[PUG] Male Rape

[Flavus Aquila]

There seems to be a presumption in many quarters of society that men don't need many of the supports afforded to women.

Part of it may be that the mere suggestion that men, as a group, may need support services is taboo.

 

[Betteralone]

There seems to be a presumption in many quarters of society that men don't need many of the supports afforded to women.

Part of it may be that the mere suggestion that men, as a group, may need support services is taboo.

Exactly.
Men are just as emotional and vulnerable as women. Society teaches us that they are not supposed to feel. That they are supposed to be strong and never have any emotional issues.

Don't hate me! Men are actually the weaker sex. They are physically stronger, but, they are weaker when they are born. A male baby is at a higher risk for complications, especially if born prematurely. And, as we know, men tend to "suffer" more from colds and physical ailments. Not being mean, but they can be babies when they're sick. :sick: Women usually just keep on goin - still take care of the house, the kids, the hubby and work. It's factual, I'm not makin it up


There was a study done with infants. The mothers sat in front of them and cooed, smiled and talked to them. The mothers then became silent, had a "still face" and turned away from the infants. The females cried and tried to get mom's attention, but quickly stopped and started looking around the room. The males cried and tried to get mom's attention until she turned back. They were more emotional over the situation.

We are all HUMAN. We all laugh, we all hurt, we all cry, we all feel. Well, maybe not those sociopath serial killers. :lol:

 

[bamf]

There is plenty of support for women and children because it is the most commonly reported.

Not true at all. There may be support groups, but rape victims are hardly supported, male, female, or child. It's a social taboo. Like you said about men "wanting" it, the same goes for females. As you've stated before, they dress in a fashion that says "rape me." Society has much of the same view.

We don't know if the percentage or number of women who rape is accurate because so often it goes unreported, like you've stated.

Exactly, but the fact remains that men overwhelmingly commit the majority of the violence in the world, and thus it is presumable that more men rape than women. There is data present, and as I said, we can loosely assume somewhere around 90% of rapists are male. Even if it's 80%, that's still a large percentage. Men rape more than women. That doesn't make the women raping men any less "criminal" but it's a fact.

The cases of rape we hear on television are typical 'stranger rapes women' etc.

Which just further perpetuates the stereotype that women need to learn to defend themselves from strangers in the dark. Most rapes occur when the victim knows the attacker, and I would presume that it's even more so the case when women rape men. Thus, obviously something needs to be done in the means of social context and how men/women relate and respect one another. The onus isn't on one gender or the other, rape affects everyone.

We don't hear about the personal cases about someone that a boy or man knows raping them, unless it's teacher raping man and then there's the controversy that there was consent.

There is always controversy as to whether or not there was consent, male or female. This isn't something special to men. It is why the subject as a whole, without regard to gender, needs to be discussed.

Contrary to what you believe, I think that men need a special focus. All of the threads dealing with rape on this entire forum associate rape with females.

Take, the Rape Condom for example. That was a thread about females.

Take, Rape and Self Defense for females.

That....was about females and rape.

They don't talk about men. When we generalize rape we just talk about women. That's why this thread is here.

Fair enough, but the Rape and Self Defense thread (which I started) dealt with the specific way society teaches women the need to defend themselves without putting blame on a majority of the guilty part; men.

However, I do agree that male rape needs focus too. I disagree with how you're going about it, and think that when talking about something so general as rape, it should cover the entire field. If we are talking about support for men, fair enough. If it's just a rant and rave, I will politely step out.

 

[Skathac]

Strange you say that about babies. My mother said I was unusually silent for a baby, never cried. She said my sister on the other hand raised all kinds of hell.

 

[enfp can be shy]

How does saying one is victimized make them socially inferior? Wouldn't saying otherwise be a more likely label of inferiority? As opposed to being a victim you deserve said treatment?

Sorry, my bad, didn't word the post well - it was response to slant's comment to my first post; in addition the flow of verbs totally mixed up what I was trying to say. In short, I was wondering why the physically male side of the sexual act is also seen as the dominant one; the other party is the harrased one. After all, these organs are supposed to bring pleasure to each side; and if not, then people shouldn't do it.

 

[slant]

However, I do agree that male rape needs focus too. I disagree with how you're going about it, and think that when talking about something so general as rape, it should cover the entire field. If we are talking about support for men, fair enough. If it's just a rant and rave, I will politely step out.

No, I'm not ranting and raving.

 

[On my own path]

That took a lot to admit, and I really respect you for it. Those "others" who subjected you to this have problems. Their parents most likely had problems and prejudice and passed them on to their children. I think we as a society have made decent progress since I was young and had these type of situations and people around me. But we still have a ways to go. The quiet, thoughtful, unassuming male still has a lot of problem growing up. I too am sorry you had to endure this. You almost expect this from idiot males, its how we program them. But to get similar treatment from the girls is, somehow, even more sad to me. This type of behavior is never pretty. The best thing we can do is raise our kids better and speak out when we see this type of thing.

I am sorry you were subjected to the ugly side of humanity. I hope if you are not already to be surrounded by people that love, understand, and value you for a friend and respect your values.

Thank you both for your kind words

Exactly.
Men are just as emotional and vulnerable as women. Society teaches us that they are not supposed to feel. That they are supposed to be strong and never have any emotional issues.

Don't hate me! Men are actually the weaker sex. They are physically stronger, but, they are weaker when they are born. A male baby is at a higher risk for complications, especially if born prematurely. And, as we know, men tend to "suffer" more from colds and physical ailments. Not being mean, but they can be babies when they're sick. :sick: Women usually just keep on goin - still take care of the house, the kids, the hubby and work. It's factual, I'm not makin it up


There was a study done with infants. The mothers sat in front of them and cooed, smiled and talked to them. The mothers then became silent, had a "still face" and turned away from the infants. The females cried and tried to get mom's attention, but quickly stopped and started looking around the room. The males cried and tried to get mom's attention until she turned back. They were more emotional over the situation.

We are all HUMAN. We all laugh, we all hurt, we all cry, we all feel. Well, maybe not those sociopath serial killers. :lol:

Strange you say that about babies. My mother said I was unusually silent for a baby, never cried. She said my sister on the other hand raised all kinds of hell.

It is all really subjective. When I was a baby, according my parents said that I was unusually quiet and well behaved as well;I hardly ever cried. There was one incident in particular when they told me that when all the other babies were asleep or crying, I just quitely looked around the room.Also one's mindset matters. When I am sick I keep on going because I have responsibilities and duties. I also do not always tell my loved ones because I do not want to be burden and because I do not want them to worry.

I do not think that it is fair or right to say that one sex is automatically always going to be better than one another at anything. Every person on the planet has their own individual weaknesses. Also the belief that all men are stronger than all women, I believe is false. I am sure that the majority of women on forum my height and weight could easily best me at physical strength

 

[the]

I think it is interesting that since we are talking about males getting raped, many of the first replies were to degenderize it but when we talk about women getting raped it is omg that is so bad lets get a lynch party started.

 

[Skoffin]

I think it is interesting that since we are talking about males getting raped, many of the first replies were to degenderize it but when we talk about women getting raped it is omg that is so bad lets get a lynch party started.

Pretty much, it seems to be common throughout society.

 

[bamf]

No, I'm not ranting and raving.

Then what is your idea for a solution, or at least a work in progress? I respect the need to bring it to light. It happens and people ignore it. So then what? What do we do to stop it? What is it about other men or women that give them the urge to rape men?

 

[slant]

Then what is your idea for a solution, or at least a work in progress? I respect the need to bring it to light. It happens and people ignore it. So then what? What do we do to stop it? What is it about other men or women that give them the urge to rape men?

It doesn't matter why men or women rape each other.
I don't know of any real prevention methods other than education on the topic.

Male Rape needs to be talked about. The more it is talked about and publicized the easier it will become for the general public [mostly western society] to accept the concept that male rape is real and that it does happen and that support can be given to men who are survivors of such activities.

People aren't going to accept the idea and feel safe coming forward unless the traditional gender roles of western society are disproved and pushed aside.

The reason men feel unsafe talking about it in the first place is because they are not allowed to. There are a lot of men issues that are issues for men because of social expectations.

This is one of them.

 

[rbecca23]

As I've grown up, I've learned that these myths you speak of are not true in the least. For example, prison rape is typically not about sexuality, but power and domination.

I know of someone who was molested and raped as a child by a man; he's an adult now, and he's never really faced this truth, and it plagues him. Interestingly enough, I feel like that past experience has contributed to how he sees women: sacred creatures who demand respect, but his relationships with men tend to be strained, or extremely casual. My heart goes out to him. These acts should not be tolerated, or ignored. Ever.

 

[acd]

Actually Slant, glad you brought this up.

My opinion is that it happens and that it is just as wrong, and violating as female rape.

The only story I can share is a male friend I have, who told me that he had gotten drunk at a party, and was raped by a woman. He was a virgin before that and is still, years later, very angry about it. I don't think he ever sought counseling or support for it though, like Flavus mentioned earlier.. He may find it taboo that he even feels angry about it in our culture.

There seems to be a presumption in many quarters of society that men don't need many of the supports afforded to women.

Part of it may be that the mere suggestion that men, as a group, may need support services is taboo.

I was surprised to learn at a rape seminar I went to that some female rape victims orgasm because that's just the way their body is responding and they can't help it. Imagine the added grief and guilt someone goes through who has been through that. A physiological response to stimuli does not mean that the person wants or enjoys it.
It's definitely feasible that just because a man may get an erection, doesn't mean he wants to have sex.

 

[Betteralone]

Thank you both for your kind words





It is all really subjective. When I was a baby, according my parents said that I was unusually quiet and well behaved as well;I hardly ever cried. There was one incident in particular when they told me that when all the other babies were asleep or crying, I just quitely looked around the room.Also one's mindset matters. When I am sick I keep on going because I have responsibilities and duties. I also do not always tell my loved ones because I do not want to be burden and because I do not want them to worry.

I do not think that it is fair or right to say that one sex is automatically always going to be better than one another at anything. Every person on the planet has their own individual weaknesses. Also the belief that all men are stronger than all women, I believe is false. I am sure that the majority of women on forum my height and weight could easily best me at physical strength

No. No two people, sexes, genders, mothers, fathers, waitresses, babies, brother, cops, doctors etc. are exactly alike. Yes, each person is an individual, but generally speaking, what I said is true. The majority of people fall into these categories, these statistics, but not 100%. I would think that is a given. My apologies if I offended you or was not clear.

 

[That Girl]

It doesn't matter why men or women rape each other.
I don't know of any real prevention methods other than education on the topic.

How can there be prevention if you don't understand the root of the problem? That's like saying it doesn't matter why people get cancer and we should just focus on a treatment while providing a support group.

 

[Reon]

How can there be prevention if you don't understand the root of the problem? That's like saying it doesn't matter why people get cancer and we should just focus on a treatment while providing a support group.

So, since we don't understand why people get cancer should we ignore the subject of cancer all together? Unless I'm mistaken, no one has the "answer" and the answer isn't just "one" thing. I believe simply talking about the subject can lead to some answers, even if it is just a detail of a bigger concept of rape/power play

 

[the]

personally if i was raped i wouldnt be thinking about if they were more powerful than me or if it was cause they like it sexually. I would be thinking about how much i dislike being raped. I think that is what matters the most to the victims anyway, their dislike for being raped.

Also in prison it is both a sex and power thing, at least according to the videos i watched on the subject.

 

[aeon]

an old haiku of mine:

they fucked me and then
threw me away like kleenex
trampled my flower

Memories come to me in reading this thread, and feelings too.

My sense is that I am too tender to argue in this thread, much less to tell my stories.

I'm not ashamed. I accept what happened. I just don't want to perturb my inner state of being right now. Type 9 and all, heh.


Namaste,
Ian

 

[That Girl]

So, since we don't understand why people get cancer should we ignore the subject of cancer all together? Unless I'm mistaken, no one has the "answer" and the answer isn't just "one" thing. I believe simply talking about the subject can lead to some answers, even if it is just a detail of a bigger concept of rape/power play

Exactly, we should be talking about it, but we shouldn't be ignoring what's behind the curtain. Talking about it is great but stopping it would be better.

personally if i was raped i wouldnt be thinking about if they were more powerful than me or if it was cause they like it sexually. I would be thinking about how much i dislike being raped. I think that is what matters the most to the victims anyway, their dislike for being raped.

Also in prison it is both a sex and power thing, at least according to the videos i watched on the subject.

If people could find out why people raped then we could prevent rapes in the first place. Thus, you wouldn't need to think about whether you liked it or not.

 

[slant]

Exactly, we should be talking about it, but we shouldn't be ignoring what's behind the curtain. Talking about it is great but stopping it would be better.

If people could find out why people raped then we could prevent rapes in the first place. Thus, you wouldn't need to think about whether you liked it or not.

I do not, personally, think it is possible to find the answer for why all people rape others.

I think it is circumstance pending and in that sense we can't generalize why people rape, we have to take every case at a time and examine it.

It also depends on what psychology method you are going at it from, but really, there will never be an exact answer.

Psychology is abstract, it's not an absolute Science like effective treatments against immune system damaging viruses like Cancer and HIV.

With cancer, there is an obvious problem: we can identify the virus but our only question is how to terminate it.

With psychological analysis of rapists, there is not an obvious problem that is the same in every case. If it was a genetic defect that caused people to rape then that would be one thing, but we don't know what it is so we really can't solve it.

If we found a physical cause, like, hypothetically, everyone who raped had x going on with their brain which is different than everyone else than I am sure medical science could cure that. But that's not the case, and psychology tends to attribute personality and mental disorders to almost every rapist, these, we know, do not have an all solve cure. Mental and personality disorders can be controlled with medicine that has various side effects but it can't be eliminated.