Thoughts From A Tired Soul

I had to walk away from he and my sister when he called me by my mother's name followed by remember when we used to bring the girls here when they were younger ... it could have shattered my heart, yet, instead my heart swelled with love and as I burst into tears as I walked away, my younger sister yelled where ya going and was I okay ... I shouted back yeah.

When we all loaded back in the car, Dad asked if I was okay and why was I crying. I smiled and told him a leaf or something blew in my eye and made them water. We all laughed when he said liar-liar. :hearteyes::tearsofjoy::hearteyecat:

My heart just melted and poured out on the floor. ❤️

Simple Joy,
Ian
 
My heart just melted and poured out on the floor. ❤️

Simple Joy,
Ian
:hug:
The detour was worth every second Ian ... my heart has been mush all afternoon.

I had forgotten to find joy in all the things Dad can still do because I'd been drowning in governoring and managing all things that have slipped away from him.
 
oh boi oh boi :flushed: :smirk: new theories, or should I say theories new to me, gets me excited!

I've been researching Norman's (2003), and Hutchins' (1996) similar theories pertaining to the designing of COGNITIVE ARTIFACTS and how they provide support to our Executive Functions and the relationship EF's have with Working memory and eventually Long Term Memory.

The implications are astounding ... I didn't know that in my creating things like to-do-lists, shopping lists, maps, calendars, and as Norman says "a string tied to your finger as a reminder" were my designing cognitive artifacts to use as tools to record items from working memory into a plan to address daily tasks.

The rub lies in actually remembering what the artifacts are for, e.g. a detailed shopping list is of little value if you walk out and leave it lying on the kitchen table, as much as tying a string around my finger with forgetting what it symbolized to remember. :tearsofjoy:

To clarify, an 'artifact' is an object such as a tool or piece of jewelry that was made by a human being. In context a cognitive artifact is defined as "an artificial device designed to maintain, display, or operate on information in order to serve as a representational function." (Norman, 1991)

That is, a man-made object with the purpose to enhance or facilitate the PERCEPTION of cognition of the human mind. For example, Time Perception is not the same type of perception as our perception of vision or sound. Time Perception is dependent on emotion, attention, and event markers. [relative to PTSD and time perception later ,)]

Deeper issues can arise in the spatial storage and spatial central executive function rather than the phonological storage and central executive function ... could this be in our primary Ni function for an INFJ stack?

In everyday life a poor working memory, (data holding tank basically), affect how individuals with high functioning Ni are capable of dealing with complex tasks such as planning their goals, but that temporal planning has been shown to be associated with and also engage other cognitive abilities including a deeper understanding of Time, and Time/Space Perception? (Schubotz, Friederici, & von Cramon, 2000)

So then how does time perception coexist with Planning if planning is considered a separate executive function in most agreed upon theories?

Planning is the "Looking Ahead" function. (Again, in relation to Ni, is predictability for an INFJ stack tied into this function as well?) For my purpose to stay in the link between temporal injury or underdeveloped executive functioning, aka temporal brain issues and EF's, do they or not have underlying issues with inhibition and resolving goal/subgoal conflict and this reduces their ability to plan? Which brings up the concept of whether the person fears designing the plan or fears that the plan will fail and what is the logic in building a failed plan?

I've been saying for years and years that individuals do not plan to fail it is that they fail to plan. :wink:

Cognitive Function Supports
attention
calculation
emotion
experience of self
perception of self (where we see ourselves in the phonological scheme of perceived reality)
Working memory
recording
long term memory
(Gillesphe, Best & O'Neil, 2011)
planning ability
time perception and management

In my rudimentary conclusion, with need for more facts, Cognitive Artifacts do not simply amplify cognition and thus increase Executive Function, instead it changes the nature of the task performed by the person. Cognitive artifacts is a process of organizing functional skills, (Ni-Fe ;)) into functional systems instead of single set skills.

The object itself is not the center point of the cognitive artifact, and neither is the goal. Rather it is the process that produces cognitive effect, (not to be confused with cognitive affect which are feelings regardingthe task), and these cognitive effects are the focus. Cognitive artifacts can also facilitate higher cognition.

For example, mapping facilitates how a maze of data is built through the organizing of information that otherwise would not have been perceived and perhaps lost in the hallways of working memory. Graphs and Tables are examples where perception of a complex data set has been organized and presented in a readable way by a group to agree upon whereas if presented in an individual way it may facilitate the group to interpret the data in several different perceptual ways.

Creating successful cognitive artifacts is not easily done ... problems will still arise even with the simplest tasks...that shopping list you worked so hard to detail is of little value on the kitchen table as you search every pocket for it while standing in the market, here's where working memory may fail while your list items are wandering its halls:tearsofjoy:

For now, understanding that the more complex the task is that the artifact is suppose to perform, the higher the demands are on the person designing it. I.e. Apps for our phone are considered cognitive artifacts. :D
 
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Cognitive artifacts can also facilitate higher cognition.
As I read this it struck me that this can be used in manipulative ways too. In an advert for example, or by leading people to select one thing rather than another. By omission as well as inclusion - a well crafted and content-rich cognitive artefact can deliberately leave out important stuff in a way that isn’t noticed.

I had to laugh when you mentioned the need for well-crafted artefacts. I often jot reminders down on post it notes - but I rarely throw them away just in case I need them again. I end up with a stack of them and of course who knows where the one I need is buried in there with it’s vital appointment address, or whatever! Then I have a big clear out, only to chuck out vital telephone numbers etc. My iPhone is full of the electronic equivalent :D
 
As I read this it struck me that this can be used in manipulative ways too. In an advert for example, or by leading people to select one thing rather than another. By omission as well as inclusion - a well crafted and content-rich cognitive artefact can deliberately leave out important stuff in a way that isn’t noticed.
Strong point John.
I agree that the sales and advertising folk have a monopoly on the manipulation concept. Corporations pay individuals large sums to find a direct line into an unsuspecting psyche. I've noticed it's generally building a chain of things that they can then convince us that if we don't buy the missing link the whole plan will fall apart. lol.

The knack of pointing in one direction for us to look there and when we are skeptical we look around elsewhere for cooperating facts and the designer keeps saying no no don't look there keep your attention on where I'm pointing. ;) lol.
Americans especially are susceptible to the cons of advertising, and other manipulative tricks of the trades.

I had to laugh when you mentioned the need for well-crafted artefacts. I often jot reminders down on post it notes - but I rarely throw them away just in case I need them again. I end up with a stack of them and of course who knows where the one I need is buried in there with it’s vital appointment address, or whatever! Then I have a big clear out, only to chuck out vital telephone numbers etc. My iPhone is full of the electronic equivalent :D
:tearsofjoy: we are similar!
I used to be queen of post-its of all shapes and sizes :P
After losing too much of my notes because the sticky stuff would dry out and it would be lost, or I'd have a purge like you say you do and end up tossing information needed at a later date, I started using clear tape and taping the days post-it notes right in my planner calendar at days end while setting plans for the next day ... then when I think I need a number, figure, date I ask myself about what time/month did that happen and I go back through my planner and there it is. :D

One day archeologists will dig up a planner or two and be amazed by my crazy thought patterns and cognitive artifacts :tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy:
 
I came in here this morning to set down a few things.

While in the neurologist appointment with Dad my mean sister called, and of course my phone interrupted the visit while I declined the call to voice mail. In hindsight, I'm glad I did.

Hours later I called her back. I dread conversations with her because she is histrionic and the drama dump is exhausting.

What a change. She's in shock I think.

We know how when we ignore a physicians advice and continue on with less than appropriate habits which makes a simple problem much larger !?! Well this seems to be my sister's current predicament.

Then again, maybe I'm the one in shock. :unhappy:

Well I called my sister and to give a bit more detail of the situation she fell at the end of last month and broke her hip while at the hospital. Her surgery was successful, and on the day before my neice and I had planned to spend the day together she demanded to go home. This was five days before the docs had planned to release her.

On purpose she thwarted our plans.

At the time she was released she had a pressure sore about the size of a quarter. Here we are this morning in a telephone tag of preop doings. The sore has engulfed her heel, caused an infection in the bone and the docs are amputating her foot and about ten inches of her shin.

She told me yesterday and after speaking to her this morning, she is still in shock. My neice is an emotional mess. She, my neice, knows that when her mom wakes up without her foot she, my sister, will toss a childish hissy fit and rip at the bandages.

What a conundrum.

My trying to convince my sister to please follow the docs instructions this time. Though we don't always see eye to eye nor get along, I do love her and would not wish this on her after all the horrible events in her life...regardless if she's orchestrated them or not. </3

I'm concerned for my neice as she is slated for bladder surgery next week. Trying to convey that I can offer support for them from here. My hands are full taking care of Dad, and my current heath concerns. I cannot be there and here too. :cry:
 
@Sandie33

You’re poor sister. How awful that she has to lose her foot, and it’s even worse that she probably wouldn’t have if she stuck with the medical advice. People can be their own worst enemies. You must be very worried and quite conflicted about her, given what she’s like.
 
Oh Sandie, I think I'm in shock reading all that your dealing with.
I envision you as being like the wind. You're soft and gentle, but when you need to, you can move a mountain through perseverance.

I also have a useless sister who turns everything around to being about herself. She'll never see it that way though. We can expect zero help from them, and when we expect it they'll go out of their way to create drama or physically run away.

I have mixed feelings about your sister loosing her foot. Shock is one for sure, if I'm feeling it through this monitor and I don't even know her then I'm positive you are in shock too.

I'm mad too. How could she do that to herself? Not as mad as when my aunt knowingly chose death over seeing a doctor at all for her cancer, but still mad. Family members have a responsibility to each other and we cannot fulfill that without our health. What your sister did was arrogant and selfish. She now has to deal with the repercussions, and the family in turn has to help her even more while she now has a reasonable excuse not to reciprocate.

AGH. Families. Love 'em. Need 'em. Hate 'em. It's all the same thing.
 
@Sandie33

You’re poor sister. How awful that she has to lose her foot, and it’s even worse that she probably wouldn’t have if she stuck with the medical advice. People can be their own worst enemies. You must be very worried and quite conflicted about her, given what she’s like.
Exactly. Just had phone conversation with my neice. My sister did well during the surgery. Monday the surgeon will put a return stent in the stump, and Wednesday they plan to sew her up...they've put a removable cap on temporarily as they won't know if more bone has to come off until all the labs are in. At least my neice, an INFJ too ;) is in a mentally balanced state to proceed from. Going to be a busy couple days for me answering her calls ... best I can do to hold her hand and support her while she assists my sister. ;)
 
you are in shock too.
I am, yet almost feel I saw something like this coming.

I'm mad too. How could she do that to herself? Not as mad as when my aunt knowingly chose death over seeing a doctor at all for her cancer, but still mad. Family members have a responsibility to each other and we cannot fulfill that without our health. What your sister did was arrogant and selfish. She now has to deal with the repercussions, and the family in turn has to help her even more while she now has a reasonable excuse not to reciprocate.

AGH. Families. Love 'em. Need 'em. Hate 'em. It's all the same thing.
Gut response...in a nutshell she can't have Dad getting all the attention. :unhappy:

I may or may not have mentioned in previous posts, but the week she was in the hospital for fluid around her heart and lungs, it was on the day she was released to go home that a nurse signed an affidavit as witnessing my sister throw herself against the wall and fall on the floor and thus breaking her hip. She was specifically told not to get out of bed without assistance.
The staff held her on a 51/50 involuntary 48-hour psyche hold...of which she squirmed out of by signing herself out of the hospital early.

She's crafty and sly when it comes to her filling that need for center of attention and not her first rodeo at self-harm to get it.

I envision you as being like the wind. You're soft and gentle, but when you need to, you can move a mountain through perseverance.
:hearteyes: Thank you for that image ... but I'm getting tired boss, ♡

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grateful for friends like you that are light in the storms ;)
 
:sob::sob::sob::sob::sob:
Oh my goodness, Iris has me bawling.
Love really is all that there is. ❤


With all I experience with Dad and his dementia there is a vast difference when it is a spousal relationship. :cry: I can't imagine that deep sense of loss. ♡
 
I'm saddened to see my neice go today. With her mom in the hospital she and her dog made a surprise visit here to see me and her grandpa. :D

She came to tell me that the surgeon had to take more off her mom's leg yesterday. What was supposed to be a foot and 5 inch amputation is now an amputation just below her knee and waiting. It seems the infection is creeping up the bone and she's in cardiac ICU because she got a huge dose of reality. If it keeps going they will be removing the leg past the hip and it's the hip she broke about a month ago.

I've lost track of the timing of her things while keeping track of my things.

I'm unapologetic. I can't help someone who won't help herself. At least she can't dodge the bereavement counselor now! :P

I'm excited and nervous because it's only one more day until I go on a 3 night respite...I'll be on my own until Monday.

No clues as to what I should do first!

The plan is to go check in, then Google a nice sit-down restaurant and sit quietly and have dinner with Me.

The Book Store is about 20 minutes from my hotel, they are on my list for Sunday morning. A new book and coffee with a muffin in their coffee nook will be like mana to a starving mind :tearsofjoy:

I thought Saturday night I may take in a double feature at the movies. Not sure yet what is playing but I really won't care.

My luck, the bed will be so comfy that I'll end up binge watching cable while sleeping all weekend. :tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy:
 
Have a really good break Sandie - you more than deserve it. It sounds like your sister is in good hands and there won't be anything more you can do there apart from giving your niece some words of support.
 
Have a really good break Sandie - you more than deserve it. It sounds like your sister is in good hands and there won't be anything more you can do there apart from giving your niece some words of support.
Thank you John ;) I'm looking forward to getting some well needed rest.

Yes, I love my neice as though she were my own child and support right now is all I can give her. Her mother has issues and perhaps this will give her motivation to take better care of herself...or we can get on with it should fate draw her hand. ♡
 
I think mother nature is conspiring against me, lol. We are under flood advisory until Saturday morning. I'll need to cross four bridges on a creek and two rivers to get to my hotel tomorrow. hehe he. Nope, I'll go around the other way and though it adds about thirty miles I will not waiver ... I'm waiting for Dad's sitter to call me and say she's not coming ... I'll tell her nope, go around, I'll wait :p

Dastardly morning, or should I say afternoon today. Dad has had his first poop attack. What a damned mess, :tearsofjoy: if it hadn't brought him to tears I probably would have laughed loudly. Instead, like a toddler going through potty training we made it through why poop goes in the toliet and not down the bathroom sink nor shower drain. And my consoling him that accidents happen and he really should ask for help if there is a next time :wink: Let's just say the washer machine is working overtime and now the rug has fouled the shampooer brush because there was no way to vacuum first. I'll need to buy bleach while out this weekend, because it took the half gallon to disinfect the shower, sink, and pot...lol, house smells like a bad sented oil candle thingy ... ala poopy-bleach-pet extra strength shampoo-funk away spray :tearsofjoy: Maybe I'm stoned ... can one catch a sent buzz from cleaning products?

or, perhaps I've gone batty? if so, temporary I'm hoping. :p Anyhoo, welcome to a day-in-the-life of Sandie. That's not the kicker, poor pun spoiler...during all the poop mess the shit show of a big sister calls in with a whiny pitch about how she's gonna die, and how is she going to help with Dad with no leg, and she's bedridden now...

Well hell, don't know, I may be stressed, I may be fed up, but after I said "get it done stumpy", she called me a fukkin cunt and started screaming at me about how cruel I am, blah, blah, click. I wish cell phones made the same clamor as my hard plastic receiver did in my youth. It would have been more dramatic and much more satisfying.

Perhaps the exchange is why I'm laughing about Dad's accident. Who the hell knows ... all I care about bothering me is it's 21:36 hours and counting before lift off. :D
 
...perhaps I've gone batty? if so...

...then you are the very best kind of batty.
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I think it’s a way to get through things to laugh at infirmity. I thought “get it done stumpy” was funny, and loving, but perhaps it’s just too soon. Regardless, you’re absolutely not what you were called. What (lack of) manners!

I’ve got little patience for people who aren’t compliant patients, who then want to pitch a fit when they must sit down to their plate of consequences. And boy oh boy, have I seen some things resulting from noncompliance. Very sad things. A number of them foot and leg things.

Just last night, I told my roommate he needed to get something checked out, and I was kind, but I was not polite. I pulled no punches.

Poop attack—ugh. No comment except the fact you’re a real ace in a shitty situation. :P

I hope you thoroughly enjoy your time away and bit of respite—and if you are able, think of no one but yourself during that time.
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Best to You,
Ian
 
Poop attack—ugh. No comment except the fact you’re a real ace in a shitty situation.
:tearsofjoy:
Yeah, I'm hoping they aren't going to be a common thing.

The dig at my sister was a knee jerkey reaction. She's the type that can say anything without recourse, but I'm drawn and quartered for any leap of humor to lighten a situation. hmph, I'll try better in future conversations with her because a retort meeted is bad manners on my part too.

My gut tells me I'm going to get that call off, yet I am getting excited at the idea that I'll be all over self love for me if she does come :smirk::blush: ;)
 
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