[ENFP] Does she like me? Do you guys ever take a week alone time from someone you love?

[HorsesIncorporated]

Hello!

INFJ here and in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend who lives in England and also is a INFJ forum member & an INFJ himself--- and I’m from the U.S.

So, coming from an INFJ perspective; I can definitely see that she does have a hard time expressing herself regarding her true feelings towards you, and can already immediately tell that she is not in love with you. I'll be completely honest on that.

Everybody has their own flow regarding love and romance, and most likely she is taking a very slow and maybe perhaps cautious route--- but to be frank, if someone really is in love or at least really likes you despite distance, they will put their full commitment and time towards you, even if they are going through some hurdles.

The last few months, similarly to what she is going through actually, I have been dealing with internal demons and childhood traumas that have been putting me in a black rut; but even through that, I still go to my partner for support and reveal my vulnerabilities and feelings to him.

INFJs are indeed private, but if we really like someone and cherish the connection, we tend to put our walls down for those we truly like and feel its a deep connection and is worth it. We don't typically do that for everyone, but if we really do like someone or potentially love them, then those walls are usually down. Distance makes no difference to those who truly love each other and know that the relationship is worth it in the end. My partner and I haven't met each other yet (but will very soon and have tickets already), and we still took the risk and went with our feelings for one another.

Anyways personally, I do find it quite odd that her communication with you is very sporadic, but that's just me honestly. Before my partner and I became an official couple, we took the time to talk with one another through private messaging daily and get really personal and know one another---past, flaws, vulnerabilities, doubts, struggles, heartbreak, etc.

So from what I see, do tread lightly. In all complete honesty, she might like you (most likely as a friend) and nothing more than that for now. See how it all goes with you and her, but do enjoy your life and what is going good in your life. Don't put your full emotional investment in her, especially considering the current situation and her hesitancy with her feelings towards you. Take it slow, and see how it goes.

I know. I've been foolish going full force into this.

 

[Sloe Djinn]

I know. I've been foolish going full force into this.

Well, don't be too hard on yourself. I think that your ability to develop reliable emotional anchors within yourself is going to be far more vital to you than success or failure with any specific love interest.

 

[sassafras]

See how it all goes with you and her, but do enjoy your life and what is going good in your life. Don't put your full emotional investment in her, especially considering the current situation and her hesitancy with her feelings towards you. Take it slow, and see how it goes.

Yep.

Don't abandon all hope. Just get yourself back into some equilibrium.

Wait and see.

 

[HorsesIncorporated]

Well, don't be too hard on yourself. I think that your ability to develop reliable emotional anchors within yourself is going to be far more vital to you than success or failure with any specific love interest.

At least I'm lucky I'm an ENFP. After a few days of depression, I go flirt with other people and start to feel better and within a week or two, I'm fine. I still remember the name of every girl I've had any sort of fling with, though.

 

[April]

@April I honestly thought I was codependent for a bit, but it seems that a week without talking to someone you care about deeply is actually a long time, and isn't just me being clingy.

Its about perspective, and to some, it may be clingy, but I bet they aren't REALLY in love... lol. I don't think it's clingy. But I know some who may say they like to keep things fresh that way... absence makes the heart grow fonder and whatnot. But what are these people gonna do in a marriage where the other person is always there? lol

 

[April]

Honestly, I feel the same way. She just opens me up and takes such a genuine interest in what I care about, and listens to me ramble. At first, I hated her rambling...then I realized I loved it because it meant she cared about me enough to ramble to me about things that are important to her.

Lol that's cute.

 

[April]

At least I'm lucky I'm an ENFP. After a few days of depression, I go flirt with other people and start to feel better and within a week or two, I'm fine. I still remember the name of every girl I've had any sort of fling with, though.

That's crazy, I was going to suggest making other connections, but I didn't want to seem insensitive... lol. Making another connection will help tremendously. You may not forget about her but you will be less emotionally bound to her. Because you will be extraverting your feels elsewhere too

 

[HorsesIncorporated]

That's crazy, I was going to suggest making other connections, but I didn't want to seem insensitive... lol. Making another connection will help tremendously. You may not forget about her but you will be less emotionally bound to her. Because you will be extraverting your feels elsewhere too

I don't have much of an opportunity for that now because I'm leaving in two months.

 

[April]

That month apart was before we got as close as we are now. After that month apart, she seemed to care way more about me and told me how much she missed me. This month apart was back in May actually. And actually, I just realized she has said she loved me...but in a different way. She does hate labels, with everything, not just this. She went away for a month because her best friend's (Eugenia) mom passed away and she (Eugenia) had no one else left, so my INFJ was helping her with funeral stuff (paperwork, giving her a place to stay, etc.). Galya is her best friend who suggested all three of us do something together



But honestly, now that I read this, I just lose all hope I had in the situation, though we also grew a lot closer since she said this. I think I'm just gonna give up before I make anymore of a fool out of myself.

@sassafras this is the post I was referring to, though she has kissed Eugenia and Galya too..

Sounds like she doesn't really know what love is. But who truly does, because it's so different for everyone... I've kissed half my female friends, but I know I don't love them romantically lol. She seems to be confused?

 

[JennyDaniella]

I know. I've been foolish going full force into this.

It's not foolish. Sometimes we can't control who we end up falling in love with. Consider this as an important valuable lesson and don't be hard on yourself. Sometimes life happens. It's an experience to learn from and grow. Eventually you'll find a good, sweet girl who will be truly worth it and will reciprocate your feelings. Don't lose sight of that.

Much love bud. And at the end of the day, enjoy the new experiences in a new country and the culture. Focus on you, your goals, and what you can do to better yourself as a person. See how it goes with her if she does communicate with you and take it very, very slow. Baby steps.

If it's meant to be, it will be. If not, then it will be hard and it will hurt, but you'll be okay.

 

[HorsesIncorporated]

Sounds like she doesn't really know what love is. But who truly does, because it's so different for everyone... I've kissed half my female friends, but I know I don't love them romantically lol. She seems to be confused?

Did you read the original message with the quote from her?

It's not foolish. Sometimes we can't control who we end up falling in love with. Consider this as an important valuable lesson and don't be hard on yourself. Sometimes life happens. It's an experience to learn from and grow. Eventually you'll find a good, sweet girl who will be truly worth it and will reciprocate your feelings. Don't lose sight of that.

Much love bud. And at the end of the day, enjoy the new experiences in a new country and the culture. Focus on you, your goals, and what you can do to better yourself. See how it goes with her if she does communicate with you and take it very, very slow. Baby steps.

I know. I want to just find someone else but it's not that easy for me and I know I won't be done with her until either she tells me it'll never happen, gives me the friend talk, or I see that's how it's gonna work.

 

[HorsesIncorporated]

It's not foolish. Sometimes we can't control who we end up falling in love with. Consider this as an important valuable lesson and don't be hard on yourself. Sometimes life happens. It's an experience to learn from and grow. Eventually you'll find a good, sweet girl who will be truly worth it and will reciprocate your feelings. Don't lose sight of that.

Much love bud. And at the end of the day, enjoy the new experiences in a new country and the culture. Focus on you, your goals, and what you can do to better yourself as a person. See how it goes with her if she does communicate with you and take it very, very slow. Baby steps.

If it's meant to be, it will be. If not, then it will be hard and it will hurt, but you'll be okay.

I hope it is meant to be. I truly, with all of my heart, hope it is. I have major commitment issues, but some people get past that and make me 100% sure of my choice.

 

[Pin]

I was told disappearing is pretty damn normal for an INFJ. Also, she's dealing with a lot in her life.

I'm not one to easily give up on things, idealist after all. I've been hurt emotionally dozens of times and it will happen dozens of more times before I meet the person who will love me the way I'm able to love them. It's just how it works.

Well...

I think that you can easily meet a great woman on one condition: you becoming a great man. I mean that in the traditional sense. Be physically strong, be the bread-winner, protect and provide.

Life is just simpler that way.

 

[April]

Did you read the original message with the quote from her?

Yes, which is what I replied to. The last part of her quote is what I was referring to because it seems she isn't clear on what love is to her. Which is normal, us INFJs haven a tendency to ask too many what ifs... like... "What if I don't really love him? What if I don't know how to love and trust? What if I really do love him and he might hurt me? Etc... lol. I think everyone does that, but INFJs do it to an extreme level sometimes... lol.

 

[Pin]

[REDACTED]

Hey, if it's not for you, it's not for you but I'm just speaking generally.

Life is generally easier for more traditional guys.

 

[April]

Hey, if it's not for you, it's not for you but I'm just speaking generally.

Life is generally easier for more traditional guys.

I deleted that. I talk bad about him too much. He's not in a good place. Don't get me wrong, I would love to have that apart from being bread winner, I want to be independent. To be with people out of want and not need.

 

[Pin]

I deleted that. I talk bad about him too much. He's not in a good place. Don't get me wrong, I would love to have that apart from being bread winner, I want to be independent. To be with people out of want and not need.

I redacted your statement.

Anyway, contrary to popular opinion, I don't think marriage is compatible with independence. I know it sounds sappy but I think that spouses must want and need each other- that's true love.

 

[HorsesIncorporated]

Well...

I think that you can easily meet a great woman on one condition: you becoming a great man. I mean that in the traditional sense. Be physically strong, be the bread-winner, protect and provide.

Life is just simpler that way.

Luckily, in terms of Russian income, I make very good money (over three times the average monthly income)...in terms of Moscow, I make maybe 2 times the average monthly income, which isn't as much, but is enough to live off of for sure. Luckily, I'll continue making this much while I'm in Russia. I'm also very traditional. If my wife wanted to stay home and take care of the kids while I work, I'd be thrilled with that. If she wanted to go work, I'd be fine with that too.

Yes, which is what I replied to. The last part of her quote is what I was referring to because it seems she isn't clear on what love is to her. Which is normal, us INFJs haven a tendency to ask too many what ifs... like... "What if I don't really love him? What if I don't know how to love and trust? What if I really do love him and he might hurt me? Etc... lol. I think everyone does that, but INFJs do it to an extreme level sometimes... lol.

That's the idea I got from this whole thing, which is why I'm so confused.

 

[April]

I redacted your statement.

Anyway, contrary to popular opinion, I don't think marriage is compatible with independence. I know it sounds sappy but I think that spouses must want and need each other- that's true love.

Maybe I am using the word "independent" wrong, or I should have said "financially independent". I just want to be able to make enough money in case something does happen, I will know that I could support my family. That's all. But you're right. And thanks for redacting. <3 I said it without thinking, and it was wrong of me, no matter how true it is, I should not just go on and on bashing him.

 

[Pin]

Luckily, in terms of Russian income, I make very good money (over three times the average monthly income)...in terms of Moscow, I make maybe 2 times the average monthly income, which isn't as much, but is enough to live off of for sure. Luckily, I'll continue making this much while I'm in Russia. I'm also very traditional. If my wife wanted to stay home and take care of the kids while I work, I'd be thrilled with that. If she wanted to go work, I'd be fine with that too.

I'm glad that you're not making life any harder than it needs to be for yourself. The fact that you're financially successful makes your life so much more simple as a future husband. As for your wife working or staying home, it probably doesn't make much of a difference as long as your kids are well-raised and get enough attention. It's also important that you make time for one another as husband and wife, particularly in the evening.