High expectations

[Gaze]

I have become closer with some people just because of flaws... The point where someone becomes so unbearable that they force me to confront them. And afterwards we're closer and more trusting with each other than compared with my relationships with friends where we always get along... those almost seem a little bit meaningless and superficial.

interesting. I kinda feel the same. funny enough, i don't think i would fit well with someone who is "perfect" or too normal. Since I'm flawed, it helps if they're flawed (to an extent). I mean, we don't want to drive each other crazy. But i think we'd have more empathy, and understanding if we understood and appreciated the flaws.

 

[Solongo]

Yea I know the feeling.

My expectations are so high, and my value system is so strong due to my age and life experience... I know what I want and I am determined to get it. I am a horrible loser and I hate failior.

If another gets in the way of this, depending on what is at stake for everyone involved (myself and my children), then I act. If it feels somehow worth it to me and my children when I look at the big picture, then I will fight to my death to make things work... though often times, without compromise.

Whenever possible though, I will compromise, but it cannot be towards anything too high up in my value system, as I am a sensitive person who respects herself too much sometimes I think. Therefore having said that, my expectations for being respectful from others, is usually too high and I am regularly disappointed in this society.

I am able to read people's behaviors and their energies to help me gain empathy for them, as both these things among others, are clues to who, how and where that person is, so I am tollerant.

Be in my close, personal family/friend bubble, it takes a lot to get there... when you're there, I watch closely to ensure that all things will be respected, otherwise you won't hear from me for a long time, if at all...

Communicating is important to me too. Can we have a meaningful conversation? It has to be the case because along with comfortable silences, I don't like to waste my time with meaningless joking around, as I guess I'm more on the serious side- I don't have much of a sense of humor, I have too many responsibilities at the moment for laughter, although when the time is right, I can honestly enjoy a good session of rib-aching-laugh-release!

Great Post Thoughtful yet empathetic on why you feel the way you do. Very few INFJs seem to have reached where you are at. Perhaps it came with age and overcoming challenges, but i feel what you saying completely.

 

[DefectiveCreative]

Hmmi have a list of requirements. Lets see;

• You have to be intelligent. I don't mean a little intelligent. I mean you have to be sort of brilliant. i rather not be smarter than you, but if we're close its fine. And even if you aren't smarter, be really knowledgeable about something interesting that I'm not knowledgeable about. That will actually suffice. Maybe.
• You have to have a quirky sense of humor. I prefer super dry humor with a twinge of the absurd and vulgar. if you can tell a bawdy joke with a poker face, I'm a smitten kitten.
• Keep up with me sexually. Or at least be willing to try.
• Ambition makes me hot, as does confidence. If you are both, I melt. But it must be tempered with reality.
• Kindness
• *whispers* I like boys that are a leetle nerdy. And if not nerdy, musical. Either/Or.

That's really about it. I don't care what you look like or how much money you have. Those are the non negotiable items.

* I'd need a partner to be comparable to me in intelligence. It doesn't have to be exact but if one of us is spending 30 minutes out of every hour trying to explain something we just said to the other, only to have them shrug their shoulders because they just don't get it, then that's going to be a problem.

* A quirky sense of humour is a must. Doesn't have to be super dry or anything but if we aren't laughing at the same sort of things then that relationship is going nowhere.

* Comparable sex drives are another requirement for me. I don't think I have a particularly high sex drive, so keeping up with me sexually shouldn't be a problem but as fun as going out with a complete nympho might be in the short term, over the long term it could develop into a serious issue. Also, they'd have to be fairly sexually experimental. Doing it in the missionary position once a week for the rest of my life is not something that particularly appeals to me. :lol:

* Ambition and confidence are good, just so long as they're not so ambitious that they put their careers ahead of the relationship and not so confident that it tips over into arrogance.

* Kindness is an absolute non-negotiable.

* I think I prefer my potential partners to be sensual rather than nerdy, but I don't have enough real life experience of relationships to know for sure what it is I'm attracted to that way.

* Looks are another one I'm not sure what my preferences are (if I have any) so I'm pretty easy going in that respect. Probably I'd prefer someone who's good-looking, but not so much that she keeps getting hit on by other guys all the time.

* As for money? The richer the better, I wanna be a kept man. :lol:
Seriously though, if they have too much then I'd probably end up feeling like a leech, so that wouldn't be good. But equally if they have too little then we might run into problems from the opposite angle, so somewhere in between would probably be best.

I have too many responsibilities at the moment for laughter,...

But that's when you need it the most.

 

[Gaze]

Communicating is important to me too. Can we have a meaningful conversation? It has to be the case because along with comfortable silences, I don't like to waste my time with meaningless joking around, as I guess I'm more on the serious side- I don't have much of a sense of humor, I have too many responsibilities at the moment for laughter, although when the time is right, I can honestly enjoy a good session of rib-aching-laugh-release!

I think I'm similar. I like joking around to an extent but at some point it becomes overkill. Feeling that I can be myself and be comfortable with them is more important than whether they can entertain me or i can entertain them.

 

[Julia]

I've been spending time thinking about this. Two core ideals I have are to not hurt others and to be consistently reasonable, and I take it hard the times I fail at either. I think I tend to have high expectations and lean towards being too idealistic, but the thought of being unreasonable or making someone feel hurt as a result of my expectations of them would leave me disappointed in myself at the core.

I hope for high expectations to be a source of strength. Some of my happiest moments occurred when someone saw me as having potential and the capacity for something more than I thought I had. I try to do that for others in areas of skill.

I am aware of a kind of idealism I have that does leave me disappointed when there are conflicts or hurtful words. I do wish people could be consistently kind and interested in solving problems rather than perpetuating them. That we are not able to live up to that as people indicates that such an ideal might not really be fair.

There are a lot of potential ironies when thinking this through.

 

[christmas]

I have high expectations of my family. I expect them to be able to put up with my shit. It's only fair.