Difficulties with male friendships

How exactly did you talk about this? I've had sexual conversations with guys before. I've never had that happen to me, then again I've always had it in a group.
 
Somewhat similar to:

guy whine about girl they like, I say "Oh, you should get laid."

that's one way they think I'm hitting on them. and then a different approach

guy whining about girl they like, I say "You should read some of these books, it will help you get laid."
 
Sounds like desperation to me.
 
Yeah. My male INTP and ENTP friends do not do this, it's just that everyone else does.
 
Well, I never had male friend, but my schoolmate from college is very creepy. I used talk to him about topics like philosophy, religion, about school, books etc. I have been nice to him. Nice and polite but still reserved. He was nice to me, too. But after some time, our other classmates start spreading rumors about me and him and some people even told me, that I am immoral, because "he has a girl." I always knew, that he has a girl, but I never want stole him from her!
I suppose, that HE started these rumors like I have been some kind of slut, which wants flirting or sleeping with him because sometimes he likes quite weird- for example he didnt want me to date one boy from our chool because "he is odd and dangerous"!
I stopped talked to him. But he always be around to me and wanted talk to me, telling joys etc.I was confused, so I asked him, if its true that he likes me/ one of our classmates said it/ and he said me that he likes me like friend, because he is engaged. So I told it our classmates and I hope that will stop spreading the lias.
 
Generalizations. I have difficulties talking with the majority of people too. Stereotypical males because I don't really like this subject, and stereotypical females because they always assume just because I'm male then I must be looking for a sexual relationship with them. Socializing for the most part is annoying except for the exceptions to society's rules, so I usually don't do it.
 
slant said:
Yeah. My male INTP and ENTP friends do not do this, it's just that everyone else does.
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I think you're on to something here. I suspect most of my friends are NT people. We talk about all manner of disturbing things together and I'm fairly certain they know I'm off limits. Its like a contest to see who can start the most messed up conversation sometimes.
 
Bored Now said:
I think you're on to something here. I suspect most of my friends are NT people. We talk about all manner of disturbing things together and I'm fairly certain they know I'm off limits. Its like a contest to see who can start the most messed up conversation sometimes.
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This would describe our conversations too. I love going to an engineering school.

During one of your conversations, Slant, I'd say something like, "I'm not interested in you." Notice its directness without modifiers like 'that' or 'so.' And then I'd continue talking about sex. It'd be funny, and it'd help them learn.

Think about like this: You're helping them learn to suck less at life/be less desperate by giving them experience, in addition to giving them more information.
 
Dragon said:
Ladies, you should not talk about sex with men unless you are interested. Why? It is rude. It is like talking about food with a hungry person.
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I found that funny, but sadly, true. :m169:
Guys find ways to interpret almost any social signals from a girl as sexual.
 
laofmoonster said:
I found that funny, but sadly, true. :m169:
Guys find ways to interpret almost any social signals from a girl as sexual.
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And that's their problem. No one is a slave to their biology, if that's what's being argued. Not everything is an act of foreplay, boys get over yourselves. hehe!
 
I know right? Blue balls aren't fatal fellas!
 
Well....It turns out this person was interested in me sexually. Very interested. I managed to tell him to fuck off though, by, as had been advised here, uttering three different phrases in a very direct manner.

"I'm not interested in you sexually and will never have sex with you, and for now, anyone else for that matter."

"I do not want a romantic relationship with you. You view sex as very important, and I do not, so we would never get by."

"I would never enter a relationship that had clear sexual expectations as you have so very expresses. I believe sex, to most people, is a very important part of a relationship and it would be cruel and relationship-damaging to enter one knowing this and then to refuse to commence in such acts."

It's seemed to work pretty successfully. I also don't hang out with this guy very often so trust me, it helps.
 
acd said:
And that's their problem. No one is a slave to their biology, if that's what's being argued. Not everything is an act of foreplay, boys get over yourselves. hehe!
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Ha! You are a slave to your biology! Never believe otherwise unless you want to be wrong.
 
laofmoonster said:
I found that funny, but sadly, true. :m169:
Guys find ways to interpret almost any social signals from a girl as sexual.
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same here - I am a lesbian and have a few straight guy friends, they know I am gay and are cool with it but some (especially the one) will still try his luck even though I do not give mixed signals but am crystal clear on my sexuality. I think he see's me as the ultimate gf for him as he can talk to me as one of the guys but can confide in me more than what he does his male friends and being a feminine lesbian obviously does not help. :frusty:

Slant, I think this is something that is always going to happen with some male friends no matter what your sexuality.
 
Dragon said:
Ladies, you should not talk about sex with men unless you are interested. Why? It is rude. It is like talking about food with a hungry person. No, you don't have any kind of social or otherwise obligation to them in the same way you don't have any kind of obligation to feed a hungry person, and don't think I would imply such a horrible thing. But can you see why it is rude? You are being foolish if you get their minds revved up and then expect them to be chaste and candid. Find another way to relate if that is what you want.
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I couldn't help but think "this must not be an universal case"... I mean really?

I have a very "clinical", detached view on sex, so it is very well possible that my perception differs significantly, but it still just seems far-fetched. I'm kind of surprised at this, I didn't really assume the way a male might perceive it. If it's true, then it sure explains a lot of things.

*scratches head*
 
Solstice said:
Generalizations. I have difficulties talking with the majority of people too. Stereotypical males because I don't really like this subject, and stereotypical females because they always assume just because I'm male then I must be looking for a sexual relationship with them. Socializing for the most part is annoying except for the exceptions to society's rules, so I usually don't do it.
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,

I can relate, I get really irked that people almost seem to intentionally adhere to stereotypes or believe that everyone fits into stereotypes- even when you give people an argument why stereotypes are wrong and inaccurate from a maraud of
philosophical and psychological viewpoints ( bearing in mind that there are major differences between generalisations and stereotypes). I to generally abstain from socialising.
 
Dragon said:
They think you want to sleep with someone, and they might be willing to be that person.






Ladies, you should not talk about sex with men unless you are interested. Why? It is rude. It is like talking about food with a hungry person. No, you don't have any kind of social or otherwise obligation to them in the same way you don't have any kind of obligation to feed a hungry person, and don't think I would imply such a horrible thing. But can you see why it is rude? You are being foolish if you get their minds revved up and then expect them to be chaste and candid. Find another way to relate if that is what you want.
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O.o? The majority of my conversations about sex I have had has included women. And, in particular, I never envisioned having sex with any of them unless I already WANTED to have sex with them.

I think that's where the general problem lies. If a particular person is already attracted to you, doing anything in general is going to be examined to see if it implies that you like them.
 
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My names Colby, do I know you?
 
acd said:
And that's their problem. No one is a slave to their biology, if that's what's being argued. Not everything is an act of foreplay, boys get over yourselves. hehe!
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Are you kidding? I am most definitely a slave to my biology. I try to tell it off on a regular basis but that only can go so far. I am very much a "goddamnit body, you aren't supposed to break/get sick, I am going to MAKE you work" person. That only goes so far and when I try to do that with emotions, well, it just doesn't do the trick.
 
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