INFJ - Why ENTPs scare me.

namiasdf said:
I know that I take GREAT time/care to ensure the safety of my friends at concerts, even though we're all at similar level of substance abuse. The fear of losing them, or them getting hurt overrides my ability to just let go.
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Among my friends sometimes I'm the killjoy. Whenever anyone is about to do something dangerous - not stupid or silly - then I step in. I have my signature grandfather-like "No, you won't do that, John!" and my waving index finger.
 
I posted this on a different ENTP related thread. I really am not seeing ENTPs the way some other INFJ seem to be. Maybe Ive just met extremely healthy and mature ones.
I think a relationship between INFJ and ENTP is not the most ideal but could work very well. My ENTP and I grew apart eventually and moved on amicabaly but it was a great relationship while it lasted and we are still very close friends.

I love the ENTPs I know. I have three great ENTP friends, one being the father of my child. I do know one extremely unhealthy ENTP as well, who is an alcoholic, drug addict and probably does have NPD.

I had an instant rapport with all the ENTPs that Im close to. Once we started talking we literally couldn't stop. I definately felt that there was some kind of chemistry or kinship with this type. The Ne Ti Fe Si combo is very cool. Generally the people I get along with the best tend to be TPs, with high Ti usage.

All my ENTP friends share certain strengths and weaknesses but for the purpose of this discussion I'll mainly talk about the one that Im closest to, the father of my child.

Strengths
Open minded and free thinking- he does not disregard any information and will entertain a thought just for the sake of it. We can talk about any topic at length.
Extremely creative and inventive- he just cant help himself, he literally lives in a world of possibilities. Amazing imagination
Loves debating
Excellent problem solver- very solution orientated. Absolutely loves solving problems. He doesnt just whinge about something, he fixes it.
Loves people
Hilarious- one of the funniest people I know, could definately do stand up comedy
Great story teller/ orator/ MC- knows how to engage people
Inspiring- excellent motivator
Very persuasive- can sell ice to an eskimo.
Realistic and optimistic
Extremely resilliant to stress
Childlike
Can be very hardworking and single minded when necessary
Excellent in a crisis situation
Passionate and energetic
Believes in constant self growth and improvement
Adaptable, flexible and spontaneous
Reasonable, rational, logical
Feels very deeply and is unashamed to show his emotions
Extremely intelligent and quick witted

Weaknesses
Easily distracted
Can be lazy
Can be inpractical- does not think all his ideas through
Terrible judge of character- he and the other ENTPs I know seriously make bad judgement calls about people. Its like they cant tell whether a person wishes them harm or not.
Naive- believes in the good of people a little more than is healthy, even though he has personally seen the worst of people. He has dealt with a lot of unsavoury people, criminals and lived on the streets for two years and still gives people too much leeway
Loses everything- all the time- keys, wallet, phone, clothes, shoes, pens, documents, everything! Despite going out of his way to by good quality stuff, his clothes just fall apart all the time- like the seam of a new shirt will just come undone or his buttons will fall off.
Absent minded at times- too peoccupied with his thougts and imagination
Self centred/self indulgent- doesnt judge himself in the same way he judges others. Takes things too personally
Boastful
Low confidence- this can mask itself as arrogance and over compensation
Very loud and dramatic
Manipulative
Attention seeking- needs so much attention, monopolises my time
Poor time management and organisation skills
Prone to exaggeration- always over and underestimating and embellishing details
Prone to jealousy
Inconsistent

Generally we get along great. He is 'salt of the earth' and has a big heart. Very people focused and genuinely wants to improve the lives of all people. Very passionate about his country and the world. He loves heroes and underdogs and backing the little guy. We've spent days debating, laughing, brainstorming, playing age of empires, writing stories, scripts and songs, shooting each other with nerf guns and playing with toy helicopters and cars and gadgets. He loves toys, gadgets, gimmicks and new technology. He reminds me of the inventor in the childrens movie 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang'.

He has changed a lot in the time that Ive known him. He was well on is way towards being rich before he met me, and then I ruined everything with my constant moralising (i dont know if he's entirely forgiven me). He lives pretty ethically now and is great at informing and motivating others around him to do the same. He also tries really hard not to lie anymore, well to me, anyway. The thing I like best about him is that he is willing to change and is not stuck in his way. Thats pretty much his attitude towards everthing in the world though. He cant help but see the potential and possibilities in the world because he's not 'tied' to anything, and he is willing to make changes as necessary to strive for improvement.

The ENTP personality reminds me of the Magician card in tarot. They have great potential and magnetic personalities but its hard to know how 'real' they are. If you believe in them they can flourish, fullfill their potential and be truly great, otherwise its just empty promises and sandcastles in the sky.
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As an ENTP myself, I I agree with almost all of Asarya's strengths and weaknesses. One thing I would say about character judging: I judge people well who are open/honest with me, or incapable of being deceptive. If people don't say what they mean, then I often don't pick on this. Once I've worked out what someone is really like, their lies won't fool me again though.

My own experience of INFJ's? Some of the nicest people I know, and some of the people I like best in the world. I find that I enjoy spending time with them, even if I don't have anything to say to them. I almost agree with them too much, and visa-versa, leaving us with nothing to talk about.
 
I already posted this once, so to abridge it: I'd rather deal with the reclusive, social ineptitude of the dysfunction "I" types than the Narcissistic, God Complexes of a dysfunctional ENTP. That's a no-brainer to me.
 
Well, being ENTP, I only have the very best experiences of INFJ's as both friends and partners, and my experience is that we supplement each other perfectly. I was in a relationship with two INFJ's and they were the most unproblematic relationships in my life, and if should run into one again, I certainly would go for it:). We NEVER argued, which is immensely weird, as jep, I do Love arguing and discussing everything. But I found myself at peace with INFJ partners, they secured the depth and direction and I stood for intellectual, cultural and social adventures highly appreciated by them, well as I see it match made in heaven. And we were not arguing because I just was getting my way, but their Fi side, considerateness and care we disarming me and made me actually listen and opened up my own F side (which otherwise doesn't happen that often). One of them later on became one of my my best friends. I'm a bit amazed reading this thread as some of the posts are almost on the verge of being bitter and a bit aggressive, never have experienced that with INFJ's before. And though I do recognize a lot of weaknesses mentioned as true, I can't identify myself (or other ENTP's I know) with the whole picture you get reading this thread. I would say that its only when smth go's seriously wrong that you find and ENTP running pointlessly around, being narcissistic and having no moral sense or compassion. That would be an ENTP with completely underdeveloped F side, exaggerated P side and super pronounced E, not that they don't exist, but... That is a simplification of our weaknesses, which does provide a caricature picture of some ENTPS, but I'm not sure it gives a nuanced and objective view of our type.

And well a good thing about out type is that we certainly are capable to grasp our own weaknesses, so rather then been scared, talk to us, and we'll try to make it work!
 
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I have never observed nor been able to imagine an ENTP having a deeply caring relationship with another person. I'm sure it happens; I've just never seen it.
 
niffer said:
I have never observed nor been able to imagine an ENTP having a deeply caring relationship with another person. I'm sure it happens; I've just never seen it.
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well, I guess ENTP's capacity for empathy and compassion would depend on two things:

1. Whether or not they have a well developed F side, and some of us do
2. Whether or not ENTP is aware of their strong T tendency

Its not that we don't have feelings or very strong feelings for that matter, but we tend to overrule them by our logic. But an ENTP being reflective of this tendency and its shortcomings (and that is perfectly understandable from rational point of view) can get in contact with and even allow oneself to be guided by their feelings, well, in combination with some reasoning though. And if you make sure that ENTP grasps the advantages of this approach they will work pretty hard to rediscover their feelings, hidden somewhere deep down:).
 
I <3 ENTPs. ENxPs, really. For some reason IRL we get along quite well. I tend to pick up on the energy of people around me, and the energy (or whatever you want to call it) they project helps get me out of my shell. : )
 
whytiger said:
There you go! Now you've got it! You're simply a cog in their grand mechanized vision. It's nothing personal. :D
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I am an INFJ female, with an ENTP male. We have been together for nearly a year and it seems that I am running into this problem/question consistently.....wondering if I am a cog in his machine, rather, "is he using me?"? I ponder this for hours on end, with and with out him. My confusion and concern worn on my face is starting to wear him down, especially after he spends the time to explain to me all the ways he loves me . I'm not sure if i should take it personally, or open up to the idea that everyone keeps people around them to gain something in there life. Therefore being a cog in someones life ,maybe isn't bad(?)
 
lifeintheshoesofa___ said:
I am an INFJ female, with an ENTP male. We have been together for nearly a year and it seems that I am running into this problem/question consistently.....wondering if I am a cog in his machine, rather, "is he using me?"? I ponder this for hours on end, with and with out him. My confusion and concern worn on my face is starting to wear him down, especially after he spends the time to explain to me all the ways he loves me . I'm not sure if i should take it personally, or open up to the idea that everyone keeps people around them to gain something in there life. Therefore being a cog in someones life ,maybe isn't bad(?)
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ENTPs can love people very deeply---at the same time they can't shut off their utilitarian approach to everything. It takes some courage to love one.
 
I sometimes think I am an ENTP....feeling the love here and now, feeling the love......
 
I like ENTPs, but I'm probably not INFJ, so I suppose my opinion is not valid.
 
I am so very grateful for the ENTP in my life. The last few weeks would have been a bitch without my friend's support. ENTPs are awesome
 
ENTPs- I have never been attracted to them, and I don't think I ever will be. To me, there is one friend in particular who always just comes off as cowardly and insecure, and "lawyerish". Because they see so many possibilities, they never really make any headway, and are quick to change their arguments. That being said, I've only known one or two from personal experience. Every time I see him he changes whatever he thinks based on what I say. I also don't like being his "externalized conscious" as he has the habit of seeing me as such. Probably my most annoying friend, and the one that I'm likely to hangout with only out of obligation.

The thing that annoys me the most is that he lingers forever, talking about stuff which is never resolved- he just keeps talking about new things. I like to talk about something philosophical and then come up with a plan of action- he doesn't do that and it drives me crazy. I recently found out that ENTPs are all about INFJs- but it doesn't seem mutual to me, ENTPs are overwhelming, and just generally over-stimulation for me. It's like drinking five cups of coffee and instead of doing something, just sitting there while my hands shake. I find it really draining. At least if there was some task or goal tied to the amount of talk- I'd feel like I'd accomplished something.

But, to talk about the pro's to having this friend- he is one of a few friends that actually keeps growing, and who is constantly trying to improve himself. So conversations with him can be nice, but only up to a point. He can bring in interesting metaphor, and has had the ability to show different perspectives. He is supportive, and he does try to be an active friend in my life, but he is one of the friends I keep at a distance. Partially because he is always so quick to change his positions- so I don't want to trust him with private information, and also because he is a shameless flatterer. The irony, is that in some ways he knows more about me than many of my friends, because he can trick or manipulate the conversations in such a way that I won't even realize that I am revealing information until afterwards.

I would never date ENTPs though, I don't trust them, and there is something that just comes off as really phony. I can tell he is a genuine person, he is who he is- I just don't really fundamentally trust a person that doesn't really have any morals.

In this sense, I prefer INTJs- they have moral causes, they are not overwhelming, they are more calming and once you've been dating for awhile, there is this great sense of dedication and rootedness.

ENTPs seem flighty, and like they might have some Napoleon complexes- I feel like they are never satisfied and always looking for something better. Or they see so many possibilities, that they are never content with what they have.
 
I don't find the INFJ man very attractive myself. ENTP / INFJ attraction just seems weird to me and unfounded.
 
While ENTPs can be be fun and interesting people, I really want to murder them sometimes. Even my INTJ death stare doesn't seem to warn them that I'm close to the edge.
 
Jacobi said:
While ENTPs can be be fun and interesting people, I really want to murder them sometimes. Even my INTJ death stare doesn't seem to warn them that I'm close to the edge.
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Sometimes it seems like fun to push someone as much as you can. Sometimes I get that Uh Oh moment when I've gone too far. It is almost like a game to see if you are good enough to find the spot or build the tension and then be able to do something that disarms it. I mean....yea....I know what you mean.....

Edit: I once pestered someone with comments that they didn't care about me or love me until they said they did then I told them not to get all mushy on me. I once told someone that the only thing saving them from being like a dude from Jersey Shore was the fact he was intelligent otherwise he would be a Situation Clone. Truthfully, I only interact this way with people I care about on some level.
 
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