Anyone met a Twin Flame?
- Thread starter David Nelson
- Start date
I think when this things happen, it's 90% about physical attraction. Something about the person scent, physical features, personality traits really hits the target with the other person.
Of course there has to be some comparability in conversation, but I still think it's mostly primal.
I was infatuated with an INFP once, I also thought we were soul mates and yada yada... She rejected me at the end; seems like girls have a way to sniff out too desperate men. I was too weak and persisted for too long.
Better move on and find something a bit more stable and steady. That's what I did, the fire doesn't burn so strong, but it lasts longer and actually gets stronger over time.
Of course there has to be some comparability in conversation, but I still think it's mostly primal.
I was infatuated with an INFP once, I also thought we were soul mates and yada yada... She rejected me at the end; seems like girls have a way to sniff out too desperate men. I was too weak and persisted for too long.
Better move on and find something a bit more stable and steady. That's what I did, the fire doesn't burn so strong, but it lasts longer and actually gets stronger over time.
Haha, my sense is women head for the hills with even the faintest whiff of desperation (and fair enough!).
Cheers,
Ian
Is that because a man’s value is equal to his level of confidence/success with women?
I would say that's because desperate men are not fit to perform independent acts of service in love. Their love is in service of their unresolved emotions, not the partner. And that dependency for validation is poison for duty and responsibility as soon as something goes wrong.
No @David Nelson
Sidis is on the right trail.
I don't wish to be the embodiment of somebody's prepossessions. It doesn't help that desperate people tend to be suffocating. And that they don't tend to see me for me, but instead as some shiny angelic thing. While that sort of praise can be fun it also renders connecting incredibly difficult, because they're not bonding with me they're bonding with an image of me. It leaves me feeling unseen, unloved, misunderstood, and at times wondering what will happen when they see through the veil.
It's like raising a child, and often these things are imprints from that time. Some people don't mind being in relationships like that, and if they can get it to work that's all good and well. It's not for me or most women I've known.
A lil bit of headiness is expected when people fall in love. A lil bit of stained-glass eyes and rosie posies. It doesn't have the same clawing cloying pulling that desperation has, with that uneven rumbling mania barely below the surface.
You could say I've not had good experiences and that's colored my perception and you'd be right. I doubt I'm alone. @philostam is right too, it's little things and the brushstrokes make the painting. It all builds up to we're not compatible with each other at all.
Now. That's not to say you're like that David, only that if somebody's desperate that's been my experience. If you feel it does resemble you, I don't hate you for it. Most of us have times in our lives where we're less-than-flattering individuals, not all that mature, or desperate for something.
Why do you believe what Sidis said is complete rubbish?
Sidis is on the right trail.
I don't wish to be the embodiment of somebody's prepossessions. It doesn't help that desperate people tend to be suffocating. And that they don't tend to see me for me, but instead as some shiny angelic thing. While that sort of praise can be fun it also renders connecting incredibly difficult, because they're not bonding with me they're bonding with an image of me. It leaves me feeling unseen, unloved, misunderstood, and at times wondering what will happen when they see through the veil.
It's like raising a child, and often these things are imprints from that time. Some people don't mind being in relationships like that, and if they can get it to work that's all good and well. It's not for me or most women I've known.
A lil bit of headiness is expected when people fall in love. A lil bit of stained-glass eyes and rosie posies. It doesn't have the same clawing cloying pulling that desperation has, with that uneven rumbling mania barely below the surface.
You could say I've not had good experiences and that's colored my perception and you'd be right. I doubt I'm alone. @philostam is right too, it's little things and the brushstrokes make the painting. It all builds up to we're not compatible with each other at all.
Now. That's not to say you're like that David, only that if somebody's desperate that's been my experience. If you feel it does resemble you, I don't hate you for it. Most of us have times in our lives where we're less-than-flattering individuals, not all that mature, or desperate for something.
Why do you believe what Sidis said is complete rubbish?
The perception that someone is desperate can be because the person has not been lucky in the past for various reasons other than the person has little to offer. This is the problem, equating initial perception as a prediction of how a person is in a relationship. I know that’s how dating often works, but it’s fucked up. It leaves good guys ignored by women, and cocky bullshitters or at best guys no better than more hesitant guys getting success. Then women complain there are no good guys, but they ignored or friend-zoned them.
I see. Do you feel that that has been your lot? that you've been unfairly unlucky in the past?
Yes, also being a shy INFJ with little confidence in dating etc. plus other reasons.
Okay. Why do you feel this is partly the reason you've not found much success before?
(the other parts being shyness, typology, and unmentioned reasons)
Why do you feel you've been wrongly perceived as desperate and dismissed in the past?
(the other parts being shyness, typology, and unmentioned reasons)
Why do you feel you've been wrongly perceived as desperate and dismissed in the past?
Not true or Johnny Bravo wouldn't be a cartoon.
Despair is disrespectful. If a man can't accept any initial choice gracefully, why would a woman even want to be with that? It is obvious that he disregards her preference to the point of himself fumbling all over it. That is definitely not a recipe for happy ever afters. Theoretically, if the chance was given and there were a relationship, what would happen when the fights get bad? Will he threaten her with self harm? No. No. No. Despair screams possession. Not partnership.
- Sep 28, 2008
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No, and reflexive opposite-pole takes so as to derive meaning benefits no one—most of all, you.
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I asked my (Fi-dom) girlfriend about desperation, and what she thought. She said it would elicit feelings of empathy and guilt.
“But what if he was expressing interest?,” I asked. “The same, unless he was creepy about it, or did things that scared me, and then it would be ‘get the fuck away from me.’” “Why guilt?” “Because I would feel bad about rejecting him.”
“What if he expressed a healthy confidence?,” I asked. She said “it wouldn’t mean anything to me.”
“I would say I had a healthy degree of confidence when I met you.,” I said. Her reply: “Yeah, but you smelled good and had a dimple.” I laughed and asked what that meant. She said “Desperation is either empathy and guilt, or ‘get the fuck away from me,’ but confidence just comes down to whether I find someone attractive or not.”
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Anecdotes ≠ data, but I asked the woman immediately available to me and willing to answer questions.
Needless to say, other women will answer as it suits their experiences and preferences, and if you get enough of those stories, maybe your Ni will have enough to discern a truth. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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My girlfriend commented that it probably wouldn’t be of any use to share the above, and when I asked why, she said it was because overall, men want to be in relationships, but they don’t want to think about them, much less talk about them.
I said “I’ll talk about all kinds of stuff, but at the end of the day, what else is there to talk about other than relationships?”
“I know,” she said, “It was clear from the start you are very different that way.”
Cheers,
Ian
So I'm probably right, because you always get snippy when I point out your vulnerabilities. If you have to rely on a convoluted-ass theory to redefine your rejection as some elaborate chess move that has to end in your favor, things start to get murky. Apply some Occam's razor and act accordingly. This is really about your emotions, not her.
And it's not just the TF business, you keep doing this with the whole typology and constant invoking of your functions as if that has any real argumentative value. It's vain intellectual fluff which has the only purpose of denying the possibility of your failure. Stop coddling yourself with pleasantly sounding theories and start paying attention to what is actually happening. I'm not your enemy here.
It’s complicated. I feel at present it’s my job, but it may be more due to a lack of self esteem (lack of Fi doesn’t help). It’s always frustrated me that you have to seemingly play a game in talking to women. I’ve read a shit loads of dating stuff online. Some makes sense. It’s just so hard these days imo, worse than ever. I’ve always been on the sidelines so not had many chances naturally. Rarely get positive vibes from women. JP would say my genes are being rejected for good reasons! I can’t even achieve casual relationship stuff. Tried even with older women, not interested. I seem to speak a different language to women. I must be an alien.
I read her the posts of @Sidis Coruscatis @Winterflowers @mintoots and @Wyote and her response can be summed up with this:
Cheers,
Ian
Cheers,
Ian
- Sep 28, 2008
- 42,092
- 249,764
- 4,281
- MBTI
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 954 so/sx
