Biggest Source of Frustration as an INFJ

Norwich said:
Exactly! Over the years I have had numerous friends that I ministered to. Apparently I am a very good listener and I try to be there when I'm needed. Unfortunately many of my relationships seem one sided. When I need to talk or worse yet to feel understood, many of these friends disappear. Right now those closest to me are extroverts. So often even if I'm lucky enough to have someone pursue and attempt to comfort me, it doesn't feel good. I don't respond well to raucous attempts to coax me into a better mood. What I wouldn't give some days for someone just to hold me without speaking.
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Oh my gosh, yes!!
 
My biggest frustration is probably when people JUST WON'T LET ME help them!! I had huge problems with this with an ex-boyfriend. He's an INTJ, so of course perfect in every way and doesn't need anyone's help with anything, ever. Every time I tried to help him emotionally he would lash out at me, and then I would feel helpless, unwanted and a failure as a person. I would literally feel like I was losing my mind. I ended up doorslamming him after we had already broken up because he said we could still be friends and then treated me like ****.

I also share the frustrations with verbally expressing myself. Someone a few pages back mentioned crying every time you have to talk about something emotional... This is SO true for me! Even if it's not something that's particular hurting me, I almost always start crying when talking about something I feel strongly about. Then I feel like an idiot.
 
Fireflies-free said:
Wow. I relate to almost everything mentioned in this thread! It's always a relief to know that there are others like me.

To add to or reinforce what's already been said:

Being able to read/understand people and situations too easily is sometimes difficult. It gets in the way of normal interaction in a way, and makes me feel almost intrusive. Sometimes when people are talking, or telling me what or why they did something, I instinctively know what they're going to say, and it can be almost frustrating because I can't just say "yeah I know". Or, I can't tell them how or why I know something. It's almost like I have to pretend to be surprised or pretend like I'm trying to process the situation.

Feeling like I'm from another planet or don't belong in this world. I can't connect with many aspects of society because I just see past/through them, and they hold no desire. It's frustrating to see people making mistakes, being shortsighted and unwise when I just don't understand how they can't see what I do. And, I don't like to assume I know best, I have no right to believe I do, so I tend to hold back. Either way, whether I am the one that is wrong or right, I feel different.

The contradictory personality - in many aspects. But mainly, my extreme introversion coupled with my extreme desire to connect with and make a differenece to people. The most important thing to me in life is people. No doubt about it. However, I don't feel I've mastered this balance yet. I'm working on it.

Oh, and the inability to express what I know/feel. I often sound very inarticulate! I guess it's the intuition, we often don't know how we know - we just know!
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Fireflies, awesome post! This definitely resonates inside me. In some ways i've gotten a bit worn out "just knowing." If these kinds of things are just second nature to you, it's difficult to be surprised (especially by people). It exhausts me having to "coach" people who don't seem to know what to do when the way seems so obvious to us.

I always tell people (who can understand) that I feel like I'm really an extrovert deep inside. It's just my sensitivity, ability "to know" and constant self awareness that keeps me introverted. When I'm with people who understand me, love me, and trust, I can't stop talking and the things I say are so fluid and poised. When I'm with people I don't know well, don't like, or trust, I get introverted. :/
 
My biggest frustration? Dealing with people's egos. You know the feeling of trying to help someone who's response is along the lines of "Geez, I could have done that." and there's no sign of humor intended?
 
Being a soft person and easy for others to bully. This happens with my x husband and at work sometimes. It happened a lot in school as well. Also being misunderstood; if only people took the time to see things through my eyes and understand how easily I'm affected by them and their energy. Once a while back at work, I had a problem with a resident and had a an intimidating meeting with my supervisor. I was so upset that it took a meeting with our staff social worker (who told me I was an infj after I finally was able to speak about how it was on my end of things), and then brought in my supervisor to explain it to her too. So ya, pretty sensitive to pain if I've ever unintentionally wronged anyone, and this is one of the biggest difficulties for me with being infj.
 
Satya said:
Avoidance.

INFJs are highly calculating when it comes to effort. They usually contemplate beforehand how much effort a task is going to take and how likely they are to succeed and then they determine whether or not they care to go forward with it. As such, INFJs talk themselves out of doing things that they should do.
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I am the queen and king and emporer of this. Its probably the single-most debilitating charecteristic I have. If that makes sense.
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People who don't listen or dismiss what you say, then later come back, ask you the same question, which then leads to having to repeat your response a few times, because didn't or couldn't accept it the first time you told them, only to find that later on they realize that you may've been right after all the trouble they put you through from not listening and asking you the same question repeatedly?

All ^^^ sounds convoluted, right? Well, this is the source of my frustration. :m182:
 
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When I tend to dissapear for like 2-3 months at a time. Even when I explain to them why I do it, they just can't seem to grasp it. I've lost many a friend that way. It's just something I have to do though.
 
My inability to express myself adequately in a relate-able manner to others.
 
I can add to this again after talking with another INFJ who hit the nail on the head.

It frustrates me to no end to be put in situations where my "J" is virtually ignored - Never seeing the end result or giving advice over and over again without people ever listening. Pretty much being forced into "I told you so" situations where I can't believe people can be as stupid/stubborn/ignorant as they act.
 
Being villified and condemned because of things other people just don't understand
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Hello, I'm a new female INFJ..lol used to be a lurker in this forum but decided to join in the discussion ;p

For me, definitely uncertainty.
1) I'm not too sure how to word this feeling but I can feel things and people. Probably because I'm used to be able to feel/know what's coming, being in a uncertainty definitely takes me out of my comfort zone and that just makes me feel stressed and overthink everything. Not to mention at some times, I incline more to be pessimistic since 'Expect the worse so you'll get no disappointment' applies to me in great extent. I don't like it when I can't grasp even a single thing.

2) Plus I'm a really perfectionist person so I'd like everything to be perfect, everyone to be happy with what I've done so uncertainty really doesn't help.

I'm currently going through some problems and my counsellor doesn't really help so here I am, trying to figure things out on my own ;p
 
Either:
Sounding so awesome in my head, then it coming out like 30% as well as I wanted it to, or
Fe manifesting in social anxiety. It stops me from doing so many things I want to do, to the point that I have to muster the courage to read a book around others or order a food at a restaurant that I may end up eating in a messier-than-usual manner.

Grrr.
 
Griffin said:
Either:
Sounding so awesome in my head, then it coming out like 30% as well as I wanted it to
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Lolz. This has happened to me so many times. In english last year I had some ideas that were totally brilliant and when I said them aloud, they came out jumbled and people just thought I was weird.
 
For me it has to be saying what I mean. I have a general idea in my head of how I feel and it all makes sense up there but when I try to translate those thoughts and feelings into words it somehow gets all jumbled and ends up taking awhile for me to say what I mean. I've found this to be a major disadvantage when in a large group because people are talking so fast and exchanging ideas I hardly get a word in fast enough before we're onto a new topic
 
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