INFJ - Why ENTPs scare me.

The scariest things about the one I know:
ability to talk about logical subjects for long periods of time.. wears me out after a while even though I enjoy listening to him.
scarily seductively awesome. >.<
He worries me at times when he's more ADHD than me. xD
He can't always seem to understand his emotions.. like he needs a guide or something..
 
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jupiterswoon said:
ENTPs- I have never been attracted to them, and I don't think I ever will be. To me, there is one friend in particular who always just comes off as cowardly and insecure, and "lawyerish". Because they see so many possibilities, they never really make any headway, and are quick to change their arguments. That being said, I've only known one or two from personal experience. Every time I see him he changes whatever he thinks based on what I say. I also don't like being his "externalized conscious" as he has the habit of seeing me as such. Probably my most annoying friend, and the one that I'm likely to hangout with only out of obligation.

The thing that annoys me the most is that he lingers forever, talking about stuff which is never resolved- he just keeps talking about new things. I like to talk about something philosophical and then come up with a plan of action- he doesn't do that and it drives me crazy. I recently found out that ENTPs are all about INFJs- but it doesn't seem mutual to me, ENTPs are overwhelming, and just generally over-stimulation for me. It's like drinking five cups of coffee and instead of doing something, just sitting there while my hands shake. I find it really draining. At least if there was some task or goal tied to the amount of talk- I'd feel like I'd accomplished something.

But, to talk about the pro's to having this friend- he is one of a few friends that actually keeps growing, and who is constantly trying to improve himself. So conversations with him can be nice, but only up to a point. He can bring in interesting metaphor, and has had the ability to show different perspectives. He is supportive, and he does try to be an active friend in my life, but he is one of the friends I keep at a distance. Partially because he is always so quick to change his positions- so I don't want to trust him with private information, and also because he is a shameless flatterer. The irony, is that in some ways he knows more about me than many of my friends, because he can trick or manipulate the conversations in such a way that I won't even realize that I am revealing information until afterwards.

I would never date ENTPs though, I don't trust them, and there is something that just comes off as really phony. I can tell he is a genuine person, he is who he is- I just don't really fundamentally trust a person that doesn't really have any morals.

In this sense, I prefer INTJs- they have moral causes, they are not overwhelming, they are more calming and once you've been dating for awhile, there is this great sense of dedication and rootedness.

ENTPs seem flighty, and like they might have some Napoleon complexes- I feel like they are never satisfied and always looking for something better. Or they see so many possibilities, that they are never content with what they have.
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As an addendum- recently with this friend, it seemed to come out that he expected more out of the friendship, and might have had a romantic interest in me- even though I've been in a relationship for six years. I think he was projecting his anima onto me. I still just think he's a sleazy friend. I had to very explicitly tell him that I have very set boundaries. I think his sister was trying to set me up with him, she kept bringing up the fact that he wanted to be "closer" friends, and that I was was "his ideal type" and that he wanted to be with someone like me, except that "he didn't find me attractive". I know I'm attractive, and that that is bs. Going back to my original complaint, ENTPs seem cowardly. Any time one of my friends in our group of friends is single, he tries to go after them.
 
I went on an ENTP forum once and heard it from them that they fear INFJs. I guess it has to with the INFJ's ability to see through them. Some of them said they were terrified of the way an INFJ might judge their morality, or lack of it. At the same time, they said INFJs could also make them feel really good, if they passed the little test.

I wish I were more aware of the effect I have on different kinds of people. It would be interesting to know.
 
UBERROGO said:
Everytime I read this I laugh. It just reeks of an infj superiority complex. Just get over yourself lol.
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Actually, some ENTPs really do!

I wouldn't have thought it.
 
James said:
It just depends on the person more than the type.
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This right here succintly sums up my opinion on the matter.
 
suuuurrrreeeee
*is disgusted*
 
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Hi everyone,

I feel pretty strongly about this subject because I'm an INFJ engaged to an ENTP!

Someone mentioned INTJs being a better/less scary choice for INFJs and based on my personal experience I would have to disagree. I dated an INTJ for two and a half years and while I felt deep affection for him, I greatly admired his intelligence and saw so much potential in him, looking back I realise now that a lot of the relationship was wasted trying to bridge the communication gaps between us. I would cry *constantly* (more than once a week), often I think because this seemed like the only way to make him realise I was upset. He would then ask me why I was crying and he would be surprised and distraught at how many attempts at voicing my unhapiness i had tried prior to breaking down into tears. I felt like a real nutcase for being so emotional and my self esteem suffered a great deal, nearly hitting rock bottom towards the end of the relationship. On the flip side I think what he resented most about me was that I would expect too much of him emotionally, socially and intellectually. Why was he so uncaring sometimes? Why didn't he push himself to be the best? Why didn't he share my aversion of greed in the world and love of all things just? Basically, we were a terrible fit and we both made each other feel and act like terrible people!

It took me a while to recover from the relationship (he ended it) but by the time I met my ENTP fiancé, I had bounced right back into being a stable and happy INFJ - idealistic about wanting to help people yet finding it hard to connect and converse with most, except a small group of close friends around whom I could be spontaneous, enthusiastic and i think, a good listener.

So I was at my happiest and stablest (no more tears!) when this friend-of-a-friend ENTP charmed me off my feet :). Beyond physical attraction, I think what worked so well about the INFJ/ENTP combination is that we both enjoyed talking about subjects in depth while admiring the fact we had different thought processes and came to different conclusions. I think a known characteristic of ENTPs is their ability to interact well with other types who think differently to them - unlike my experience with the INTJ who often only saw one right solution (theirs) to any given question. In addition, I think both ENTPs and INFJs like thinking about better futures and it's nice to plan how we think we can grow together and become better people. Finally, ENTPs communicate affection in a way that's easy to pick up, so I don't have to go fishing for emotion like I used to.

Obviously, I wouldn't say an ENTP/INFJ relationship is bound to be perfect, sometimes I think ENTPs can be a little blunt with their humour and as an INFJ I can be too sensitive and judgemental about this carelessness... But I think there's certainly some innate compatibility there. I think my fiancé finds it hard to believe how much of a psychotic girlfriend I used to be. The truth is (I hope) that I'm not really a naggy and insecure person... I want the best for the people around me, and while I do confuse myself a lot sometimes and I wish I was better at interacting with the world at large, I have quite a positive outlook on life.

So there you have it. I don't want to be unfair to all INTJs but I know that I'm personally incompatible with this type because we seem to bring out the worst in each other.
 
PippyLongstocking said:
We NEVER argued, which is immensely weird, as jep, I do Love arguing and discussing everything. But I found myself at peace with INFJ partners, they secured the depth and direction and I stood for intellectual, cultural and social adventures highly appreciated by them, well as I see it match made in heaven. And we were not arguing because I just was getting my way, but their Fi side, considerateness and care we disarming me and made me actually listen and opened up my own F side (which otherwise doesn't happen that often).
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This is exactly how I feel about my relationship with my ENTP. Mostly at peace and always planning adventures :)
 
I think in truth all types fear infjs, especially those that have given into their shadow sides. When I first played my entp wife at chess she thrashed me. She was great at picture puzzles.

After losing the first two games I beat her three times in a row. She was angry superficially but really she was scared by it. I think we both knew I wasn't great at chess by any means, but I "knew" her and that was how I won. Rational types can find that hard to accept.
 
Reading some horror stories of ENTP's makes me real sad. I mean I'm ENTP and just a tiny bit Autistic irl -- and a lot of these things people complain about I wouldn't fathom doing. I have a lot of morals. I'm in-tune with my emotions. I'm probably honest to a fault. I do really care about people. I stop talking if people are busy. I know when to stop talking about my ideas, and if they are unrealistic to keep them to myself.
 
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