Milktoast Bandit
Dominate with compassion...
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Smh
Well now that everyone else has been entirely much more harsh than me, I don't feel so bad!!!Sorry April, but no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no.
Do not do this, my friend. As @Pin says, she's not worth it at all. In fact, you should probably give her the cold shoulder as it sounds like she needs to learn that men are not toys.
She has treated you like shit. She has been emotionally unfaithful. She has been selfish. You have found out what she's like; celebrate! You're off the hook!
Could you possibly imagine what she'd be like if you guys were married or something? Fuck that.
Walk. That's it. It's simple. Tame your inner bitch and walk.
I don't think it's about growing up or growing balls. Give him a break, he's in love with her and that makes him act irrational. It's not about immaturity. At least, not to me. But what do I know, lol. I'm just saying... a grown and/ or mature man could have just as easily ended up here.Yeah, I think what @Puzzlenuzzle is trying to say is:
Grow some balls and grow up man.
You need to realise the truth of what's happened here and then reassert your pride.
I know it's hard, man, and you probably love her. But this is why her selfishness has hurt you. Walk.
Walk.
Walk.
Walk.
What he said!!!!Sorry for what you're going through, man. Lots of good advice in this thread...
Heartbreak is fucking devastating and merciless, but it's also a rare and tremendous learning opportunity. If you let her go, you have a choice: wallow or thrive. You can become twice the man you were, and being single can be incredibly empowering once you start healing.
You will heal stronger than ever before if you pick yourself up and look forward. I know what I've said may sound a bit like a cheesy inspirational cassette you'd pop into your car, but it's true: the possibility for growth after heartbreak is immense.
And I was trying to leave you amidst the garbage piles instead of telling you to clean it up.Thank you thank you Trying to fit in hahaha
And I'm fine, I've been a lot better. I'm really more sad/disappointed about how it had to end. I really thought we had a something real. I was ready to make it work, but that's my typical life experience, I always get dropped. Always the one putting in all the effort in the end. And the worse of all is that I know once I move on and she realises she fucked up.. she will most likely come running back to me. My ex from 2 years ago dumped me and she is still actively trying to get back with me, trying to convince me she fucked up. lol
We'll see how it goes, I feel a little bit of resentment towards her at the moment. She is pretty cold and hurtful towards my feelings and I am mad at her for doing this to me.. but who knows what's in for me in the future.
Thank you
Let me give you a serious reply as well then. It makes sense that you're mad at her. Rightfully so. She isn't being very respectful towards you.I wish I knew why she slammed the door at me though. her reasons don't seem to match up to reason a break up. And I am not even sure if she still have feelings, that's all assuming she still loves me.
This is clear passive aggression and lack of emotionally honest, open communication. This problem lies with her, you're already doing everything you can.I often asked her to talk to me when I knew there was something wrong, like I could feel something was bothering her, but she would insist that everything was fine..
There isn't just one reason, and her feelings shift a lot, hence the mixed signals. She does know the reasons, but every reason is dependent on another shifting feeling, hence she tells you a different thing each time.And.... her reasons are very very inconsistent. She says one thing then the other day she says another thing.. it's as if she doesn't even know herself why she broke up with me or she knows but doesn't want to say the real reason.
She's afraid of open communication. Her passive aggressive denial of the problems before, and the fact that she did dare to give you all the reasons after breaking up with you, makes me feel as if she believes that direct, open communication will lead to a negative outcome. I think she's afraid that if she confronts you directly, you will react negatively, get angry at her, get into a massive fight, and break up the relationship yourself.Also.. when she broke up with me,she listed alllllllllll the things I had done wrong throughout the relationship.
More lack of open communication. Hinting doesn't work. That problem still lies with her."everytime i wanted to confront you, you would get mad" (not true) and she said she hinted at me a lot.
Well yeah, I'd feel disconnected too if I didn't openly communicate my feelings and let all my anger build up inside! *facepalm*. She doesn't see it, but this problem really lies with her.But that she just wasn't happy with me she felt disconnected to me.
Classic rebound guy, and indicative of her problem with open communication.she was talking to this guy constantly on her phone. And as time went by.. she started having feelings for him... and became sexual with him as well
@JennyDaniella is single. (Just kidding JD!)
Let me give you a serious reply as well then. It makes sense that you're mad at her. Rightfully so. She isn't being very respectful towards you.
Feelings don't go away that easily. I'm quite sure she still loves you. Her mixed signals seem a strong indicator of that. Unfortunately, love is what brings people together, but it is the relationship problems that drive people apart.
You seem like a good guy, and you obviously still love her a lot, so I understand that you want her back. I've been in the same situation myself, my ex broke up with me out of the blue after 6 years. I did everything in my power to win him back, and succeeded. I wish I never had. I lost all my power, worth and self esteem. The next 2 years I was back together with him, I was completely miserable. Our relationship had only gotten worse. Until one day he broke up with me out of the blue again. That was a year ago. I'm much happier now.
I'm going to be blunt now, sorry in advance. Ultimately it's your decision, but before you proceed I want you to seriously consider these two questions.
Why do you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?
You deserve someone who is as invested, committed and motivated as you clearly are. Is that her?
Why do you believe your relationship will be better the second time around?
You can change, adapt and compromise. Will she?
Your relationship problems, I believe, are as follows.
This is clear passive aggression and lack of emotionally honest, open communication. This problem lies with her, you're already doing everything you can.
There isn't just one reason, and her feelings shift a lot, hence the mixed signals. She does know the reasons, but every reason is dependent on another shifting feeling, hence she tells you a different thing each time.
She's afraid of open communication. Her passive aggressive denial of the problems before, and the fact that she did dare to give you all the reasons after breaking up with you, makes me feel as if she believes that direct, open communication will lead to a negative outcome. I think she's afraid that if she confronts you directly, you will react negatively, get angry at her, get into a massive fight, and break up the relationship yourself.
More lack of open communication. Hinting doesn't work. That problem still lies with her.
This is a problem you can actually partially fix though. She felt you'd get mad at her if she was direct with you. You dismiss this out of hand. Now, I believe you that you don't get mad. You don't seem the type. You seem to appreciate directness and you tried to get her to talk. But you dismissing her concern like that? She would feel unheard about something that is very important to her. I can see why should would clam up.
Why does she feel like you would get mad? Is this something you've done before? Or is this something from her past and has nothing to do with you?
The only thing you can do here is to *assure* her you won't get mad, ask her why she feels you would get mad, ask her to confront you with one important issue, and then really don't get mad when she tells you, and build up that trust. If she still doesn't tell you, well, nothing you can do.
Well yeah, I'd feel disconnected too if I didn't openly communicate my feelings and let all my anger build up inside! *facepalm*. She doesn't see it, but this problem really lies with her.
Classic rebound guy, and indicative of her problem with open communication.
So there you have it.
If you still want to proceed, these two resources helped me.
https://exbackpermanently.com/blog/
https://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/
I really wouldn't recommend it though. I'm sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear, but your self-worth and self-esteem will thank me in a year. You're a good guy, you deserve a good girl.
@JennyDaniella is single. (Just kidding JD!)
Group hug!!!Thanks guys. Right now I can't think clearly. Part of me wants to move on but at the same time I want to know if there's any chances to salvage something out of it. Im very confused and I am in no position to make a decision to be honest. I appreciate all your advice and they are taken seriously, all of them.. Now it's up to me to use them wisely. You are all my friends and I enjoy your company and that's what matters to me right now.
I am in no position to make a decision to be honest.
Well no matter what you decide, we will support you. (We might lovingly tease you though ) This is a very understanding group.Once you tell me something you usually don't really need to repeat it to me, I am very organised. I will try to implement the new idea as soon as possible as efficiently as possible, but if I don't know the problem I don't know what there is to fix. So it's really a shame that she couldn't open up to me with everything, things could of been way way different.. and you know what's Ironic.. she's the one that found out about my personality type so she was full blown aware that I am an ENTJ. She would even brag about how she loved it.
Hahaha I know, Im here to stayWell no matter what you decide, we will support you. (We might lovingly tease you though ) This is a very understanding group.
Hahaha I know, Im here to stay
Find someone who understands your way of showing love.