[INTP] INTP/INFJ - The Golden Pair

noisebloom said:
I'm pretty crazy on the forum, but in real life, I'm less random and spontaneous (unless I'm drunk). I think my Ne is working in both cases, but my Fe prevents me from putting myself out there in front of people.

I also don't feel like most of my meme posts are representative of Ne at work. I'm just typing in a reaction on Giphy and choosing an option, usually.

Ne is when I'm having a conversation with someone and the light bulb turns on in a weird way. It's helpful and refreshing - a reminder that I'm human, as well...
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Stop worrying what other people think—you’re fine without that

Act as if you’re Fe is a part of your Ti-Ne

Hack the system

Win
 
I’m on the border as I’ve learned to lean into the awkward

Also your amazing ideas will never get out if you’re worried about consequences. Trust that you’ve thought through them 5x more in 5x less time than anybody else would

Go sing karaoke a few times

It’s all good

Win
 
Inferior function = weakness, prey
Dominant function = power, predator

Go sharpen that Ti blade and drip Ne all over

Stop giving in to Fe pressure

Hack the system

Win
 
INTP gets confidence and loses fear

All of a sudden everyone thinks they’re an extrovert. Maybe because that’s just how strong our Ti can be when we don’t think but KNOW
 
ClevelandINTP said:
Hang around ENxPs and it’s like coked up fruit flies
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Yeah it looks like he's dating another ENxP right now. All those weird artforms he painstakingly discusses and his random basketball data analytics all transferred to another person... Hahaha how convenient. Haha I need somewhere to be angry .
 
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sassafras said:
It's your prerogative whether you want to cut this short and let him back in, but remember: everything is a lesson. For a guy who is apparently observing you as if you were a specimen, consider that the lesson might be that if you get mad, all he has to do is give you a bit of softer attention and you're willing to settle for less. You suggested this yourself: if it means peace, you're happy to accept things as they are and merely joke about the rejection while pretending everything is fine; what you'd really feel inside or what you need to make yourself feel better isn't as important as this guy getting his reward for treating you softer and getting things back to normal as quickly as its comfortable for him.

For you, you'll learn your pain and heartbreak are second to everyone and everything else. That sets a dangerous precedent; if you've gone through this situation once and accepted it as it was, you can endure another situation like this again. You can get comfortable with it. Maybe even endure worse. This is how the slippery slope into abusive cycles begin. You're building boundaries right now. You're building the foundations for your self-esteem and your future relationships by prioritizing your needs first. Where you put boundaries and how well you stick to them is of paramount importance. You can't help anyone if you're not being honest about what you need and taking care of yourself first.

And it's going to be uncomfortable. Everyone talks about setting boundaries like its the easiest thing in the world but it's not. It's like going on a diet. You're setting new standards for yourself and that means you have to actively choose new behaviors that support your new standard of living and resist the comfort of old habits. It's hard, it'll take a lot out of you, but you suffer enough for other people. For once, bleed a little for yourself.

Don't make this decision lightly. You're not hurting him by stepping back. You're healing you. You need that space to get your head back on straight. I don't think that should be negotiable. Communicate to him clearly that you need some space and that you'll come back when you're ready. But... keep it simple and keep it short. I suspect he may want to turn it into a philosophical discussion and your feelings are still too soft to support your convictions. See how he reacts. See how he respects the boundaries you set in place and make note of them. But do set boundaries and do take the space. At the end of the day, every time you resist, your confidence will grow a little more.
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You have no idea how these words are very important to me. It's an everyday struggle, each day getting worse for now the way I see it. I mostly blame myself for letting it happen. I know I need to focus on myself but it is very hard. And it's not fair. It feels like I have been instantaneously forgotten or thrown to the side because a new toy came and it's prettier and more "weird" . I really reaaaally reaaaalllly need space. A pause on everything. A brief glimpse at least that he's hurting as badly as I am as though his guilt isn't enough. I know it's another demon to have him push me away but for a while I just need for him to stop existing to me so I can think of my self and think only of myself.... I'm in pain and I need him to see and understand that I am in pain. I need him to stop pretending like nothing is wrong, like he can fix this because he can't. He really broke me. His randomness. I always say I should have never ever let him in. I should have just trusted my logic about guys like these never being stable enough and never let my walls break.
 
MINFJToothFairy said:
Yeah it looks like he's dating another ENxP right now. All those weird artforms he painstakingly discusses and his random basketball data analytics all transferred to another person... Hahaha how convenient. Haha I need somewhere to be angry .
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Ugh. That didn't take too long at all. I'm sorry, dear. *BIG HUGS*

MINFJToothFairy said:
You have no idea how these words are very important to me. It's an everyday struggle, each day getting worse for now the way I see it. I mostly blame myself for letting it happen. I know I need to focus on myself but it is very hard. And it's not fair. It feels like I have been instantaneously forgotten or thrown to the side because a new toy came and it's prettier and more "weird" . I really reaaaally reaaaalllly need space. A pause on everything. A brief glimpse at least that he's hurting as badly as I am as though his guilt isn't enough. I know it's another demon to have him push me away but for a while I just need for him to stop existing to me so I can think of my self and think only of myself.... I'm in pain and I need him to see and understand that I am in pain. I need him to stop pretending like nothing is wrong, like he can fix this because he can't. He really broke me. His randomness. I always say I should have never ever let him in. I should have just trusted my logic about guys like these never being stable enough and never let my walls break.
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I don't think this is anyone's fault. It's just incompatibility. One day, you may be in a position where you must let someone down gently... and it will be gentle because you know how it feels. For him, there might still be some karma waiting in the wings if he's not careful. I don't know the exact details there.

Either way, this is a shitty situation. I wish there was something I could say that would make all this ugly business go away, but I've been heartbroken a few times myself. I know there isn't anything that will help other than time, patience, and different outlets and opportunities to express your grief.

I don't think him showing you that he's hurting too would be of much help. When we're down in the dumps like this, we tend to look at things like that and find hope where there isn't any... and hope can be incredibly misleading and delay our healing. I think it's a blessing in disguise that he's not showing you any remorse and moving on. It hurts, but the hurt will make it easier in the long run.

And honestly, I know this thread has been about looking at things in balance and shades of greys, but it is ok if you need to move into looking at things in black and white terms for a while. It simplifies the feelings and makes them easier to digest. And its therapeutic. Sometimes we have to move to extremes to find our middle, so hate him now, if you must. Get as angry as possible. Make him loathsome and disgusting and shut him out. It's OK to do that. You're just purging feelings. Be livid. Be sad. Be whatever it is that you feel. It's part of the process... you'll be OK eventually, I promise.

In the meantime, if you need us, we're here.
 
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sassafras said:
Ugh. That didn't take too long at all. I'm sorry, dear. *BIG HUGS*



I don't think this is anyone's fault. It's just incompatibility. One day, you may be in a position where you must let someone down gently... and it will be gentle because you know how it feels. For him, there might still be some karma waiting in the wings if he's not careful. I don't know the exact details there.

Either way, this is a shitty situation. I wish there was something I could say that would make all this ugly business go away, but I've been heartbroken a few times myself. I know there isn't anything that will help other than time, patience, and different outlets and opportunities to express your grief.

I don't think him showing you that he's hurting too would be of much help. When we're down in the dumps like this, we tend to look at things like that and find hope where there isn't any... and hope can be incredibly misleading and delay our healing. I think it's a blessing in disguise that he's not showing you any remorse and moving on. It hurts, but the hurt will make it easier in the long run.

And honestly, I know this thread has been about looking at things in balance and shades of greys, but it is ok if you need to move into looking at things in black and white terms for a while. It simplifies the feelings and makes them easier to digest. And its therapeutic. Sometimes we have to move to extremes to find our middle, so hate him now, if you must. Get as angry as possible. Make him loathsome and disgusting and shut him out. It's OK to do that. You're just purging feelings. Be livid. Be sad. Be whatever it is that you feel. It's part of the process... you'll be OK eventually, I promise.

In the meantime, if you need us, we're here.
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Thank you. This means a lot you know, to have somewhere to run to. For a while it has just been us so this is really something. I think I've officially started this quest for self-love. No more second guessing and hopes, just focusing on my self. I've had enough of the what ifs and what nots and should have beens.

Haha I will now be looking for forums about INFJ self love. Hahhaha. Why are we people even on line anyway? Hahaha
 
MINFJToothFairy said:
You have no idea how these words are very important to me. It's an everyday struggle, each day getting worse for now the way I see it. I mostly blame myself for letting it happen. I know I need to focus on myself but it is very hard. And it's not fair. It feels like I have been instantaneously forgotten or thrown to the side because a new toy came and it's prettier and more "weird" . I really reaaaally reaaaalllly need space. A pause on everything. A brief glimpse at least that he's hurting as badly as I am as though his guilt isn't enough. I know it's another demon to have him push me away but for a while I just need for him to stop existing to me so I can think of my self and think only of myself.... I'm in pain and I need him to see and understand that I am in pain. I need him to stop pretending like nothing is wrong, like he can fix this because he can't. He really broke me. His randomness. I always say I should have never ever let him in. I should have just trusted my logic about guys like these never being stable enough and never let my walls break.
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anyways i beg my pardon for my rascal behaviour. let us hope that you will forgive me.

or- OR maybe not. im just an fool and know nothing. i beg my pardon for asking the very name of your lover.

let us hope that you will forgive me. ( or maybe not ) for its too late for that. ( i think )

still - still i beg my pardon. since im not very well behaved. and this is an open secret.
 
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