Thoughts From A Tired Soul
- Thread starter Sandie33
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Enough funning around. Just had a conversation with the CB-ICU station nurse that sits bedside with my sister.
I had to wire money from my account directly to my niece's account today so the poor girl can get to and from from work, hospital, drive-thru/grocery stock up, visit to her mother's bedside. She's overdrawn from trying to pay all the bills while the senior center has my sister's money on hold because of a paperwork mistake.
Seems the liasion at the nursing home filled out permanent residency papers when it was supposed to be rehabilitation papers and now the account is frozen until it's sorted out.
My neice was so excited on the hour and forty some minute drive because her mother finally passed the stand alone breathing test to have incubation removed. She is alert and breathing on her own and can talk, erhem, scream and verbally lash out at all around her. The nurse was horrified when my sister started bashing my neice in the head with the clip on fan my sister was using.
W T F
My poor neice leaned in to kiss her mom on the forehead and bam. The sis loses her shit starts thrashing and throwing things...grabs the fan and wham. The nurse rang the call so my sister bit her, the nurse, and now there is an ever larger issue of assault.
Geeish. The staff walked my neice out, sat her down, checked her all over to he sure she was OK and told her it's best to just go back home and they would call.
When my neice called me with all thus I was livid. WTF is my sister doing? After speaking with her nurse I was told that the doc ordered my sister sedated again, a series of psyche evaluations are scheduled for the morning and we'll go from there.
I convinced my neice to rest...tough stuff for her right now because she's blaming herself, asking me what she's doing wrong in caring for her mom.
We, and I mean docs and nurses too, all feel that my sister's brain has finally given out. Instead of being able to rationalize her situation she's turned rabid. I explained to the nurse that much of this anger is steming from the sister being in a vulnerable and physically weakened state so she's lashing out from not having the ability to 'defend' herself. The nurse laughed and said it's because they can't give her any water. Each time she wants water and gets told no she throws a shit storm. She can't have liquids unless their thickened.
One of the reasons I called was to assess the situation, but also the nurse had asked my neice to have me call to give details of prior behaviors and perhaps me talk with my sister to see if that might calm her down.
Nope. They have her tied down, doped up, and nothing within reach.
What a conundrum. I told the nurse I can't physically get there until next week unless there is an emergency situation again. Until then, doc is calling me sometime tomorrow after all these evaluations and tests are done. If she upsets herself strongly again, has another heart arrest she's done.
My quandary that I need to sleep on tonight is trying to figure out how to get this situation headed down a healing path for all involved.
I had to wire money from my account directly to my niece's account today so the poor girl can get to and from from work, hospital, drive-thru/grocery stock up, visit to her mother's bedside. She's overdrawn from trying to pay all the bills while the senior center has my sister's money on hold because of a paperwork mistake.
Seems the liasion at the nursing home filled out permanent residency papers when it was supposed to be rehabilitation papers and now the account is frozen until it's sorted out.
My neice was so excited on the hour and forty some minute drive because her mother finally passed the stand alone breathing test to have incubation removed. She is alert and breathing on her own and can talk, erhem, scream and verbally lash out at all around her. The nurse was horrified when my sister started bashing my neice in the head with the clip on fan my sister was using.
W T F
My poor neice leaned in to kiss her mom on the forehead and bam. The sis loses her shit starts thrashing and throwing things...grabs the fan and wham. The nurse rang the call so my sister bit her, the nurse, and now there is an ever larger issue of assault.
Geeish. The staff walked my neice out, sat her down, checked her all over to he sure she was OK and told her it's best to just go back home and they would call.
When my neice called me with all thus I was livid. WTF is my sister doing? After speaking with her nurse I was told that the doc ordered my sister sedated again, a series of psyche evaluations are scheduled for the morning and we'll go from there.
I convinced my neice to rest...tough stuff for her right now because she's blaming herself, asking me what she's doing wrong in caring for her mom.
We, and I mean docs and nurses too, all feel that my sister's brain has finally given out. Instead of being able to rationalize her situation she's turned rabid. I explained to the nurse that much of this anger is steming from the sister being in a vulnerable and physically weakened state so she's lashing out from not having the ability to 'defend' herself. The nurse laughed and said it's because they can't give her any water. Each time she wants water and gets told no she throws a shit storm. She can't have liquids unless their thickened.
One of the reasons I called was to assess the situation, but also the nurse had asked my neice to have me call to give details of prior behaviors and perhaps me talk with my sister to see if that might calm her down.
Nope. They have her tied down, doped up, and nothing within reach.
What a conundrum. I told the nurse I can't physically get there until next week unless there is an emergency situation again. Until then, doc is calling me sometime tomorrow after all these evaluations and tests are done. If she upsets herself strongly again, has another heart arrest she's done.
My quandary that I need to sleep on tonight is trying to figure out how to get this situation headed down a healing path for all involved.
John K
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It sounds like a nightmare Sandie. The only positive thing in there is that it’s pretty clear your sister is seriously mentally ill as well as physically. That turns the problem completely into the practical one of how to deal with it. Scant consolation though. As ever, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Very much nightmarish @John K , that is if I view it that way. She has had some sort of mental break I'm certain. Just from reviewing past histories with the doc this morning it's obvious that my sister can no longer 'hide' her true self from others now. Even her doc agrees she's behaving like a caged animal. They sedated her again last night. For her own safety, but as a means to give staff a break in the relentless aggressive and combative way she's acting. My neice has tapped out now and refuses to go in my sister's room. She met with the docs this morning and went back to her home without seeing her mom.
The nurse she has bitten isn't pressing any charges, but rather the hospital has followed up with the incident so we shall see how that affects my sister. The doc let us know that if or when the sis can go back into a room it will be in the psychiatric care of the same hospital.
I don't know how changes in personality occur after cardiac/respitory arrest. I had attempted to explain to the docs that these are not changes but traits going unhidden now. This is the sister I know when the curtains are closed and there are no witnesses. She's never actually bitten someone before this though.
Going to be a long week for me. I'm headed there next Friday, and, good lord willing the sis doesn't die in the meantime, I'm torn between knocking the snot out of her, and after muzzling, digging in her head to sort out wtf is driving these latest behaviors. Like I don't already have a heaping
I jest as a means to keep a level head and wearing out my neck from shaking it in disbelief. lol.
MoonFlier
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I don't have any experience with violent behavior either verbally or physically, but I know hospitals are ill equipped to deal with anyone showing aggression.
Your poor niece. My love out to her, and emotional support to you both. No matter what happens, I know I speak sentiment we all feel ... we are here for you.
Your poor niece. My love out to her, and emotional support to you both. No matter what happens, I know I speak sentiment we all feel ... we are here for you.
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Thank you @MoonFlier
After speaking with her nurse again tonight the hospital admin team put a security person and a watch nurse in her room. My neice agreed also to meet with a grief counselor by telephone so she might have an avenue to help process all that is going on. I'm working at fielding extended family updates so that my neice can focus on resting in between work shifts. I'm hopeful that staying at home and putting her focus on what's next for her my neice can move through the next phases of my sister's care without assuming the guilt and blow to her self esteem.
The nurse, sworn to secrecy, has agreed to not tell my sister I'll be there next weekend. My neice agreed to only call the nurse for updates and not visit again until I'm with her next week. With my sister being so out of touch, not knowing days etc., this plan should work for the focus to have the psychiatric evaluation done.
It's amazing to me that two teaspoons of water sends my sister into aspirated coughing. Until she can pass that test she can't have anything but thickened liquids. The staff has been giving her smoothy drinks of all flavors including coffee and she chucks the cup after a sip. They will have to reinsert the feeding tube if that continues.
Her oxygen saturation is at 97%, and her heart is on rhythm, so she is the only obstacle in her way. The docs say the pneumonia is clearing out well with the antibiotics. Her finger comes off on Monday. She has a few pressure sores they are watching and treating, however, they say she appears clear of any gangrene infection for now.
Hoping things improve for all.
thank you for the confidence boost Ian ... some days my brain feels like a squirrel in traffic, lol. 
*red car squirrel,
Slippery...it's how a narc personality squiggles her way out of getting found out by strangers who are unaware of the underlying monster and its bag of tricks.
ICU Psychosis. Yeah, okay.
https://www.emedicinehealth.com/can...t=Symptoms of ICU psychosis usually,Delusions
I hadn't heard of that before now.
ICU Psychosis. Yeah, okay.
https://www.emedicinehealth.com/can...t=Symptoms of ICU psychosis usually,Delusions
I hadn't heard of that before now.
Gerish, I'm getting cauliflower ear from spending so much time on the darn phone.
Piliminary assessment...more straps, another security guard, more laudunum...skitzo-affect response to her current environment? icu psychosis?, smfh, more farkin drugs ...will possibly act as a calming agent...for now it was a big needle in her chunky ass that knocked her out cold when she boldly punched the psychiatrist in the nose and drawing blood. wtf.
big deep...no deeper...breaths...
sarcasm...definitely a overwhelming response to chaos...or one of my super powers.
On a more positive note...a reassessment on Monday. No way of knowing if it is a cabin fever type reaction to being in the hospital/nursing home environment too long, or taking into account this little sister's assessment...all the lifetime shit has rose to the surface and about to enter the proverbial fan...another example of speaking up when our mental health hurts. It's much more important than the obvious broken bone.
Forever the optimist am I ... I soundly believe there is a healthy outcome after we all get through this...and get through it we will. ♡ Loving our way through it. Often love is the first step in forgiving ourselves and others.
Piliminary assessment...more straps, another security guard, more laudunum...skitzo-affect response to her current environment? icu psychosis?, smfh, more farkin drugs ...will possibly act as a calming agent...for now it was a big needle in her chunky ass that knocked her out cold when she boldly punched the psychiatrist in the nose and drawing blood. wtf.
big deep...no deeper...breaths...
sarcasm...definitely a overwhelming response to chaos...or one of my super powers.
On a more positive note...a reassessment on Monday. No way of knowing if it is a cabin fever type reaction to being in the hospital/nursing home environment too long, or taking into account this little sister's assessment...all the lifetime shit has rose to the surface and about to enter the proverbial fan...another example of speaking up when our mental health hurts. It's much more important than the obvious broken bone.
Forever the optimist am I ... I soundly believe there is a healthy outcome after we all get through this...and get through it we will. ♡ Loving our way through it. Often love is the first step in forgiving ourselves and others.
MoonFlier
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My grandma had schizophrenia, apparently most of her life, but my grandpa hid her problems even from her own son. It wasn't until she was alone (and calling the police) that the issue was known. But then we had a base from which her medical decline would be judged off of.
You mentioned your sis has always been the mean one. Although they should I'm not sure the psychiatrist will take that into account when diagnosing her. Even if she could drink water, clearly she cannot go home until she's no longer a danger to herself or her daughter or else someone will end up back in the ER.
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I've always wondered if the sis has it...my mother's mother had it.
Yes, I had my input via phone. I'm sure they'll figure it out.
She's headed back to the nursing home after she's well enough. She's been in the hospital/nursing home since January. The psychiatrist is taking the affidavit of the nurse when my sis pitched herself against the wall and broke her hip when she fell, and the 51/50 they held her on for 48 hours at that time. They are going as far back to when she fell and shattered her leg for this delirium diagnosis. I sincerely hope they can figure it all out so she gets the help she obviously needs and I can stop calling her the mean sister.
A quiet Sunday morning ♡
I'm a big fan of mornings when I wake up only to the sounds of the cacophony of birds going about their business...no phone, no alarm, no noise of human chaos.
Grateful for the opportunity to enjoy the moment. Quietude.
I'm a big fan of mornings when I wake up only to the sounds of the cacophony of birds going about their business...no phone, no alarm, no noise of human chaos.
Grateful for the opportunity to enjoy the moment. Quietude.
At what stage do I get to do a jig while screaming told ya so, told ya so.
I have cauliflower ear in both ears from being on the phone so much these past few days with my neice, the docs, assisting nurses...those nurses have my sympathies. These ladies have to work 12-hour shifts and deal with patients with empty patience.
Though my sis's insurance doesn't cover much of the services the hospital is providing, she's had all the stops pulled within reason for her.
Progress is often all up hill and inches at a time. The psychiatrist has given my sister a twice a day dose of serequel. Yep, same medication the neurologist has given Dad for dementia treatment, only my sister is getting almost triple the dose twice a day. It coupled with a general set of low dose antipsychotics.
After a very lengthy conversation with the psychiatrist/sociologist that did the intake evaluation on my sister, she blurrs out that she suspects my sister has SzPd. Huh? What the heck us that I ask her, even though I knew.
Schizoid Personality Disorder, aka SzPD. It's an initial assessment. The docs will do a more extensive assessment once my suspects becomes more cooperative. The docs assume my sister does have ICU Psychosis with delirium, but it's suspected she has Vascular Dementia also from the multiple strokes and heart attacks.
Ooph. My journey this weekend has changed in that an overnight visit has morphed into my staying until Monday to meet with my neice and my sister's team of docs to assemble the facts of my sister's situation and create a plan of treatment for her going forward.
There is no known 'cure' for SzPD, or schizophrenia for that matter. Both my mother's mother, and youngest sister have had in-house treatment for schizophrenia years ago...genetically speaking, it's not a far stretch to assume my sister has it and has done an exceptional job of hiding it for much of her life according to the psyche doc.
I've found if one digs deep enough the root cause of anything that affects the human condition can be found out.
The docs echoed in agreement to my saying that my sister can't hide her True Self any longer ... even Jung said we all will meet our darkest points in our journey lest we ask to or not.
So I'm hopeful that I'm doing the correct thing in leaving Dad, (who seems to be doing well enough), with my younger sister while I go advocate for my older sister and help my neice develop a plan going forward.
My neice claims she is done with her mother. I keep insisting she stay at home and focus on work and Miss Maggie so that both she and her mom can have a respite from the arguments.
A good 'treatment' for SzPD is CBT. The dis advantages of cognitive therapy coupled with talk therapy is getting past the fantasy and lies. The sister's cover story is so thick with crap it will take forever to get deep. If she does have dementia at age 59, there lies a question of do we let a mental illness go in leiu of treating the dementia?
I told her daughter and best friend that perhaps we should declare a medical bankruptcy, sell her home and larger assets, bring her back to home ground in a nice, affordable senior facility and let her live out her days closer to home. She'll be in a facility either way. If we convince her to come back to a place where friends and family can visit, perhaps the anger and internal discord could become more manageable for her and my neice could have a stab at a life of her own. ♡
I dunno, there is a lot to consider...I do know my head hurts. ;P
I have cauliflower ear in both ears from being on the phone so much these past few days with my neice, the docs, assisting nurses...those nurses have my sympathies. These ladies have to work 12-hour shifts and deal with patients with empty patience.
Though my sis's insurance doesn't cover much of the services the hospital is providing, she's had all the stops pulled within reason for her.
Progress is often all up hill and inches at a time. The psychiatrist has given my sister a twice a day dose of serequel. Yep, same medication the neurologist has given Dad for dementia treatment, only my sister is getting almost triple the dose twice a day. It coupled with a general set of low dose antipsychotics.
After a very lengthy conversation with the psychiatrist/sociologist that did the intake evaluation on my sister, she blurrs out that she suspects my sister has SzPd. Huh? What the heck us that I ask her, even though I knew.
Schizoid Personality Disorder, aka SzPD. It's an initial assessment. The docs will do a more extensive assessment once my suspects becomes more cooperative. The docs assume my sister does have ICU Psychosis with delirium, but it's suspected she has Vascular Dementia also from the multiple strokes and heart attacks.
Ooph.
My journey this weekend has changed in that an overnight visit has morphed into my staying until Monday to meet with my neice and my sister's team of docs to assemble the facts of my sister's situation and create a plan of treatment for her going forward.There is no known 'cure' for SzPD, or schizophrenia for that matter. Both my mother's mother, and youngest sister have had in-house treatment for schizophrenia years ago...genetically speaking, it's not a far stretch to assume my sister has it and has done an exceptional job of hiding it for much of her life according to the psyche doc.
I've found if one digs deep enough the root cause of anything that affects the human condition can be found out.
The docs echoed in agreement to my saying that my sister can't hide her True Self any longer ... even Jung said we all will meet our darkest points in our journey lest we ask to or not.
So I'm hopeful that I'm doing the correct thing in leaving Dad, (who seems to be doing well enough), with my younger sister while I go advocate for my older sister and help my neice develop a plan going forward.
My neice claims she is done with her mother. I keep insisting she stay at home and focus on work and Miss Maggie so that both she and her mom can have a respite from the arguments.
This is Maggie. A German Wire-hair Pointer...a water puppy. 
She is a wonderful dog! I made her a little pair of Harry Potter glasses with elastic, but she pawed them off and chewed/or hid them somewhere Those eyes, only 8 months old, but so filled with soulful love, she just melts my heart each time I see her.
She is a wonderful dog! I made her a little pair of Harry Potter glasses with elastic, but she pawed them off and chewed/or hid them somewhere Those eyes, only 8 months old, but so filled with soulful love, she just melts my heart each time I see her.I told her daughter and best friend that perhaps we should declare a medical bankruptcy, sell her home and larger assets, bring her back to home ground in a nice, affordable senior facility and let her live out her days closer to home. She'll be in a facility either way. If we convince her to come back to a place where friends and family can visit, perhaps the anger and internal discord could become more manageable for her and my neice could have a stab at a life of her own. ♡
I dunno, there is a lot to consider...I do know my head hurts. ;P
Very good advice
Yes, my neice returned her mother her phone Monday and it's been a tsunami of calls to everyone in the sister's contact list ... bring her clothes, give her water. The ENT did a scope earlier today. The sister has a mass the size of a golf ball in her esophagus. They think it is a result of her yanking out the incubation tube. I'll be heading over to her hospital on Saturday. Friday evening is going to be taking the neice some place nice to a sit down dinner, then back home to sift through my sister's papers. My neice, if the sister gets the long term care insurance and other documents signed will be following me home Monday so we can go see my sister's lawyer on Tuesday.
We plan to discuss bringing my sister "home" when she's released from hospital back into nursing facility. In the condition she's in and the needs she has it will be a good plan. There is a equipped skilled nursing facility half hour from us all...friends, family, etc.
My neice wants to transfer her job to Wyoming and experience life independently from my sister, I can't disagree that it would be a good plan for her. She deserves to have as many independent experiences as life allows.
Since my sister will slowly fade away mentally as her body continues to breakdown it would give space for good bye transitions.
I started a goodie bag to bring with me to the hospital. She can't have anything by mouth until she passes the swallowing test, and the MRI will let docs know about this new challenge, so candies and things are out. I picked up some, wipe cloths, lotions, nail polish, combs, two paperbacks and a couple magazines, a notebook, coloring book and some colored pencils and markers ... just busy items but a bit of hope too. With all the leeds, tubing, and such she has to stay in her hospital gown, so later down the road I thought I'd get her some senior clothing with velcro/snaps in the back to help her "feel more normal".
When the sis called me Monday morning she didn't get very far with her demands with me ... I continued to simply redirect her like I do Dad, lol. I've had lots of practice
Matty
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Being quiet of mind and alone can be both profound and agonising.
So much of what we do, in terms of socialising, career wise, trying to establish a home, hobbies, travels, etc, is filling up the void of quiet loneliness. Goals and accomplishments don't really mean much, except for the irrational value we attach to them, and irrationally, they seem far superior to sitting in an empty room for years.
Perhaps the end of life care or comfort we can offer others is simply not leaving them alone in an empty room.
It's agonising to care for the dying precisely because we see in them the futility of our projects, and the emptiness of gap filler ambitions. Ultimately, they are experiencing what we work so hard to avoid experiencing.
So much of what we do, in terms of socialising, career wise, trying to establish a home, hobbies, travels, etc, is filling up the void of quiet loneliness. Goals and accomplishments don't really mean much, except for the irrational value we attach to them, and irrationally, they seem far superior to sitting in an empty room for years.
Perhaps the end of life care or comfort we can offer others is simply not leaving them alone in an empty room.
It's agonising to care for the dying precisely because we see in them the futility of our projects, and the emptiness of gap filler ambitions. Ultimately, they are experiencing what we work so hard to avoid experiencing.
I agree whole-heartedly. After seeing firsthand that once a person reaches a certain age, or their health declines, others often see them as 'less than', and in the extreme 'useless'. In societal view anyway.
In relevance to my sister, she has been antisocial the majority of her life. Never having more than one or two friends at a time before moving on to someone with more benefits. She enjoys sitting a room barking orders.
Some individuals have chaotic minds. Often never learning in life that they control their thoughts, not their thoughts are in control of them.
Again, in relevance to my sister, it has been a lifetime of acting out and projecting her thoughts and behaviors onto others. In other words, her storyline is the only one that matters. When indeed it does not.
Individuals carry their own opinions and agendas. One of the primary markers of adulthood and maturity is to notice there is a shared space of opinions and ideas between two people interacting in a moment. Each brings their own 'stuff' to that interaction. They can agree on points or not, however the reward lies in the take away. What exactly did each learn or share in that moment.
Unfortunately, most individuals do not see interaction in that way, instead, being unable to convince the other to join them in their opinions and ideologies, they move on to another and try again. My sister is one of these types...Regardless if we are talking the same points yet in different languages we are still wrong by not blindly getting in the box she created for us.
How tf silly am I?
I'm about to take off on a damn near four hour one way trip to rescue my neice and sage what little my sister has while leaving my daily responsibilities in my other sisters shaky hands only to get a big fat FU last night from my neice.
My only response to her was maybe you can take some time to think about who tf you are really angry with.
If one was to ask me, it's the internal struggle we all face when we can't change the circumstances we appear to be drowning in at any moment throughout our life.
Damn if I don't have the inkling to drive straight to the hospital, get a hotel room around the corner, and leave my neice to her doings. She is so immersed in this toxic and stalled soup misery that she is now speaking to me as she does her mother.
Aww, he'll no...this old auntie been lapping the sun a long time before you Missygoo...I will not stand with being treated by my neice in the way my mean sister communicates with me.
And, all because I had my Auxiliary installation dinner was last night at 6, and my neice blows up my phone about 4 with screen shots and vms from the sister after I strongly suggested that they do not engage this week and have a break...I didn't want to carry that mood into my dinner and presentations. It was my night to shine and play without worry and stress from homelife stuff.
She's got a blindside with her mother's behavior, caught up in her own feels and unable to see the bigger picture through the tears and heartbreak. I can feel it, I hear it, I see it ... it doesn't change the fact that on the inside I'm torn between wanting to bitch slap her in the teeth or take her big ass over my knee and paddle it.
Neither of which will happen. I have never hit her...slapped her hand once for tossing a shirt on the floor in the department store...the lil shit looked me right in the eye when I said, no, give it to me, and she tossed it...she is the poster baby for the Terrible Two's to Thirty stage.
She needs a big hug. A good cry. And a solid plan. ♡
I'm about to take off on a damn near four hour one way trip to rescue my neice and sage what little my sister has while leaving my daily responsibilities in my other sisters shaky hands only to get a big fat FU last night from my neice.
My only response to her was maybe you can take some time to think about who tf you are really angry with.
If one was to ask me, it's the internal struggle we all face when we can't change the circumstances we appear to be drowning in at any moment throughout our life.
Damn if I don't have the inkling to drive straight to the hospital, get a hotel room around the corner, and leave my neice to her doings. She is so immersed in this toxic and stalled soup misery that she is now speaking to me as she does her mother.
Aww, he'll no...this old auntie been lapping the sun a long time before you Missygoo...I will not stand with being treated by my neice in the way my mean sister communicates with me.
And, all because I had my Auxiliary installation dinner was last night at 6, and my neice blows up my phone about 4 with screen shots and vms from the sister after I strongly suggested that they do not engage this week and have a break...I didn't want to carry that mood into my dinner and presentations. It was my night to shine and play without worry and stress from homelife stuff.
She's got a blindside with her mother's behavior, caught up in her own feels and unable to see the bigger picture through the tears and heartbreak. I can feel it, I hear it, I see it ... it doesn't change the fact that on the inside I'm torn between wanting to bitch slap her in the teeth or take her big ass over my knee and paddle it.
Neither of which will happen. I have never hit her...slapped her hand once for tossing a shirt on the floor in the department store...the lil shit looked me right in the eye when I said, no, give it to me, and she tossed it...she is the poster baby for the Terrible Two's to Thirty stage.
She needs a big hug. A good cry. And a solid plan. ♡