What personality trait in people raises a red flag with you?

Anomalous said:
Entitlement tends to put me off. It is as if they must lean on a predetermined template of behaviour by which to feel confident about themselves. They expect and, therefore, do not appreciate.

Lack of empathy is the big one. The clue, for me, is when they are unwilling to consider others beyond the boundary of obligation. They don't have to care, therefore they don't.
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Agreed. Either of these is difficult to contend with. The prior, ensures that they will always consider their viewpoints the authority, and will hold others to things even they fail at under the lens of scrutiny. The latter trait gives justification for cruelty, for if their experience is paramount and all others pale, then they might allow the narrow view of their experience dictate what others can and cannot be, or can and cannot experience.

The two together, terrifying indeed.
 
As far as who I wouldn’t spend a lot of time with:
Anger issues, equating to a lack of maturity.
Anyone who can’t apologize.
Addictions.
Pride/Easily bruised ego.
Impulsiveness (not talking about spontaneity).
Smoking.

Regarding dating, I would add:
Having no serious goals.
 
Wyote said:
INTJs know everyone is an idiot, they don't need to assert it, the idiots will do that themselves
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I don’t know or judge your heart regarding this comment. If it was said jokingly, I can appreciate that, however, I will say I felt like this about others when I was younger. But people aren’t necessarily “idiots” for not having awareness or even for not agreeing with us. We all have our issues.

If we see something others don’t and we know we are right, we bare a burden to swallow any pride and have compassion and patience with them. We’ve all been wrong at times.

INFJs are known for being highly moral to the point of over-identifying ourselves with keeping to those values perfectly, which cannot be done. We see in others the flaws within ourselves we hate. Turning it back on them through projection is unhelpful.

Let’s be mindful to stop before we call someone an idiot in our hearts and take the high road. Let it be. Let them see for themselves if they have errored. And always consider if you are wrong. Sometimes we don’t have the whole picture.

Love people as they are. It does no good to resent people. Actions, yes. People, no.
 
MsLonelyHearts said:
I don’t know or judge your heart regarding this comment. If it was said jokingly, I can appreciate that
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My gf and best friend are INTJ, I know what I'm talking about.
On one level it's a joke, on another it's kind of true.
 
Daustus said:
Ironic Facial Hair
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Anyone not wearing googly eyes. Lol

I’m not too sure I have personal boundaries. Im taking notes for myself too. I have ptsd so I understand that I put myself in dangerous situations sometimes. :confounded:

Controlling behavior is a big one for me. My healing process takes time. Manipulation, lying, gender roles, isolating behaviors instead of encouragement, jealousy over friends, etc. I’ve ignored quite a few red flags in my life.
 
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ExhumedMorrison said:
Pretty sure I’m the whole flag lately. Lol
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All of us have someone who may see us that way, EM, but it doesn't mean you aren't worth getting to know and seen as a lovely person to others. Knowing you have faults is more than some can acknowledge in themselves. When we stare into our deep dark mirror, the important thing is what we do once we are aware. You're healing, finding yourself apart from the chaos, and moving forward. Be kind to yourself in the process. Some of us look at you, and we do not see a red flag at all; we see a beautiful soul.
 
I've had to think about this a lot. I've seen this thread pop up several times in new posts and I haven't really arrived at a conclusion until .. well, recently.

The largest red flag for me of late has been the obsession with perception.
The incessant need to 'correct the narrative' that others may have about them and the
obsession with appearing to be a good person rather than actually focusing on being one.

Repeating things like, "I am a good person" or "I am a person of integrity".
Is it really the world they are trying to convince at that point, or themselves?
 
yokai said:
I've had to think about this a lot. I've seen this thread pop up several times in new posts and I haven't really arrived at a conclusion until .. well, recently.

The largest red flag for me of late has been the obsession with perception.
The incessant need to 'correct the narrative' that others may have about them and the
obsession with appearing to be a good person rather than actually focusing on being one.

Repeating things like, "I am a good person" or "I am a person of integrity".
Is it really the world they are trying to convince at that point, or themselves?
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I think if you are a "good person", you don't need to tell this! It's like to have 7 feet height and tell "I'm tall!"... We know the tree by the fruit...
 
yokai said:
I've had to think about this a lot. I've seen this thread pop up several times in new posts and I haven't really arrived at a conclusion until .. well, recently.

The largest red flag for me of late has been the obsession with perception.
The incessant need to 'correct the narrative' that others may have about them and the
obsession with appearing to be a good person rather than actually focusing on being one.

Repeating things like, "I am a good person" or "I am a person of integrity".
Is it really the world they are trying to convince at that point, or themselves?
Click to expand...

I don’t think anyone is really a good person as much as we’re all working at it, but I don’t want to be obsessed with perception in that. I think we can be told for so long that we begin to think we deserved it. Especially if it occurred in childhood.
 
ExhumedMorrison said:
I don’t think anyone is really a good person as much as we’re all working at it, but I don’t want to be obsessed with perception in that. I think we can be told for so long that we begin to think we deserved it. Especially if it occurred in childhood.
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I'm with you on this, I think.
I think this goes back to the idea that people themselves aren't inherently good or bad,
just that actions and intentions can be good or bad.
 
yokai said:
I've had to think about this a lot. I've seen this thread pop up several times in new posts and I haven't really arrived at a conclusion until .. well, recently.

The largest red flag for me of late has been the obsession with perception.
The incessant need to 'correct the narrative' that others may have about them and the
obsession with appearing to be a good person rather than actually focusing on being one.

Repeating things like, "I am a good person" or "I am a person of integrity".
Is it really the world they are trying to convince at that point, or themselves?
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True. I think there is a distinct difference between claiming to be a thing, and claiming to seek after the embodiment of that thing. They are not analgous, and perfection of upholding these values to any degree consistently is actually impossible. You can say what you are, but it comes out in how you consistently treat others. Sometimes, we fail, but that's human. No one can honestly say that they have acted completely in regard to a particular value in every situation. If they ever did, I'd have to call out their delusional self-agrandizing.
 
yokai said:
I've had to think about this a lot. I've seen this thread pop up several times in new posts and I haven't really arrived at a conclusion until .. well, recently.

The largest red flag for me of late has been the obsession with perception.
The incessant need to 'correct the narrative' that others may have about them and the
obsession with appearing to be a good person rather than actually focusing on being one.

Repeating things like, "I am a good person" or "I am a person of integrity".
Is it really the world they are trying to convince at that point, or themselves?
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That is called "saving face" and unfortunately it may as well be a corner stone of some cultures. It is common practice when the above doesn't work someone innocent ends up taking the blame while the responsible parties get off the hook.
 
Recent red flags are when people only acknowledge or recognize your existence when they want or need something from you. But when you need their support or understanding, they ignore or leave you hanging. I hate inconsistency in people. I am not saying, we all don't get busy and things happen, but if you're going to be there, be there. Hot and cold is not cool.
 
Gaze said:
Recent red flags are when people only acknowledge or recognize your existence when they want or need something from you. But when you need their support or understanding, they ignore or leave you hanging. I hate inconsistency in people. I am not saying, we all don't get busy and things happen, but if you're going to be there, be there. Hot and cold is not cool.
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I relate with this. It's something we either have to be clear about, that it doesn't work for us in a friendship, or be willing to accept that they can't meet us on a level field - maybe someday, and maybe not.
To me, if I make myself helpful for others, it's best assuming it won't be reciprocated. Most lives are so busy and overcrowded that we are noise at the edge of everyone else's periphery.

*hugs* Gaze you're lovely and I hope your friends treat you well. If not, I hope that you find those that will. Life is hard going through without support.
 
ExhumedMorrison said:
Anyone not wearing googly eyes. Lol

I’m not too sure I have personal boundaries. Im taking notes for myself too. I have ptsd so I understand that I put myself in dangerous situations sometimes. :confounded:

Controlling behavior is a big one for me. My healing process takes time. Manipulation, lying, gender roles, isolating behaviors instead of encouragement, jealousy over friends, etc. I’ve ignored quite a few red flags in my life.
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I miss the old SNL. This was hilarious!

Sorry you have PTSD. I have cPTSD. It is one more thing that makes trusting others more difficult.

A sense of humor is helpful though.
 
MsLonelyHearts said:
I miss the old SNL. This was hilarious!

Sorry you have PTSD. I have cPTSD. It is one more thing that makes trusting others more difficult.

A sense of humor is helpful though.
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it’s difficult when it isn’t a fully recognized disorder. I’ve been trapped in traumatizing situations and have had multiple traumas too. Eye contact is a big one for me because I’m terrified of people and relationships. It helps to remember other people are dealing with it too and stare deep into their googly eyes. I’m pretty sure my own autistic traits won’t see anything, unfortunately. Lmao.
There’s people who are there for you even if they don’t fully understand. Remember that and don’t worry if you need some space. Go to therapy, talk about your trauma. I’ve learned that being a part of a group of people who’ve been through it too is helpful. You can pm me whenever you want, though I’d understand if you wouldn’t want to.
 
Thanks. I didn’t know it wasn’t fully recognized. I do actually have a therapist. I find groups depressing though.

I actually love autistic people. I’ve been keeping an eye out for an Aspie friend specifically who can be refreshingly blunt with me. I hope that’s not rude to say. I just struggle with people’s inability to be clear, and it leads to confusion and embarrassment on both parts.

Thanks for your support. I hope things work out for you.
 
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