Some people are trying to turn off whilst some people are trying to turn on; are these two sets of people able to inhabit the same space without friction?
I think so, if that were the only categorical break-down. I'm afraid it might go further than that though.
Someone mentioned cycles of problems on the forum. Does that occur because the forum has a sort of identity crisis? Is the forum a safe place for discussion and debate or is it a place to soothe the aching mind (or heart?). Is it a place to challenge perceptions and try and get closer to the truth (whatever that is) or is it a support group?
I think this forum does have an identity crisis. I think there is the facade (the name, the rules/policies) and then there is what actually happens here on the ground.
Some people have said that it is not what is being said but how it is being said. I'm not sure about that. INFJ's generally are less bothered about these things and are more interested in WHAT is being said....they don't have to like or admire a person to learn something from them.
This section caused the most thought for me. It is the only section I didn't feel completely sure of my agreement with. I don't think this is as clean as it appears. I would say that personally it is very much how things are being said, rather than what is being said, but if what is being said is aggressive or psychologically manipulative, then I guess it could be argued that I am upset by the what as well.
I actually see this forum as more like four groups of posters (with many people overlapping into more than one group depending on day or mood). I see the silly, playful group that's here to unwind. I see the group that likes to debate current news or philosophical issues. I would primarily fall into a third group that is here to explore interpersonal/intrapersonal relationship dynamics. It could be called the emotional support group, but I think that's a more limited descriptor than the reasons I come here. Though I prefer by far to participate in and communicate with those in the third group, I have little to no problem co-existing with the first two groups. It is the fourth group that has caused me to express my current distress with the forum. My sense is that the fourth group doesn't really have it's own place. It participates in all three of the other groups. It turns play mean. It turns debate into no-holds-barred personal attacks. It turns emotional support into psychological beatings. I find being present with that group on this forum to be akin to living next door to a man who comes home every night and "unwinds" by beating the shit out of his wife. I can't tolerate being here in the presence of this element.
So if the question is about co-existence, then I think there's ample potential. If the question is actually about turning a blind eye to abuse, while putting up notes on the door that say "nothing to see here. we're just joking around" then I'm probably going to be moving and calling social services.
People have asked for calibration points. I have decided I'd like to offer myself up as sacrifice to this end. I am not fooled into thinking
calibration points means anything other than "please step into the punching bag and wait while we warm up for your beating". All the same, I know there are some members here who I respect that have expressed fear that they are who is being talked about. I can't speak for anyone else's experience here. I only know where
my lines are. I wish I felt I could offer more points of reference, but I only feel I can offer up examples that relate to me. I have certainly seen many more, but the times I've been a direct target have been few. If others want to step up and offer their calibration points, so be it.
I posted the following statement in my recent type me thread.
I guess part of the reason I'm questioning the infj type is that I do seem different than people here. I seem less..."sharp", and maybe more serious. That might be other influences aside from type, but I guess given that sense of difference, I was just curious what people here thought.
In response to this section of my post, [MENTION=3072]Royal[/MENTION] responded. I am paraphrasing my memory of their response because I reported it and it was deleted from my thread.
"It's because you're old. Get some botox."
I do not think this is the meanest behavior that goes on here by any means, but it was the only one I remember being the personal target of and so the only one I felt I legitimately had the right to bring up here. I believe that since Royal originally posted this, they should be willing to stand by their statement, and while it is no longer on the forum, that is not because Royal deleted it, but rather because the moderators deleted it.
Before the accusations start, yes, I understand this as a
joke. I do not value it. Royal and I are not friends. There is no context for me to understand this as playful.
I am at an age where I feel a great deal of insecurity about my appearance as I transition into middle age. I felt, upon receiving that comment, as if I had been punched in the stomach and all the wind had been knocked out of me. A month ago, I wouldn't have done anything except walk away, lick my wounds, and heal. I reported it because I'm sick of seeing people get punched here under the pretense of "joking" or "telling it like it is". There's a difference. One is respectful of speaking to another human being with feelings and the other is just verbal abuse. Verbal attacks are not OK just because they're packaged as a joke, a debate, or tough love. I personally believe verbal abuse is rampant here.
For the other side of the calibration I'd like to speak to my feelings about [MENTION=3710]kiu[/MENTION]. She has expressed some concern that she is among those who are problematic. Again, I can't speak about anyone else's experience, but for me, I have a great deal of respect for her. I have been in a number of threads where we stood at different perspectives on an issue. One of the threads I'm thinking of standing on different sides of the issue from her on had an emotional element for me and based on what she wrote, I sensed it had some emotional undertone for her as well. Despite disagreeing, I never felt disrespected by her (and I hope she never felt so by me). Disagreement does not necessitate disrespect.
[MENTION=1871]muir[/MENTION], I have not shared threads with you very often because my sense is that while I prefer the interpersonal/intrapersonal relationship threads, you likely more often frequent the debate threads. That said, I have enormous respect for what you outlined in your post here. I think there is some rich material for problem-solving within it. I hope it is taken under consideration by the forum and it's decision-makers. I also hope you don't choose to leave. While not knowing your posting style overall, based on the post in this thread, I see no reason why your style should not be welcome in a forum for infjs.