No Boyfriend Since Birth!!

[Oscillation]

[MENTION=13285]Oscillation[/MENTION] "self-limiting", perhaps?

That is also true, but I was thinking more of "forbidden", "taboo", as in a mental barrier I have that tells me that I'm not allowed to make a list of attributes I would like my wife/girlfriend to have. Sort of as if anyone was telling me that "It's not right, you just don't do it. Others might do it, but you shouldn't."

 

[barbad0s]

That is also true, but I was thinking more of "forbidden", "taboo", as in a mental barrier I have that tells me that I'm not allowed to make a list of attributes I would like my wife/girlfriend to have. Sort of as if anyone was telling me that "It's not right, you just don't do it. Others might do it, but you shouldn't."

"taboo" or "a no-no" should probably be fine. it's hard to find one word that will express all of that so neatly and concisely.

 

[SpecialEdition]

Wow people get really caught up on specific characteristics of having an ideal mate instead of focusing on what they can bring to the table for EACH OTHER.

If you need someone to coddle you and pander to your needs without considering what you can bring to someone else you should just not even bee thinking about relationships to being with. If you are so inside your head that you need someone to constantly pull you out of it and only communicate on a level that you think is acceptable to you without trying to meet people where they are at then I am sorry to say your relationships are, 100% going to fail.

Maybe those sorts of ideals come from the lack of experience in mature relationships but you should all know that is a 50/50 transaction. That is to say don't expect any mate to be satisfied with you if you are not considering what THEY need from you as opposed to exclusively focusing on what you need from them. I mean get real for a second and consider what compatibility, chemistry and compromise is all about. You should be partnering each other instead of having a trophy mate that will behave on your whims and desires without you having to do any work to satisfy them intellectually, emotionally or physically.

I mean come on. Get the fuck out of your fantasies and understand that the kinds of people you want to be with are actually PEOPLE who are not responsible for you and how you feel. You are responsible for yourself. Just as your partner will complement you and your personality, you must complement theirs. Maybe before trying to attract an ideal mate you need to figure out what it is about you that makes you valuable as a human being so you actually have something to offer instead of worry about what you want to take from another person.

I mean, that is if you actually want to have fulfilling meaningful relationships in your life across the board.

 

[54tjsioU]

Thank you! I've been wanting to yell about this thread since it started >:| [MENTION=7838]SpecialEdition[/MENTION]

 

[jimtaylor]

@Breathlessangel
I didn’t read every response so I apologize if my response is repetitive. I admire your resolve and desire to have certain standards but I’m of a different mindset.

“Did you hear about the rose that grew from a crack in the concrete? Proving nature's laws wrong, it learned to walk without having feet. Funny, it seems to by keeping it's dreams; it learned to breathe fresh air. Long live the rose that grew from concrete when no one else even cared.”

Love and relationships for me aren’t about finding that “perfect” person who has no flaws and no baggage. For me it’s about finding that person who has scars and its part of what makes them beautiful. They have gone through their ups and downs and come out from it the better. They know what they want, they have experienced the bad and aren’t afraid of it. They aren’t afraid of getting knocked down and living because they know who they are and they know they are going to get back up.

They know; without doubt, of the strength and beauty they possess, inside and out. Your post makes me doubt that you truly know how much you are worth because you haven’t experienced it being challenged and you seek the perfect love because you are afraid of what would happen if it didn’t go as planned. You are afraid of how you would handle it. That is not an insult, just an observation. Insecurity is something we all deal with. If it didn’t go as planned, it wouldn’t shatter your world, sending you down into a deep dark abyss never to return. It would only do that if you allowed it to, if you didn’t believe that you were and are capable of more.

That one mistake or failure does not determine your life. You as a person are not defined entirely by your relationships. Your worth and value as a person is not diminished because of one, two, three, etc… failed relationships. Humans are complex and we all have very different upbringings and rarely do we mesh without any form of conflict. Sometimes this conflict becomes too much. Other times as we grow and experience more things, what was the perfect fit in the beginning becomes not such a great fit and vice versa.

There is no better teacher than experience. So for me it’s not about finding someone who is perfect but someone who is beautiful because of their imperfections. That requires actually getting to know someone and you can hardly get to know someone and I mean really get to know them by a “vibe” alone. You have to see them at their best and their worst which means making an investment into them.

In the end, you make that investment and it may not pay off the way you hoped or dreamed but you learn. You grow and you get a few of your own scars from it and become even more beautiful as a result. We give ourselves and hope that the unique strengths we all have is something they will admire and we do the same in return. If they don’t then we learn and move on. Each time growing and evolving, learning more about ourselves and our own needs and the things we have to give to another person. I may be different but it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

 

[Oscillation]

Wow people get really caught up on specific characteristics of having an ideal mate instead of focusing on what they can bring to the table for EACH OTHER.

If you need someone to coddle you and pander to your needs without considering what you can bring to someone else you should just not even bee thinking about relationships to being with. If you are so inside your head that you need someone to constantly pull you out of it and only communicate on a level that you think is acceptable to you without trying to meet people where they are at then I am sorry to say your relationships are, 100% going to fail.

Maybe those sorts of ideals come from the lack of experience in mature relationships but you should all know that is a 50/50 transaction. That is to say don't expect any mate to be satisfied with you if you are not considering what THEY need from you as opposed to exclusively focusing on what you need from them. I mean get real for a second and consider what compatibility, chemistry and compromise is all about. You should be partnering each other instead of having a trophy mate that will behave on your whims and desires without you having to do any work to satisfy them intellectually, emotionally or physically.

I mean come on. Get the fuck out of your fantasies and understand that the kinds of people you want to be with are actually PEOPLE who are not responsible for you and how you feel. You are responsible for yourself. Just as your partner will complement you and your personality, you must complement theirs. Maybe before trying to attract an ideal mate you need to figure out what it is about you that makes you valuable as a human being so you actually have something to offer instead of worry about what you want to take from another person.

I mean, that is if you actually want to have fulfilling meaningful relationships in your life across the board.

Touche!
One might not speak of every part of ones soul; of struggles, doubts and fears. So is this you speak of always there in my mind: "it takes two to tango"! (Even though I haven't mentioned it yet). But still, how could you speak of what you are able to give, when you have no idea of what that other person wants? Wouldn't that just be another way to focus on yourself and make sure "how wonderful I am - this is my good sides that she/he will love". I for one have no idea what my future partner are going to like about me, but I sure will give it to her. I wouldn't want a onesided relationship. That's the reason she'll need to be on the same level of conversation - because that'll mean I'm on the same level as her, you see. I guess I could have put it in better words. If we weren't on the same level, none of us would feel good about it.
That's my thinking anyways...

 

[Oscillation]

[MENTION=7838]SpecialEdition[/MENTION], you're right about that the focus might have been to egocentric overall in this thread though - hence "touche"!

 

[SpecialEdition]

Touche!
One might not speak of every part of ones soul; of struggles, doubts and fears. So is this you speak of always there in my mind: "it takes two to tango"! (Even though I haven't mentioned it yet). But still, how could you speak of what you are able to give, when you have no idea of what that other person wants? Wouldn't that just be another way to focus on yourself and make sure "how wonderful I am - this is my good sides that she/he will love". I for one have no idea what my future partner are going to like about me, but I sure will give it to her. I wouldn't want a onesided relationship. That's the reason she'll need to be on the same level of conversation - because that'll mean I'm on the same level as her, you see. I guess I could have put it in better words. If we weren't on the same level, none of us would feel good about it.
That's my thinking anyways...

Here's how I evaluate myself in my relationship:

Do I treat my boyfriend with kindness, respect and understanding? Do I listen to what it is that he has to say and try to relate to him? Do I participate in activities that he enjoys so we can enjoy them together? Do I take the time to learn about things that are important to him and that make him happy? When I have something on my mind that may cause conflict, how do I approach the conversation? Am I taking responsibility for myself and my thoughts and feelings, or am I pushing them onto him and trying to make him responsible? When I am in a bad mood do I treat him like a person that I genuinely love and respect or do I take my emotions out on him? When he is is in my home, do I provide for him and make him feel comfortable and like an honoured guest? Do I share in our expenses where I can? Do I surprise him? Do I initiate sex, do I initiate emotional intimacy, do I come up with ideas of things we can do on dates together? How much decision making am I willing to take on to maintain balance between us? When I express my needs, am I making demands or am I simply communicating so we have an understanding?

There are a lot of things I ask myself within the context of my relationship. This man is wonderful and what I consider to be perfect for me though fundamentally there are things that are VERY different about us. However I know that making him happy is a huge priority of mine, just as it is a priority of his to make him happy. So I put my best foot forward even in times when I am experiencing weakness because I want us to work together as a team even though we are each responsible for ourselves.

There is nothing egocentric about making sure that you are putting the best of yourself forward even when you are going through difficult periods. There is value in sharing your darker side but it can be done without being a drain on the person that you are with. It has nothing to do with how good I am on a superficial level and everything to do with me making sure that I am partnering my boyfriend well. In turn, he does this also and we work. There are people who I have been with in the past who did not reciprocate my level of care so naturally those relationships did not last though I do not regret them. They are learning experiences and I have moved on.

Anyway, I find it ridiculous to list off traits of what you expect in a partner if you are not willing to do the same for yourself. Inevitably if you want to be on the same wavelength of someone you have to make sure that you yourself are on the wavelength that you are setting expectations for. Otherwise you will consistently be disappointed in your mates because you are setting the bar high enough that you cannot even reach it.

 

[Oscillation]

Here's how I evaluate myself in my relationship:

Do I treat my boyfriend with kindness, respect and understanding? Do I listen to what it is that he has to say and try to relate to him? Do I participate in activities that he enjoys so we can enjoy them together? Do I take the time to learn about things that are important to him and that make him happy? When I have something on my mind that may cause conflict, how do I approach the conversation? Am I taking responsibility for myself and my thoughts and feelings, or am I pushing them onto him and trying to make him responsible? When I am in a bad mood do I treat him like a person that I genuinely love and respect or do I take my emotions out on him? When he is is in my home, do I provide for him and make him feel comfortable and like an honoured guest? Do I share in our expenses where I can? Do I surprise him? Do I initiate sex, do I initiate emotional intimacy, do I come up with ideas of things we can do on dates together? How much decision making am I willing to take on to maintain balance between us? When I express my needs, am I making demands or am I simply communicating so we have an understanding?

There are a lot of things I ask myself within the context of my relationship. This man is wonderful and what I consider to be perfect for me though fundamentally there are things that are VERY different about us. However I know that making him happy is a huge priority of mine, just as it is a priority of his to make him happy. So I put my best foot forward even in times when I am experiencing weakness because I want us to work together as a team even though we are each responsible for ourselves.

There is nothing egocentric about making sure that you are putting the best of yourself forward even when you are going through difficult periods. There is value in sharing your darker side but it can be done without being a drain on the person that you are with. It has nothing to do with how good I am on a superficial level and everything to do with me making sure that I am partnering my boyfriend well. In turn, he does this also and we work. There are people who I have been with in the past who did not reciprocate my level of care so naturally those relationships did not last though I do not regret them. They are learning experiences and I have moved on.

Anyway, I find it ridiculous to list off traits of what you expect in a partner if you are not willing to do the same for yourself. Inevitably if you want to be on the same wavelength of someone you have to make sure that you yourself are on the wavelength that you are setting expectations for. Otherwise you will consistently be disappointed in your mates because you are setting the bar high enough that you cannot even reach it.

I agree on almost every point, and the listing on my behalf aren't that serious. It's really more of a way to realize that making one is bad. Hum, how should I put it in words? I'm in a process of getting rid of the mental, diffuse list I have in my mind by making it concrete, so that I can see for myself how stupid it is. Does it make sense? I've never thought that it's a good idea for real. I have never had a real list in the first place, but some mental... mental... should I call it thoughts that needs to get rid of. It's hard to explain! I hope you understand.

I have not tried to give a comprehensive explanation of my thoughts on relationships. My posts in this thread are indeed focusing on myself and my preferences. That doesn't mean that that is all there is.

 

[Breathlessangel]

@Breathlessangel
I didn’t read every response so I apologize if my response is repetitive. I admire your resolve and desire to have certain standards but I’m of a different mindset.

“Did you hear about the rose that grew from a crack in the concrete? Proving nature's laws wrong, it learned to walk without having feet. Funny, it seems to by keeping it's dreams; it learned to breathe fresh air. Long live the rose that grew from concrete when no one else even cared.”

Love and relationships for me aren’t about finding that “perfect” person who has no flaws and no baggage. For me it’s about finding that person who has scars and its part of what makes them beautiful. They have gone through their ups and downs and come out from it the better. They know what they want, they have experienced the bad and aren’t afraid of it. They aren’t afraid of getting knocked down and living because they know who they are and they know they are going to get back up.

They know; without doubt, of the strength and beauty they possess, inside and out. Your post makes me doubt that you truly know how much you are worth because you haven’t experienced it being challenged and you seek the perfect love because you are afraid of what would happen if it didn’t go as planned. You are afraid of how you would handle it. That is not an insult, just an observation. Insecurity is something we all deal with. If it didn’t go as planned, it wouldn’t shatter your world, sending you down into a deep dark abyss never to return. It would only do that if you allowed it to, if you didn’t believe that you were and are capable of more.

That one mistake or failure does not determine your life. You as a person are not defined entirely by your relationships. Your worth and value as a person is not diminished because of one, two, three, etc… failed relationships. Humans are complex and we all have very different upbringings and rarely do we mesh without any form of conflict. Sometimes this conflict becomes too much. Other times as we grow and experience more things, what was the perfect fit in the beginning becomes not such a great fit and vice versa.

There is no better teacher than experience. So for me it’s not about finding someone who is perfect but someone who is beautiful because of their imperfections. That requires actually getting to know someone and you can hardly get to know someone and I mean really get to know them by a “vibe” alone. You have to see them at their best and their worst which means making an investment into them.

In the end, you make that investment and it may not pay off the way you hoped or dreamed but you learn. You grow and you get a few of your own scars from it and become even more beautiful as a result. We give ourselves and hope that the unique strengths we all have is something they will admire and we do the same in return. If they don’t then we learn and move on. Each time growing and evolving, learning more about ourselves and our own needs and the things we have to give to another person. I may be different but it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

Thank you for your beautiful words, everything you said speaks so much truth and are very helpful. Your observations are correct, I won't deny them.. that's why I started this thread to see things I know I failed to see or see things in different angles and perspective.

Most importantly to be open and learn and also be helpful to those who have the same struggles because I know I am not alone. Experience is a great teacher; this is actually the consistent key here. I can't change overnight but I am working on it. I have learned a lot so far from you guys and hopefully I can apply them. So, thank you.

 

[Breathlessangel]

I agree on almost every point, and the listing on my behalf aren't that serious. It's really more of a way to realize that making one is bad. Hum, how should I put it in words? I'm in a process of getting rid of the mental, diffuse list I have in my mind by making it concrete, so that I can see for myself how stupid it is. Does it make sense? I've never thought that it's a good idea for real. I have never had a real list in the first place, but some mental... mental... should I call it thoughts that needs to get rid of. It's hard to explain! I hope you understand.

I have not tried to give a comprehensive explanation of my thoughts on relationships. My posts in this thread are indeed focusing on myself and my preferences. That doesn't mean that that is all there is.

I am feeling the same way.
Sorry if this thread sounds egocentric and absurd; it wasn't my intention at all.
It was meant to help everyone who have the same struggles and to ask mainly for those who had the same issues in the past
and what they did to overcome them.
I have learned a lot and all it needs now is application..
So thank you so much for everyone's help.

 

[SarahBS]

Hello there

I just want my first to be my last.

My close friends are all telling me how picky and perfectionist I am in love

commitment phobic

I loved them for years and my moving on process as well took me years.

I feel left out sometimes or left behind like in one of my close group of friends.

I'm the only girl standing being an NBSB (No bf since birth)

I feel like maybe I'm abnormal, or just plain unlucky in love or have a personality disorder.

It's like how can you say you love me when you don't even really know me. So you love me because of my physical looks huh. AAnd that's enough for me to turn him down

WOW

I want someone to first know me or connect with me mentally and emotionally then that's it

I don't want to be an old maid or I don't want to die not feeling how it feels to love and be loved.

my culture is kinda traditional.

hey usually can't handle my mind I guess.. because I speak like they need to study or research first.

I love hard and hurt hard too

It felt like as if I wrote all those sentences myself! as if I was reading the text I typed but I just don't remember when I actually did it.
Well there's a lot to tell.

I'm also a NBSB ( if this is actually a term )
you know all the feelings so I just tell you one story which I wrote about and the thread is here if you wanna know more.

I had a good friend - 3 years younger than me and we became best buddies after 2 years of chatting 24/7.We saw each other in gatherings and everyone knew that we're best friends.I had feelings for him from day 1 and (I think cuz I really don't know what happened) he didn't cuz he talked about girls and went to a 1 year relationship and I had to forget him caught up in friend zone. so I kinda forget him and liked someone else

Then he broke up and we kept seeing each other more , in the same workplace.as we were still best friends I told him I had a crush on sb but didn't tell him who(since he knew that person).and he kept asking and digging so much that I truly realized that he really liked me and suddenly -I don't know how- I starting feeling for him again putting my crush on him again!!

But things got worse and I couldn't handle it anymore and I planned to stop that friendship cuz I was tired of being in friend zone.and the night I decided to do that he just asked me to be his girlfriend-he told me that he'd had feelings for me for a long long time but he could't say anything cuz he thought my crush was someone else.now things were sweet then but lots of worse things happened afterwards.He was an ISTP. Didn't really like to commit but he told me (if the truth of not) he wanted us to be the best for the future and he couldn't at that moment and he couldn't handle it.

The story went on and on and we broke up after he went back to that ex of his!


Don't actually know what happened .in the end, the day we broke up, he told me that he started the relationship cuz he didn't want to lose me as a friend and that he never had feelings for me .which I couldn't never understand if it was the truth cuz of lots of other stuff he did and said.


Well.he was my soulmate.we both knew we were.nobody could understand me better than him and that was the same for him cuz he tend to be more attached than I was.I was like a gem he could never have and from the moment he got the idea that he could he thought it was over I guess.

The good part is this : I wrote a list someday .a wish list and a list of things I was thankful for.He was the top of my list.Number one and 5 days after I wrote that list I was his girlfriend.Now before writing that list I had the vision of being with him forever like a married couple.and I sometimes have these kinda visions and they truly happens.so I thought we would be together in the future to matter what.but after he cheated on me I couldn't even think about it.Never knew that was that vision and what happened to the list but I erased his name everywhere his name was.

Now I truly believed he was my soulmate since I read this :

there are instant soulmates, there are temporary soulmates and permanent ones as well

I still can't believe the verse cuz it's too hard to be with someone like that again!I would kill for him and he would do the same for me!We understood what we wanted to say through looking at each other , but that verse can heal my wounded heart anyway...


P.S: sorry if there are lots of grammatical mistakes in my post.wanted to post this right now and have to go to work.But I know all the feelings you experience so you're not alone <3

 

[Breathlessangel]

WOW







It felt like as if I wrote all those sentences myself! as if I was reading the text I typed but I just don't remember when I actually did it.
Well there's a lot to tell.

I'm also a NBSB ( if this is actually a term )
you know all the feelings so I just tell you one story which I wrote about and the thread is here if you wanna know more.

I had a good friend - 3 years younger than me and we became best buddies after 2 years of chatting 24/7.We saw each other in gatherings and everyone knew that we're best friends.I had feelings for him from day 1 and (I think cuz I really don't know what happened) he didn't cuz he talked about girls and went to a 1 year relationship and I had to forget him caught up in friend zone. so I kinda forget him and liked someone else

Then he broke up and we kept seeing each other more , in the same workplace.as we were still best friends I told him I had a crush on sb but didn't tell him who(since he knew that person).and he kept asking and digging so much that I truly realized that he really liked me and suddenly -I don't know how- I starting feeling for him again putting my crush on him again!!

But things got worse and I couldn't handle it anymore and I planned to stop that friendship cuz I was tired of being in friend zone.and the night I decided to do that he just asked me to be his girlfriend-he told me that he'd had feelings for me for a long long time but he could't say anything cuz he thought my crush was someone else.now things were sweet then but lots of worse things happened afterwards.He was an ISTP. Didn't really like to commit but he told me (if the truth of not) he wanted us to be the best for the future and he couldn't at that moment and he couldn't handle it.

The story went on and on and we broke up after he went back to that ex of his!


Don't actually know what happened .in the end, the day we broke up, he told me that he started the relationship cuz he didn't want to lose me as a friend and that he never had feelings for me .which I couldn't never understand if it was the truth cuz of lots of other stuff he did and said.


Well.he was my soulmate.we both knew we were.nobody could understand me better than him and that was the same for him cuz he tend to be more attached than I was.I was like a gem he could never have and from the moment he got the idea that he could he thought it was over I guess.

The good part is this : I wrote a list someday .a wish list and a list of things I was thankful for.He was the top of my list.Number one and 5 days after I wrote that list I was his girlfriend.Now before writing that list I had the vision of being with him forever like a married couple.and I sometimes have these kinda visions and they truly happens.so I thought we would be together in the future to matter what.but after he cheated on me I couldn't even think about it.Never knew that was that vision and what happened to the list but I erased his name everywhere his name was.

Now I truly believed he was my soulmate since I read this :

I still can't believe the verse cuz it's too hard to be with someone like that again!I would kill for him and he would do the same for me!We understood what we wanted to say through looking at each other , but that verse can heal my wounded heart anyway...


P.S: sorry if there are lots of grammatical mistakes in my post.wanted to post this right now and have to go to work.But I know all the feelings you experience so you're not alone <3

Thank you so much and you even feel the same way.. (even quoted the exact lines lol.)
I know by reading a lot from this thread; it will be a guide for both of us.
Even if we have a fair share of heartaches too.. it happens for a purpose.
For us to learn, be stronger and still believe there are better things coming.
It is much more healthier to look at the brighter things than to have a miserable outlook esp. in love
But also in a way.. that we apply the "realistic approach" to things or with our thinking.
In effect it's like taking care of our heart which is a very delicate part of us.

Reading your shared experience above
Let me share this beautiful song with you..
I hope it will speak to you.. like it did to me.

PS. Soulmates do exists.. it's all just a matter of perspective!
A little glimmer of hope won't hurt.

[video=youtube;HyPZBNl1WOY]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyPZBNl1WOY[/video]

 

[jimtaylor]

Thank you for your beautiful words, everything you said speaks so much truth and are very helpful. Your observations are correct, I won't deny them.. that's why I started this thread to see things I know I failed to see or see things in different angles and perspective.

Most importantly to be open and learn and also be helpful to those who have the same struggles because I know I am not alone. Experience is a great teacher; this is actually the consistent key here. I can't change overnight but I am working on it. I have learned a lot so far from you guys and hopefully I can apply them. So, thank you.

And I think that is a good perspective to have. I am not critical, if anything, I am empathetic to what you are saying. Because I know I've made my fair share of mistakes and learned some hard lessons from them. I've been stuck in a similar mindset of trying to find the perfect relationship out of fear of failure while refusing to allow myself to indulge in the joys of life. It all adds up eventually. We cannot deny that at the end of the day we are human and perfection is not possible but that is not a bad thing, it is a great thing.

 

[idiot12345]

I'm in the same boat as you Breathless angel - I haven't had a boyfriend since birth.







I'm male by the way.

But seriously, until you're perfectly happy with your single self, you're never going to be happy in ANY relationship.

 

[Breathlessangel]

I'm in the same boat as you Breathless angel - I haven't had a boyfriend since birth.







I'm male by the way.

But seriously, until you're perfectly happy with your single self, you're never going to be happy in ANY relationship.

Haha, I am sincerely happy being single.. I mean.. all my life I've been single lol.
And I am content and happy with all the relationships I have now.
Maybe not that successful yet.. but hey.. I'm still in my early 20s.. lol.
I just get moments that I long for someone who I want to hold my hand.
But I guess.. you don't look for love.. coz it just finds you!
So I'm just letting things happen and continue being a happy single
Thank you so much.. you got a really good point!

 

[slant]

I'm 22 and I feel the same. Maybe you are not actually ready for a relationship. I wonder if societal pressure is getting to you. For me I've always felt pressured to date by friends and family. It's not that I don't want it, but that I haven't found what I'm looking for and I'd rather not settle for something I'm not into. I figure it will happen when it's meant to happen and I don't worry about it. I would advise the same. I wonder if you're just too fixated on expectations. Just try to let them go and let whatever happens happen. If you don't date someone until you're 32, big woop. If you never date someone, big woop. If you date someone next week, tomorrow, in the next hour, big woop. Just don't fixate on it and you'll be fine. Try not to let society's expectations weigh you down and just give yourself time to do things the way you do them. You're a rare personality type, difficult to understand, hard to open up. So realize that about yourself and don't compare yourself to your friends or family or television or movies. If something doesn't feel right, it isn't. And even if you ARE too picky....don't worry about it, because obviously you haven't resolved whatever it is in your life or psyche that is causing you to be too picky. I bet once you do, you'll just find yourself in a relationship. Or maybe you'll figure out you don't want a relationship ultimately. You will figure it out though, and things will work out. DO NOT force anything, DO NOT rush yourself. Take your time, and be yourself.

 

[MrSquared]

Hello Everyone!

Hello! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and insight. I'm also super particular about who I see.

"Your list of the common extent of accomplishments," said Darcy, "has too much truth. The word is applied to many a woman who deserves it no otherwise than by netting a purse or covering a screen. But I am very far from agreeing with you in your estimation of ladies in general. I cannot boast of knowing more than half a dozen, in the whole range of my acquaintance, that are really accomplished. A woman must have a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing, and the modern languages, to deserve the word; and besides all this, she must possess a certain something in her air and manner of walking, the tone of her voice, her address and expressions, or the word will be but half deserved. To all this she must yet add something more substantial, in the improvement of her mind by extensive reading."

So yea...


Hi!

 

[Breathlessangel]

I'm 22 and I feel the same. Maybe you are not actually ready for a relationship. I wonder if societal pressure is getting to you. For me I've always felt pressured to date by friends and family. It's not that I don't want it, but that I haven't found what I'm looking for and I'd rather not settle for something I'm not into. I figure it will happen when it's meant to happen and I don't worry about it. I would advise the same. I wonder if you're just too fixated on expectations. Just try to let them go and let whatever happens happen. If you don't date someone until you're 32, big woop. If you never date someone, big woop. If you date someone next week, tomorrow, in the next hour, big woop. Just don't fixate on it and you'll be fine. Try not to let society's expectations weigh you down and just give yourself time to do things the way you do them. You're a rare personality type, difficult to understand, hard to open up. So realize that about yourself and don't compare yourself to your friends or family or television or movies. If something doesn't feel right, it isn't. And even if you ARE too picky....don't worry about it, because obviously you haven't resolved whatever it is in your life or psyche that is causing you to be too picky. I bet once you do, you'll just find yourself in a relationship. Or maybe you'll figure out you don't want a relationship ultimately. You will figure it out though, and things will work out. DO NOT force anything, DO NOT rush yourself. Take your time, and be yourself.

Yes, I think society has something to do with it and esp. my family and friends. They even called me a few times as an "old maiden" (Gahd, I am only 23 lol) and even fear for me that I won't be marrying at all and I will be old and lonely.. lol. (Coz I was very picky) I have managed to survive peer pressure during school coz well.. it was kind of easy back then. When it comes to being ready.. I am actually! It's just that.. its hard to really find that one right person yet who can give you those funny sort of feelings. Someone that can make me jump right in.. (or maybe slowly).

I totally agree with everything you said. When I made this thread I was at the peak of my "moments of longing" lol. I just recently moved on from a heartbreak.. and right now, I am enjoying the moments that I'm not in love with anyone and wishing that this period will be a lot longer lol. If love will come to me.. I will receive it. If not, I will continue growing as an individual (guiltily, I have a lot to grow and will never stop growing-that's life).. the right person comes to my life to complement it; not to complete me. (We will take our time finding each other lol.) Thank you so much for understanding and for seeing all those things - definitely we are on the same boat.. for you truly understand the depth of my situation. Your post is very encouraging and gives me so much relief that I am doing okay and even taking the right track.. And whatever I choose will be good to me.. as long as I know in my heart what I deserve and what really makes me happy at the end of the day. Thank you so much! Truly appreciate your post..

 

[Breathlessangel]

Hello! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and insight. I'm also super particular about who I see.


So yea...


Hi!

Hello..

Can't believe you just quoted Jane Austen.. I love her and she's one of my favorites..
I've always wanted to become a "well-accomplished woman" too.. lol,
(hard though to really achieve that so I'll stick to just being true to myself.. lol.)
And true.. there is nothing wrong with being picky.. like a mind screening or something.
But I will leave you this quote as well.. (just wanted to share lol)
Thank you so much for your post!

"We choose those we like, with those we love, we have no say in the matter."
-Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

(So that makes it even more difficult or a lot easier! Hmm..)