What personality trait in people raises a red flag with you?

Asa said:
When I worked in the food industry two men were picking on me in that gross (but common) degrading but sexually suggestive way. My boss walked up, took the food out of my hand, handed it to the men himself, and said, "NEVER pick on the people who handle your food." His tone made it sound like he was suggesting they'd get poisoned.

He was such a sweet guy. It was epic that he told them off and stood up for me.
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I would have instantly swooned for him. :O
 
Jonah Caan said:
When they treat the waiter/waitress rudely
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Agreed. If I am on a date, there is little they can do to recover if they exhibit ill-manners towards those in service to them. It is the first sign of something amiss in their character, and it takes everything within me not to get up and leave right then.
 
ESC2367 said:
I would have instantly swooned for him. :O
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I loved him, but like an uncle. He hired all the misfits, including people escaping apartheid and "at risk" kids from the neighborhood and a ton of people from the LGBTQX community, plus all us punks. We were a loyal, proud family who worked well together. I still visit him sometimes and I haven't worked there for decades.
 
Asa said:
When I worked in the food industry two men were picking on me in that gross (but common) degrading but sexually suggestive way. My boss walked up, took the food out of my hand, handed it to the men himself, and said, "NEVER pick on the people who handle your food." His tone made it sound like he was suggesting they'd get poisoned.

He was such a sweet guy. It was epic that he told them off and stood up for me.
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I'm so glad you had a boss who advocated for you in that situation, Asa.

I used to work in retail at a fragrance and lotions counter. There were a few men who would come in and buy for their mistresses, and suggest that I could be an additional one if I offered them a discount. As if I'd abate myself to being an object of use for them as some sort of recompense out of obligation to their service. Unfortunately, I worked alone a lot, so I'd often wish that someone would come to my aid. One time, a gentleman pushed me toward the counter brushing his body against me as he passed, expressing that he didn't see me there. Yet, he subsequently asked for my number, so his intentions were made quite clear. When I refused, he stormed out childishly knocking over a small display. I'm grateful that I trusted my gut with that one. :sweatsmile:
 
Anomaly said:
I'm so glad you had a boss who advocated for you in that situation, Asa.

I used to work in retail at a fragrance and lotions counter. There were a few men who would come in and buy for their mistresses, and suggest that I could be an additional one if I offered them a discount. As if I'd abate myself to being an object of use for them as some sort of recompense out of obligation to their service. Unfortunately, I worked alone a lot, so I'd often wish that someone would come to my aid. One time, a gentleman pushed me toward the counter brushing his body against me as he passed, expressing that he didn't see me there. Yet, he subsequently asked for my number, so his intentions were made quite clear. When I refused, he stormed out childishly knocking over a small display. I'm grateful that I trusted my gut with that one. :sweatsmile:
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Ohhhhh. Oh no. I'm so sorry.
Your situation is familiar. I too have worked in retail (high-end, boutique) environments. There is an attitude that we are also merchandise and we can be bought. There is also a strange "you're my servant and you need to put up with me" vibe. Telling them I was married did not discourage some – it is more desirable because they don't want relationships, just flings. Talk about red flags! I would never date anyone who behaved that way.
 
A person being indifferent to animal cruelty.
I just wouldn’t trust them to protect anything I love.
 
I don't really have distinct red flags on people, but if I can't trust myself around them and if I can't trust them, or if they can't trust me, I usually draw a line. Rather than planting the red flags on their foreheads, I have a tendency to turn the person around like I would a shampoo bottle, to check for ingredients or causes of alarming behavior. I tend to deal with it and will only walk away when I'm certain I can't or do not want to handle it. If it's the kind that is erosive of my fiercely protected values, I won't move forward with the relations.
 
mintoots said:
I don't really have distinct red flags on people, but if I can't trust myself around them and if I can't trust them, or if they can't trust me, I usually draw a line. Rather than planting the red flags on their foreheads, I have a tendency to turn the person around like I would a shampoo bottle, to check for ingredients or causes of alarming behavior. I tend to deal with it and will only walk away when I'm certain I can't or do not want to handle it. If it's the kind that is erosive of my fiercely protected values, I won't move forward with the relations.
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I like your approach. It makes a lot of sense to me.
 
ASPD traits.
Takes hard drugs i.e, meth, cocaine etc.
Narcissism
Etc.
 
Going to toss this one in that the lot that not only subscribe to this line of thinking "emotions are weakness" but also go through the effort of policing normal people much less everyone else as to what is or isn't allowed on this level to where basically saying anything at all isn't allowed and without fail it is usually male personalities doing this be it in society as well online. I honestly don't like them at all as most are just dick heads that are quick to shut others down so everyone has to fall in line and obey or risk their wrath never mind the flying monkeys that swoop in to get in on the action. I really begin to hate them when they don't allow for people to speak up on legitimate issues wither it be societal or something else and god forbid anyone ask for help much less seek support so fuck them.
 
Know-it-all, feel they have life or you all figured out because they've seen it all.
Monologue talkers and poor listeners.
Big on having it all, no compromise, or nothing is ever good enough if it it's not on a checklist
 
Gaze said:
Know-it-all, feel they have life or you all figured out because they've seen it all.
Monologue talkers and poor listeners.
Big on having it all, no compromise, or nothing is ever good enough if it it's not on a checklist
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i have no luck when it comes to monologue talkers like i am a magnet to them... :O
 
John K said:
The more I have to pretend, the redder the flag. I've spent my life pretending.
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I can relate, John. You are worth getting to know. You are worth being heard. You deserve to be yourself with everyone. Burn the masks, continue to live in the truth of who you are with abandon. Those who are worth it, will remain. In fact, they will appreciate your honesty all the more. <3
 
Entitlement tends to put me off. It is as if they must lean on a predetermined template of behaviour by which to feel confident about themselves. They expect and, therefore, do not appreciate.

Lack of empathy is the big one. The clue, for me, is when they are unwilling to consider others beyond the boundary of obligation. They don't have to care, therefore they don't.
 
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