Biggest Source of Frustration as an INFJ

Azlan said:
When I tend to dissapear for like 2-3 months at a time. Even when I explain to them why I do it, they just can't seem to grasp it. I've lost many a friend that way. It's just something I have to do though.
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This is me. The whole avoidance tactics thing always seems like an excellent solution... but it never actually is. Whenever I withdraw, the problems that I'm trying to escape are always still waiting for me. It just sometimes takes 2-3 months to muster up the strength and courage to actually deal with them.

It's also really frustrating that I lose friends and hurt other people when I pull away from the world--but I feel like I need to pull away in order to save myself. Or maintain my brain. This especially happens when I become super invested in another person--if I give another person too much of myself for too long (which I'm prone to do) I feel like I need to cut myself off from everyone for time to "figure things out". Then when I'm all figured out, I am consistently surprised that my friends and loved ones aren't just sitting around waiting to pick things up where I left them however many weeks before.

I'm starting to understand why people get sick of waiting for me to just be consistently me.. And I'm also starting to understand why I have frustrated so many best friends in my life for "pushing them away"

The most frustrating part of all this for me, is that I have zero idea how to change the patterns that always cause me trouble.
 
It's taken me a few views to read all through this thread. I can empathise with many in here and share some of the same struggles.

I don't know if this is specifically an INFJ trait but it is true for me. The biggest mistake I make in life (and I never learn) is that knowing cannot save me from feeling. I didn't put it together until a few years ago that this is actually what drove a lot of my behaviour.

Now I can see that when confronted with some kind of problem or impending loss, my first step is to arm myself with information. That's fine but my brain wants the information as some kind of defence mechanism so that when the inevitable occurs (ie, the person dies, everything goes pear-shaped) I won't have to feel the pain. Bizarre.

I always had this silly conceit that I was not afraid of the big things in life and that I wanted to know because I wanted to face them. In truth, I am not facing them ... I'm doing anything but.
 
I don't think this has much to do with being an INFJ, but I tend to get envious on occasion. It's a part of myself that I've really had to work on a lot over the years and is something that I'm still struggling with to some extent. It's not constant, it's just something that crops up when some level of what I perceive to be "unfairness" triggers it.
 
I get most frustrated by putting on a mask because I don't feel comfortable enough to be myself.
I cant stand to be around people I don't know, friends of friends is probably ok so long as they are respectful and not rude, because then I loose my very firey temper, and il tell them where to go, and I don't like to do that.
Last but not lest, having no one im my life who 'gets me'.
 
Satya said:
Avoidance.

INFJs are highly calculating when it comes to effort. They usually contemplate beforehand how much effort a task is going to take and how likely they are to succeed and then they determine whether or not they care to go forward with it. As such, INFJs talk themselves out of doing things that they should do.

Hence, INFJs who are prone to stress will get into an avoidance/stress cycle, where whenever they feel stress, they will avoid what they need to do in order to escape the stress, and this of course will eventually lead to more stress, which they will once again avoid until the stress builds to the point that it makes the INFJ physically or mentally ill.
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I could not have explained it better. I do this ALL the time.
 
You'll be hard pressed to get an INFJ to talk about their deep-seated pain. We will dodge the question & use delightful diversionary tactics. We "feel" the pain whenever we speak, or write of it, and, as mentioned here, we avoid distress like the plague, because we don't know what to do with it, and releasing it means we have to lose our cool, rendering us helpless & out of control, which we find TOTALLY unacceptable!!! Sorry for the run-on...

My biggest current "frustration:"

I am uber-independent. I fend for myself and many others. My time is precious, and I am exhausted by the end of the day trying to keep so many balls in the air, and so many inappropriate feelings in check. I need YOU to handle your own SHIT! At least LOOK for the cheese-its before you ask me to help you find them! You are wasting my time!!! And are you SERIOUSLY delegating chores to me when I'm doing at LEAST 75% of the work around here, by my own choice, anyway!?!? Grow up, and do your own SHIT!!! I need my energy to help folks who genuinely can't help themselves.... Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggghhhhhh!!!

*AHEM* I apologize for that hideously inappropriate outburst. Please don't ask an INFJ (or an INTJ for that matter) a question you don't want an honest answer to. Thank you, and good day.:m032:
 
This is a great thread! :pop2:

I can relate to so much to what everyone is saying.
 
I have a new one to add to the pot.

Invalidation

Invalidation is to reject, ignore, mock, tease, judge, or diminish someone's feelings. It is an attempt to control how they feel and for how long they feel it.

This has been one of the most spirit breaking things I've ever been subjected to.
 
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As far as frustration goes, I think grown people with entitlement issues have always frustrated me. The whole, "It has to happen because I want it" and "it's all about Meeeee" doesn't fly. Makes me become the ultimate immovable object. :D
 
When you find out your hopes and dreams won't turn to reality, or likely never will... but you still yearn for the day to come.
 
one thing that pops to mind is finding new friends. all my friends are back in america. never made any new ones here in ireland. never had a big group of friends anyway. always been more of a 5 close friends than 50 not so close. 30 years old and its almost like i don't know how to make a friend anymore. probably because i don't have much in common with people.
 
CuriousFeeling said:
When you find out your hopes and dreams won't turn to reality, or likely never will... but you still yearn for the day to come.
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my god, i totally agree with this. i ask my wife almost every single day "do you ever yearn?" i yearn so strongly, but can never put my finger on exactly what it is i am yearning for. such a weird feeling. its like all my life, this one piece has been missing, but i can't figure out what it is for the life of me. so frustrating, but in a good way. because i know when i find it, it will complete me. but i hope i find it soon! lol
 
Feeling that I'm filling space for the friend you'd RATHER be with, if they weren't busy... Don't waste my time. I pride my friendships above all else, bitches!

Finding out that you only invited me to an outing, because someone more thoughtful than YOU suggested it! Save your small talk & questions, if you have no interest in me as an actual human being, TOOL! :m192:
 
purplecrayons said:
Feeling that I'm filling space for the friend you'd RATHER be with, if they weren't busy... Don't waste my time. I pride my friendships above all else, bitches!

Finding out that you only invited me to an outing, because someone more thoughtful than YOU suggested it! Save your small talk & questions, if you have no interest in me as an actual human being, TOOL! :m192:
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Ya. If you ever have two tickets to something, and the first person u ask can't make it, don't ever let the 2nd person you ask know!!
 
I guess it IS rather irrational of me to wanna be someone's first choice...
 
When you invest yourself into someone else's future, and suggest them ways to realize their full potential, and they don't take it.
 
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