I think one difference between your experiences and mine, is my interest is not based on sexual attraction. It’s mainly cerebral (mind/soul). Also, other than her age, I don’t consider her out of my league in attractiveness or intelligence. It’s not an unrealistic fantasy thing. I’ve seen prettier girls/women. And ones with sexier bodies.
I'm sure there are lots of difference. The way I felt in this situation though mirrors much of what you are talking about. After this incident I had several that were romantic in nature, with the same level of connection, intense feelings and level of obsession. None of them were necessarily "out of my league" except for the fact that other person was clearly not demonstrating consistent interest and honesty. It's very much this hot/cold "please love me!!! I know you do, I'll get you to feel comfortable enough to show it!"
But either the other person isn't interested and the cues are being misread out of a desperation for connection, or the other person is not emotionally available and that will not change if you win them over. Why would you want to put yourself in a relationship where somebody can never give themselves fully to you? Where somebody runs away and hides? Perhaps that's why I don't understand this situation because my understanding has been that people don't really change, and if they do it is because they made the decision to change and it is not because of another person helping them change. So if you get with somebody thinking their behavior will be anything different than when you got with them or before, you're really setting yourself up to keep wishing this person was somebody else. Wouldn't it be easier to connect with somebody who is just as eager to connect with you who doesn't run away? So what if they are not your mirror image? Is there only one possibility that is satisfying and if it doesn't happen then connection with anybody else isn't worth it?
Take what I'm saying with a grain of salt. I don't know your life and haven't lived in your skin. I am only speaking based on my own life which was pretty miserable up until I figured some things out. For whatever reason the way you speak of this reminds me so much of how I used to think and what situations I found myself in. I didn't use the same language to explain it but I'm almost certain I felt similar feelings. That doesn't mean it's the same and you know, I can't even tell you I found a "solution" or "better way"... It was only the case for me. I realize that when I was in that headspace, people tried to talk me out of it or point out different things and I just didn't believe it. Why would I have? My personal experience outweighed the opinion of others by far. And so I respect that with you, and I really hope you understand that I am passionate about this topic because of me, not because I think you are wrong or need to think differently. I respect your journey and personal autonomy.
I wish I had met you back when I was going through all of that because it would have been nice to talk to somebody about the feelings. I understand why you made this thread. Not to get people to tell you different opinions but to find others who relate to the feelings. It really took over my whole life I felt super out of control but it was the only thing that mattered to me, the only thing that could make me whole and matter. Those moments of connection were so important to me because my whole life I was just alone and rejected for no real good reason. I had thought I was inherently flawed in some way, but really I just was abused as a kid and other predators can spot an abused kid so it felt like everyone hated me when really people saw that I was an easy target.
That's why I can see in some sense why this is being tied to a soul journey and the idea of working on your own stuff as part of it... Because that was part of what was happening to me when I saw these people who I had intense connection with, I could see myself in them, I could see my own wounds and strengths, and through them as a mirror I was actually able to build myself up and overcame a lot of the baggage I was carrying around that was ruining my potential.
I think it is through human connection that we are about to fully see ourselves and only then be able to change. Others can't make us change but love is a powerful motivator and it turns out most people will do just about anything to keep the people they love. Overcome addictions, change nasty behavior, the list goes on and on.
So I think you'll be ok. You have to realize we really don't know the whole story... And we never will. My fear for you is what I feared for me (which is why I ended up working so hard to pull myself out of whatever was happening to me) is that I would get stuck on somebody who doesn't actually love me back and just waste my potential in that area. I think what actually made me see that possiblity was when I dated this guy who also believed in twin flames and he swept me off my feet then dumped me out of the blue because he said he was still in love with his twin flame. I knew this person he was talking about she she did not want to be with him. He couldn't let go though and it kept ruining all possible relationships because he refused to look at what was in front of him- he only wanted this fantasy. I guess we will have to wait and see if it happens but I don't think it will for him. For me personally I felt that was a wasted life. Maybe it isn't for you. And maybe now you understand some of the life context that gave me the perspective that I have. This whole tumultuous relationship thing makes me sad because what if you could just have a *good* relationship without this hot and cold stuff? Do you think those types of relationships aren't as good or not possible? Honestly some of the twin soul stuff seems like attachment issues of anxious/avoidant attachment people... This push pull relationship that is addictive but never satisfies anybody. Having a secure calm relationship is way way better. But there must be some appeal to the friction and chaos of this type of relationship.
