What defines leading someone on? Or being a flirt? And do INFJs do that?

Nixie said:
It ends with the woman saying, "I only think of you as a friend" and the guy leaves. Then the guy meeting the next girl and starting the monologue all over again. :)
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and then she says 'yes' and they live happily ever after
 
Eventhorizon said:
Inspired to write porn... interesting.
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No to make fun of the stupidity that says that attraction must be acted upon and that somehow feeling it toward other's with no intent to act upon it is wrong somehow.
 
Nixie said:
No to make fun of the stupidity that says that attraction must be acted upon and that somehow feeling it toward other's with no intent to act upon it is wrong somehow.
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attraction works on different levels

I just don't see why friends can't be intimate if they both want to
 
muir said:
attraction works on different levels

I just don't see why friends can't be intimate if they both want to
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I agree. If they both want it then they should go for it. I think the problem is when one person reads too much into the "friendly" compatibility and wants more...the other person, not so much.
 
CrazyBeautiful said:
I agree. If they both want it then they should go for it. I think the problem is when one person reads too much into the "friendly" compatibility and wants more...the other person, not so much.
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In an ideal world the person would feel flattered that someone has expressed interest, but let the person down gently without crushing them and they would continue as friends

But in a world where many people make such a big deal out of everything and create so much pressure and where gossip and drama are prized more than harmony and compassion people are less likely to be philosophical or magnanimous
 
muir said:
In an ideal world the person would feel flattered that someone has expressed interest, but let the person down gently without crushing them and they would continue as friends

But in a world where everyone makes such a big deal out of everything and creates so much presure people are less likely to be philosophical or magnanimous
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I am sure it still plays out like that quite often.
 
CrazyBeautiful said:
Lol, it is a tough one to spell! :).
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shall we get jeff to help us out?

[video=youtube;y8AWFf7EAc4]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8AWFf7EAc4[/video]
 
Eventhorizon said:
I was frapping confused. But I kept my distance. I just did not know what to do with that. I turns out that once I decided I was attracted to her, I realized I was very attracted. Any way a long time ago.

Any thoughts about this one? Remember I am still trying to figure out why I am seemingly not capable of love. Given whats stated here, did I read this completely wrong?
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You probably did the right thing because her actions sound like somebody who could be playing games. Some women never get enough attention. I think the clue was when she told you someone thought she looked like Catherine Zeta Jones. You might have gotten some action but I don't think it would have led to a relationship and it might have ended up being a real headache.
 
muir said:
attraction works on different levels

I just don't see why friends can't be intimate if they both want to
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I agree- and sometimes that's when the best relationships form.

But I don't believe that all men are attracted to their female friends- as I mentioned before, this suggests that men would never befriend unattractive girls...going on the assumption that attraction is purely physical.

I think attraction can be many things...but I don't think all male/female friendships are based on sexual attraction. I actually think that devalues a lot of great male/female friendships, and also make men seem like they're only interested in women on one level.

Perhaps I'm completely misreading the thread- but I don't think it's black or white. Sure men might befriend a girl to sleep with them, but I don't think it's always the case.


Eventhorizon said:
Ok so you are saying you are sad no one in your mind seems to be expressing interest in you but that of these people anyway, you are not interested in any of them anyway?
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I'm not really sure how I feel it really pertinent to the thread. I think there was miscommunication when I asked if men only befriend attractive females. I don't think this is always the case, nor am I saying I'm unattractive....I think people befriend people for a variety of reasons - attraction might be part of it, but it's not always the case.
 
muir said:
shall we get jeff to help us out?

[video=youtube;y8AWFf7EAc4]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8AWFf7EAc4[/video]
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This put me in a kumbaya mood. Still listening to it, about to whip out a lighter and wave it in the air lol.
 
say what said:
I agree- and sometimes that's when the best relationships form.

But I don't believe that all men are attracted to their female friends- as I mentioned before, this suggests that men would never befriend unattractive girls...going on the assumption that attraction is purely physical.

I think attraction can be many things...but I don't think all male/female friendships are based on sexual attraction. I actually think that devalues a lot of great male/female friendships, and also make men seem like they're only interested in women on one level.

Perhaps I'm completely misreading the thread- but I don't think it's black or white. Sure men might befriend a girl to sleep with them, but I don't think it's always the case.
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Agreed!
 
DonTaushMe said:
This put me in a kumbaya mood. Still listening to it, about to whip out a lighter and wave it in the air lol.
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His dad had an amazing voice as well:

[video=youtube;dAo4xWIPFE0]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAo4xWIPFE0[/video]
 
What defines leading someone on? Or being a flirt? And do INFJs do that?
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Not that I'm aware that I am naturally friendly or a walking warmth-emitting aura, but in my opinion leading someone on, or being a flirt, has to do with your underlying motivation (motives). This calls for (lol) internal reflection.

Just because you are normally naturally friendly, bubbly, earnest, etc., should not "lower" you automatically down to the level of a flirt. Some people are just who they are, and if there is a problem, it is the other half's.

It does seem the same-sex ratio for lasting friendship is higher than the opposite-sex ratio. This is because of reasons including all of the previous posts described; (one or both halves start thinking about possibilities, things happen and can't go back as it was platonically before so forth/complications); but I chose not to believe this applies to everybody, and there is an exception to every rule.

Certainly, I have one example of a platonic male friend - though held at an arm's distance, still completely and utterly, platonic for a while now.

Now that there seems you have gathered some sort of "awareness" to the affect of your personality to men, you're cautious of this, and I think this will show in your interactions anyway. The change is inevitable. What hasn't is your motive, the pursuit of being "just friends" honestly, with men. I do think stating this line very clearly early will help, may need continual reminders, to which may be the end OR not the end of a friendship... but the important thing is, just continue being you and if you honestly had a look at yourself, and did not truly intend to "lead someone on", that is the only thing that matters here.

Motives... that is one fine line that means a heck of a lot to me. /rant from one infj
 
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DonTaushMe said:
You know, being a lesbian I can't say that I agree with the whole, "men just wanna fuck" thing. I have a bunch of guy friends, more so than female friends, and I don't believe it's because they secretly want to fuck me. In fact I know that it's not. Most all of them I know would at the drop of a hat, if I asked them to, but there are those who see me in a completely platonic sister type way too.

Now being on the other side of that, wanting to fuck certain women, playing the game in order to get there and later being told by them, "I'm tired of everyone just wanting to fuck me and not be my friend!" Chicks gotta listen to themselves when they say shit like that. I don't want to be their friend for a reason, I think they're shitty people. I'll fuck em, sure! But friendship makes me cringe, because they make me cringe. I don't believe that men and women can't be friends. I believe it's harder -MAYBE impossible- for men and women to be friends when they're sexually attracted to each other. I think it's easy as fuck when their both not, and those are pretty great friendships.
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Yes, the world is a fucked up place. Everyone I don't want to fuck, wants to fuck me. The one person I would DIE in a fire for AND is single BTW, come on I get lucky sometimes)...doesn't give a fuck about me or my emotions and steps all over me. When life's a joke, at least you'll have something funny to think about.
 
LucyJr said:
In what sense are INFJs attracted to the underdog ? To help them or what?
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Well yeah, but it's hard to help them when everyone else around them is secretly talking shit about them, especially when you are trying to be sociable to everyone. We aren't superheroes. But we do like to have meaning(something we feel strongly about) in the most sacred of relationships. Without that, the other stuff is garbage. A ship without sails. And have a nice ass and tight pants. THEN it works :D. Oh and pretty eyes, too. Not ugly eyes, god I hate those kind.
 
say what said:
I agree! But at the same time, being nice to someone, or being their friend- isn't leading them on! I think they're completely different! But it is unfortunate that sometimes being nice/a friend is mistaken for something more.
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It's one mistake I'll gladly keep making the rest of my life until I find someone. NEVAR GIVE UP! How you doin'?
 
Nixie said:
It ends with the woman saying, "I only think of you as a friend" and the guy leaves. Then the guy meeting the next girl and starting the monologue all over again. :)
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According to this thread the guy never took the hint and someone has issues with it.
 
muir said:
In an ideal world the person would feel flattered that someone has expressed interest, but let the person down gently without crushing them and they would continue as friends

But in a world where many people make such a big deal out of everything and create so much pressure and where gossip and drama are prized more than harmony and compassion people are less likely to be philosophical or magnanimous
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You sir are a genius. Wow I spelled genius wrong again. I am obviously not a genius am I? I hear by change the spelling of genius when on this forum to genious! And if you spell it the other way then you will be cursed and unable to think naughty thoughts about your secret crush for a week and everyone else gets to. :D
 
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