Thoughts From A Tired Soul

Sandie, falling is no joke. I hope you're feeling a bit better after that hard tumble.
Call your doctor and ask about getting a physical therapist to come see you once a week for a few weeks (insurance may cover if you've been having a lot of falls), give you some tips on how to regain that strength and balance.
 
Sandie, falling is no joke. I hope you're feeling a bit better after that hard tumble.
Call your doctor and ask about getting a physical therapist to come see you once a week for a few weeks (insurance may cover if you've been having a lot of falls), give you some tips on how to regain that strength and balance.
Thank you for your kindness @MoonFlier :)

I'm feeling a bit like I do with a hangover this morning...no specific hurt, everything hurts, lol.

I phoned the doc yesterday afternoon and spoke with her nurse. Nurse Foug suggested I put one of my carpetunnel splints on my wrist for a couple days and if it is still bothersome the perhaps get it an x-ray. My knees are sporting a nice rainbow of bruising. The one I scraped is doing good. I ran out of peroxide so I poured a bit of rubbing alcohol on it and for this alto-suprano I hit a few high notes with that! :tearsofjoy: All-in-all I'm good.

Nurse Doug was worried about my jarring my ribs as Friday's x-rays showed I have three with hairline fractures from my fall on the ice last month. I sm to monitor my breathing and if it hurts to breathe deeply he suggests I get a repeat xray.

The MRI and PET results were in the computer and he shared those with me.
I passed the PET scan with a note that I know have two granuloma tumors in my lung. They want a repeat scan in twelve months.

I flunked the MRI. I have three bulged discs ascending from my tailbone up my spine. Thankfully they are not blown or leaking. However, it shows spinal stenosis and osteoarthritis. Seems the nerve facets are inflamed and causing narrowing of the spaces where the nerves pass through the pelvis and down my legs causing a bilateral issue. He used a bag full of med terminology and I forget much of it because my brain was repeating "Well shit Sandie you're such a clutz." That's only one point though.

In light of degenerative disc disease in both father and sister it's not a stretch to blame heredity as a piece to the puzzle.

My lifting the heavy snowblower on the deck numerous times and all the other strenuous house work has contributed. Nurse Doug said he doesn't know any woman that can pick up near 400# dead weight. I chuckled telling him that these things still need to be done around home. :tearsofjoy:

He hung up telling me he was going to confir with the doc and call me back. In the meantime, his guess is the drop foot is coming from the discs and narrowing pressing on the nerves and my toes catching is what has been tripping me up. He mentioned that he was going to suggest to the doc to test for ALS, MS, and stroke just to rule them out as the cause. He's concerned because of my losing 43#'s since Jan 2021, with 30+ coming off since August and the hospital stay in September, and my falling more than a dozen times in the past few weeks since my tumble on the ice that there is an underlying issue they are missing. The docs had been leaning on my diabetes as the root cause yet he thinks no.

I do know that I can't keep taking these tumbles. I've agreed to use a 4-prong cane for balance that the doc suggested at my visit last month, Nurse Doug said a wheeled walker with a seat and brakes would be best ... I burst out laughing. Thought to myself you've got to be kidding me.

My end agreement with the nurse was while they are figuring out what to do next I'll walk with the cane, wear my foot and wrist splint, and rest as much as allowable. For me, keeping moving is less painful and a grand way of preventing my stiffening up. I have many things that need attending to.

On of the major things on my mind in the past six months has been whether or not I'm going to be able to care for this big house on my own in the future. I can't run myself into an early grave trying to assist dad and his end of life journey. I struggle daily with knowing that I've put all of my living on hold ... the mindset of I'm going to do this or that when my caregiving job is through has caused deep divergences in my path. In September I came home with a chip on both shoulders and a we're doing this my way attitude. That was short lived. With no adherency from those around me to stick to my well organized plans it's difficult to get things done.

I was so angry at circumstances yesterday I sat down and told my dad and sister I'm not budging. That was short lived too.

Caring for a loved one with dementia is tough work all around. Patience is hard won too. Even after seeing my wounds Dad still forgot I'd fallen and needed to rest a few hours. He's in the shadowing phase of his illness. If I get out of his sight for more than a few minutes he gets paranoid and starts searching for me. When I leave the house before he gets up he will ask my sister where is the Boss Lady. :tearsofjoy: That's humorous yes, however, I get little done with his hovering and telling me how/what I should be doing. I detest that from anyone. I've lived under him doing that for a lifetime though.

I question often if that's how I evolved into an INFJ make up...that through my families continued efforts to groom me to their experiences so they could understand me I rebelled on the inside, yet, learned to not ripple the waters with them.

A talking point with my therapist has been analyzing which chains are theirs and which are self-imposed. Since recognizing the chains exist and my attempts to brake those chains my relationships with family and others has changed dynamically.

I'm rambling again ... but it's in my ramblings that my ah ha moments pay in gold, lol, ;)



 
My lifting the heavy snowblower on the deck numerous times and all the other strenuous house work has contributed. Nurse Doug said he doesn't know any woman that can pick up near 400# dead weight. I chuckled telling him that these things still need to be done around home. :tearsofjoy:

Sounds like my mother. :)

He's concerned because of my losing 43#'s since Jan 2021, with 30+ coming off since August and the hospital stay in September, and my falling more than a dozen times in the past few weeks since my tumble on the ice that there is an underlying issue they are missing.

In May 2021 I told my endocrinologist that I was going to lose some weight, and she wished me well in trying to do so. I joked there is no try, only do.

Well, I lost 36 pounds in the next 3 months, and that sure freaked her out. She told me that in her clinical experience she had never seen someone lose that much weight, that quickly, willfully. What she didn’t say was that she strongly suspected I had cancer.

So a lot of blood work was done. It strongly suggested that I did not have cancer, and proved I had been in a state of ketosis for 3 months, just as I had intended. They must do their due diligence I suppose.

I'm rambling again ... but it's in my ramblings that my ah ha moments pay in gold, lol, ;)

And we get rewarded with quality posts.

Much Thanks,
Ian
 
And we get rewarded with quality posts.

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It's rough getting older for sure as our body finds interesting ways to break and not only don't we know what's going on, neither do the physicians.

Glad you have one who's looking out for you, but watch when they joke and laugh saying things like they don't know any woman who can lift a 400# snowblower, it shows that they're stuck on the clinical verses practical side (leverage). The wheeled/seated walker suggestion is great for those in that sort of need, which you don't seem to be at all. They're not based in reality of a 50ish woman's life but are preferring to toss easy options at the problem and call it a day.

I have a doc like that and find I'm constantly having to research and diagnose my own issues then convince him to run tests to prove I'm right.

I still feel having a physical therapist visit you (or you can go to them) is the best option for helping you to rebuild the tissues you need to function safely. It's more of a natural approach to life too, which I believe in more and more these days. Please advocate for yourself!

Stay well. Stop falling stop getting hurt! (Easier said than done for sure.) :<3:
 
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I still feel having a physical therapist visit
I spoke with Dad's pt today. He said he'd make payment arrangements if insurance didn't cover much. I had left Dad with my little sister and she snitched to Dad's therapist about my fall yesterday morning. lol, the bratt.

Stay well. Stop falling stop getting hurt! (Easier said than done for sure.) :3:
I appreciate your input ... I don't want to rely on a rolater for long.

I meandered around today with the cane and that worked well. The grocery cart worked well in the store. So I'm with you about a more holistic approach rather than prematurely getting saddled with the rolling seat ;)
 
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It was a random fluke, but my rolater when I was in rehab was super fancy and not like any other. It had real whole-grain natural-color leather on the seat, actual padding for the seat, soft ergonomic gel grips from Japan, ample storage space under the seat, a drink holder, smooth and silent high-end wheels, and it had insane sparkle because it had been painted an authentic two-step-process candy apple red! :p

It was absolutely plush. I have no idea why. It was like having the Rolls Royce of rolaters. It must have been a custom someone created for family or friend, and was then later donated.

I saddle soaped and mink oiled (both Fiebing’s), then balm-wax-milk-polished (Saphir) the seat while I was in possession of it. :)

Other residents were trying to get it once they knew I was going to be released (a big deal, not many made it out). I ended up giving it to a fellow resident, a Nepalese man named Gurrehmat. I quite liked him because of his gentle nature, his want to find reason to smile, and his willingness to talk about deep things in a deep way.

Cheers,
Ian
 
It was a random fluke, but my rolater when I was in rehab was super fancy and not like any other. It had real whole-grain natural-color leather on the seat, actual padding for the seat, soft ergonomic gel grips from Japan, ample storage space under the seat, a drink holder, smooth and silent high-end wheels, and it had insane sparkle because it had been painted an authentic two-step-process candy apple red! :p

It was absolutely plush. I have no idea why. It was like having the Rolls Royce of rolaters. It must have been a custom someone created for family or friend, and was then later donated.

I saddle soaped and mink oiled (both Fiebing’s), then balm-wax-milk-polished (Saphir) the seat while I was in possession of it. :)

Other residents were trying to get it once they knew I was going to be released (a big deal, not many made it out). I ended up giving it to a fellow resident, a Nepalese man named Gurrehmat. I quite liked him because of his gentle nature, his want to find reason to smile, and his willingness to talk about deep things in a deep way.

Cheers,
Ian
That's sweet you gave it to who you thought deserving of it ... my sister and I were talking about how we could trick out the one the med supply is giving me. I'd want it in blue, the bright blue like my Jeep
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I fell in love with this bright blue ;)
I am stunned ... I want to get back to a healthier and stronger physicality. And, working on accepting it if I can not.
 
That's sweet you gave it to who you thought deserving of it ... my sister and I were talking about how we could trick out the one the med supply is giving me. I'd want it in blue, the bright blue like my Jeep
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I fell in love with this bright blue ;)
I am stunned ... I want to get back to a healthier and stronger physicality. And, working on accepting it if I can not.
I knew I loved you for more reasons than just your lovely personality and humor... you're a jeep owner!
(I don't currently have one, but miss my 2004 JGC. I got the kids... he got the car. LOL)
 
I knew I loved you for more reasons than just your lovely personality and humor... you're a jeep owner!
(I don't currently have one, but miss my 2004 JGC. I got the kids... he got the car. LOL)
lol, With the price of gas going up you have the better deal, ;)

I had a 2010 Grand Cherokee, loved it!
One winter I hit a patch of black ice at about 49 mph. That jeep did three twirls in the road before whispering to a stop about 2 inches from a 4 foot packed in snow bank and I never touched the brake. It weighed in at 2800 pounds road like a darn tank, lol.

I'm liking the 4-speed dial up four wheel drive in this Compass Latitude ... there is a setting for sand!

Told Dad it's on the bucket list to run it down a beach abd see if it tracks in the sand as good as it does snow.

For an emergency purchase it's proven itself. ;) I looked at a Cherokee too, but the gas mileage of the Latitude was the better choice. Gas is up to $5.19 a gallon here...when I first started driving it was 89.9 cents a gallon. :tearsofjoy:
 
I too, think about birds and cry at their freedom. I think about them before bed, in hopes I could at least fly in my dream. But then I don't. And then I wake and must start my day, a lowly vessel just trying to make the best out of a dismal life.
 
I too, think about birds and cry at their freedom. I think about them before bed, in hopes I could at least fly in my dream. But then I don't. And then I wake and must start my day, a lowly vessel just trying to make the best out of a dismal life.
Oh my, reading your pain squeezed at my heart ... I felt it because I've traveled through experiences that left me feeling as though I did not matter in the larger workings of life. I felt 'small'...insignificant and developed an attitude of why do I bother ... then someone turned the light on for me and it shined into all my dark spaces. ;)

Much of our lives we spend trying to find our purpose...often we conclude our attitude toward life delivers us to that purpose, for better or for worse...and that decision is ours alone.

If you would like to share why you feel you have a dismal life we are here to listen. The Forum is a vessel filled with others struggling to find answers as well as those who have experiences to share in with the purpose of supporting us as we search.

Some time just having a safe haven to express our thoughts helps to change our outlook and brighten our future. :)

My wish for you is that you find that support that helps you most. ☆
 
I can see how today is going to go, :P

Working on Dad's birthday dinner for tomorrow...the garlic knots are a tad larger than they should be...more like hamburger roll larger, :tearsofjoy:
I should have called the Keebler elves because my helper elf said she loves garlic knots lol
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:tearsofjoy: almost verbatim what my lil sister says hehe She was the helper elf

I'm adding lasagna, salad, and birthday cake ... come on over we eat at 4 tomorrow ;)

Where there is garlic bread, you can be sure I will be there
 
What a beautiful day. Not only did Dad have a wonderful and happy few hours with friends and family, but I did too.

The visitors were hands on help with dinner and clean up. I was able to enjoy a relaxing time.

I'm peopled out though. :)

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25-minutes from home ... Took Dad and my younger sister to the upper falls today.

I hadn't been there in years, maybe 15 or more.

When Dad asked if we could go see the upper falls while I slowed down on the bridge so he could see the lower falls I didn't hesitate!

Awe struck at the changes nature has made, as well as the visitors center the state put in, it brought tears to my eyes in the 28° windy day ... nature is a marvelous wonder ... it made me cry a few minutes watching Dad smile and look so happy while he looked at the semi-frozen falls. I had to walk away from he and my sister when he called me by my mother's name followed by remember when we used to bring the girls here when they were younger ... it could have shattered my heart, yet, instead my heart swelled with love and as I burst into tears as I walked away, my younger sister yelled where ya going and was I okay ... I shouted back yeah.

When we all loaded back in the car, Dad asked if I was okay and why was I crying. I smiled and told him a leaf or something blew in my eye and made them water. We all laughed when he said liar-liar. :hearteyes::tearsofjoy::hearteyecat:

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I blacked out Dad and my sister in the selfie.
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The walk down in. We didn't, perhaps in warmer and less icey weather lol.
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It is simply spectacular! Hard to believe a little creek can make such a splash! ♡
 
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