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Your values
- Thread starter Faye
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I think that it's very important to be realistic with the balance of independence and dependence; while for me being mostly independent is ideal, there are situations where all people need external help and during those times you don't need to be hard on yourself, you just have to throw your hands up in the air and surrender. I know that it is difficult for people to accept help in times they really need it, because our ego takes precedence over everything and tells us we should reject charity and that we do not want others' pity (although the pity part is debateable because according to many personal ethics theories I have read the reason kindness is not the opposite of cruelty is because you can still be kind while being cruel, and on a level you can still find someone inferior to yourself while pitying them. That's essentially what pity is, we will explore in later why I don't think this is the correct way to approach things). But during these circumstances it's crucial to our growth that we steep to being humble and just let others do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. At the same time once we have been helped and our back on our feet we should try to do as much as we can to become independent an our own entity, because we realize that by stressing others it puts pressure on them and forces them to support us, which is, point blank, not easy to do. Ask any parent, it isn't a simple task to fully and completely support someone.
While treating others I believe, I am one of the people who thinks in a justice frame of mind in personal ethics rather than for 'the good' or 'what makes the most amount of people happy' etc. I think that justice, the law, the rules, are the most important thing and even if you don't like someone they still deserve the same rights as you and to be treated as an equal. In my country most people have the equal rights of a citizen but not all. I think there are a lot of legal changes we could do with marriage (like abolishing legal marriage altogether), the way that religion is practiced (separating church from state including not allowing holidays to be celebrated in schools by principals, teachers, etc. just as they are not allowed to speak of their political beliefs or personal religion) and much more. If some legal changes were made then I could truly say that everyone in my country were equals-- but even in this state which they are not they all deserved to be treated with the same respect, decency, and adhere to laws that all else do. The laws allowing businesses to not serve someone purely on their orientation sickens me, and I think that even if you don't support certain types of orientations, religions, etc. that does not mean you should treat that person any less decent, by refusing to serve someone that IS a lack of decency that someone can't eat in a diner simply because of who they love. Tolerance is key here as well.
We also need to think of the effects our actions have on others. Realise that you will never know how you have effected people- ever, and that while you have responsibility partial for people's emotions and feelings (you are not entirely left off the hook if you deliberately hurt someone and they feel bad about it), you can in no circumstances control the way a person will or won't feel, and while this is frustrating at times you need to keep this in mind, always. People aren't always going to react to you like you want them to, and you can't make them, people act and react the way they want to, and going back to decency you need to allow others to be who they are going to be. To accept another person's flaws and perfections as an entity is really the goal here, and you get to chose the boundaries you want to set up, who you want to talk to, who you want to be, but you can't chose that for other people. Remember that other people are just as important as you and they have just as much right as you to make their own values. Expectations are really what get people worked up and then disappointed, and it while it is impossible to be without expectations it is possible to recognize that the reason you are hurt is because you did have a ideal way a situation was going to work out and it didn't happen that way. All of the above listed is why it's clearly in anyone's highest interest to act in a way that they find suitable, that they find is a way that is loving, just and will create positive emotions. Even if the other person does not react the way you would hope to the actions, the first step is one, to acknowledge your theory of what might have made positive emotions could have been wrong, and to two, to remember that maybe what your actions created are not of your responsibility, as you could not have predicted the reaction and perhaps the reaction is not /normal/ or influenced by outside factors. Trying to think about how you will affect others, that's a lifetime thing, and you're never going to stop affecting people so it's a constant thing to think about and live by.
While treating others I believe, I am one of the people who thinks in a justice frame of mind in personal ethics rather than for 'the good' or 'what makes the most amount of people happy' etc. I think that justice, the law, the rules, are the most important thing and even if you don't like someone they still deserve the same rights as you and to be treated as an equal. In my country most people have the equal rights of a citizen but not all. I think there are a lot of legal changes we could do with marriage (like abolishing legal marriage altogether), the way that religion is practiced (separating church from state including not allowing holidays to be celebrated in schools by principals, teachers, etc. just as they are not allowed to speak of their political beliefs or personal religion) and much more. If some legal changes were made then I could truly say that everyone in my country were equals-- but even in this state which they are not they all deserved to be treated with the same respect, decency, and adhere to laws that all else do. The laws allowing businesses to not serve someone purely on their orientation sickens me, and I think that even if you don't support certain types of orientations, religions, etc. that does not mean you should treat that person any less decent, by refusing to serve someone that IS a lack of decency that someone can't eat in a diner simply because of who they love. Tolerance is key here as well.
We also need to think of the effects our actions have on others. Realise that you will never know how you have effected people- ever, and that while you have responsibility partial for people's emotions and feelings (you are not entirely left off the hook if you deliberately hurt someone and they feel bad about it), you can in no circumstances control the way a person will or won't feel, and while this is frustrating at times you need to keep this in mind, always. People aren't always going to react to you like you want them to, and you can't make them, people act and react the way they want to, and going back to decency you need to allow others to be who they are going to be. To accept another person's flaws and perfections as an entity is really the goal here, and you get to chose the boundaries you want to set up, who you want to talk to, who you want to be, but you can't chose that for other people. Remember that other people are just as important as you and they have just as much right as you to make their own values. Expectations are really what get people worked up and then disappointed, and it while it is impossible to be without expectations it is possible to recognize that the reason you are hurt is because you did have a ideal way a situation was going to work out and it didn't happen that way. All of the above listed is why it's clearly in anyone's highest interest to act in a way that they find suitable, that they find is a way that is loving, just and will create positive emotions. Even if the other person does not react the way you would hope to the actions, the first step is one, to acknowledge your theory of what might have made positive emotions could have been wrong, and to two, to remember that maybe what your actions created are not of your responsibility, as you could not have predicted the reaction and perhaps the reaction is not /normal/ or influenced by outside factors. Trying to think about how you will affect others, that's a lifetime thing, and you're never going to stop affecting people so it's a constant thing to think about and live by.
ZcM4xzkjgzCjytBc
Well-known member
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Conveniently this subliminally makes these people assets.
invisible
On Holiday
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thinking about this a while ago i found this thing "the values game" through google. i wrote down my answers. by importance (1 being most important), they were (at the time):
1. helpfulness (helping others, improve society)
2. responsibility (being accountable for results)
3. integrity (honest, sincerity, standing up for oneself)
4. wisdom (discovering and understanding knowledge)
5. personal development (use of personal potential)
the reason i was thinking about this at the time was that i was interested in the idea of being compatible with a future partner through values, so i wanted to try and figure out what my values could be.
1. helpfulness (helping others, improve society)
2. responsibility (being accountable for results)
3. integrity (honest, sincerity, standing up for oneself)
4. wisdom (discovering and understanding knowledge)
5. personal development (use of personal potential)
the reason i was thinking about this at the time was that i was interested in the idea of being compatible with a future partner through values, so i wanted to try and figure out what my values could be.
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Love, for me.
Living love is a struggle. Loving the homeless crackhead asking for cash, loving oneself, loving enemies, loving friends even sometimes is difficult. But for me, it's the only thing that gives any value to existence. So it's worth trying to do.
Living love is a struggle. Loving the homeless crackhead asking for cash, loving oneself, loving enemies, loving friends even sometimes is difficult. But for me, it's the only thing that gives any value to existence. So it's worth trying to do.
bagelriffic
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same here except i feel like its more looking for the truth than protecting it with me. any other values i may have acquired through the years are what i consider obstacles standing between it and me so now im just trying to get rid of em.
poshlost
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I wouldn't want to be treated as you would like to be treated yourself.
TinyBubbles
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TRUTH. absolutely the most important, though i sometimes run from it/deny its relevance/rationalize some bullshit, etc. etc.
after that freedom, integrity, hope, love, faith
after that freedom, integrity, hope, love, faith
poshlost
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if i would like to be be punched in the eye, I won't go around and punch people in the eye.
people have different needs and wants.
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I could take this seriously and say "but you wouldn't want to be punched in the eye against your will, therefore you don't go around punching people in the eye."
Or just "don't be so bloody stupid."
poshlost
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it was a hyperbole to illustrate my point, it's stupid to take it literally.
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Which is why I wasn't going to, but then a serious answer actually came to me. Someone who is mad enough to want to be physically assaulted, is probably mad enough to physically assault someone else if they ask (that is, assuming they're not mad enough to completely neglect their moral compass).