Why don't women make the first move?

When I've made the first move, and it's been a long time, it was just embarrassing. I realized later that the interest I saw was meaningless flirting or the person thought it was sweet, but would never really be interested. Early on, I didn't know anything about anything, so I probably came on too strong and aimed way above my pay grade :D, and it didn't help that I had very intense crushes that died a slow death. So, no, I don't make the first move anymore and I don't expect anyone else to do so either. Many will often read it as desperation even if it isn't. So, nope. I won't do it!:)
 
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Willenstarke said:
Also this

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I also think that persistence isn't a good thing in the romantic arena.
 
@Ren suggested that women do make moves but men just can't pick up on them. No. Looking at someone isn't a move. Laughing at someone's joke isn't a move. Nothing is a move that is so ambiguous that it could be interpreted as normal friendliness or innocent flirtation. A move is something by which you risk being rejected, or like @Gaze said, embarrassed; it's a clear indication of intention that doesn't leave room to pass it off as a joke or courtesy if you're rejected. There's some variation in different cultures regarding exactly what is a move, but eye contact isn't one, and I think that elevating such a thing to the status of a "move" devalues the contribution of those who actually have the guts to take a chance.
 
Fidicen said:
@Ren suggested that women do make moves but men just can't pick up on them. No. Looking at someone isn't a move. Laughing at someone's joke isn't a move. Nothing is a move that is so ambiguous that it could be interpreted as normal friendliness or innocent flirtation. A move is something by which you risk being rejected, or like @Gaze said, embarrassed; it's a clear indication of intention that doesn't leave room to pass it off as a joke or courtesy if you're rejected. There's some variation in different cultures regarding exactly what is a move, but eye contact isn't one, and I think that elevating such a thing to the status of a "move" devalues the contribution of those who actually have the guts to take a chance.
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Agreed!
 
Fidicen said:
@Ren suggested that women do make moves but men just can't pick up on them. No. Looking at someone isn't a move. Laughing at someone's joke isn't a move. Nothing is a move that is so ambiguous that it could be interpreted as normal friendliness or innocent flirtation. A move is something by which you risk being rejected, or like @Gaze said, embarrassed; it's a clear indication of intention that doesn't leave room to pass it off as a joke or courtesy if you're rejected. There's some variation in different cultures regarding exactly what is a move, but eye contact isn't one, and I think that elevating such a thing to the status of a "move" devalues the contribution of those who actually have the guts to take a chance.
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I think eye contact is a move within the game of seduction, if you like. It is not a move in the sense in which you understand it.

Chill out, man, I was not being super serious anyway.
 
Ren said:
I think eye contact is a move within the game of seduction, if you like. It is not a move in the sense in which you understand it.

Chill out, man, I was not being super serious anyway.
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The art of seduction is super srs bsns! :tonguewink:
 
Ren said:
I think eye contact is a move within the game of seduction, if you like. It is not a move in the sense in which you understand it.

Chill out, man, I was not being super serious anyway.
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Nooooo! All of your casual remarks shall be recorded in THE BOOK OF JUDGEMENTS for all of eternity!
 
Hmmmm, idk. I think the complicated thing about flirtation is how some people can take it the wrong way when others were just intending to be friendly.

I can’t tell you enough how some of my friends and I have been in situations where the opposite sex (some not all) take things the wrong complete way and take it as flirtation. And then unfortunately we have to be involved in this very awkward situation and tell the poor chap that it wasn’t like that at all.

I suppose the more direct you are with your flirtations and body language, the less chances of miscommunication? Idk.

But, I suck at knowing when a person is actually flirting with me so maybe I’m not the best person to take advice from when it comes to this sort of thing lolololol. :m075::m187:
 
For the record, there have been times where I haven't been able to tell if a man is asking me out. Solution: ASK!

Technically, if you ask her if she's trying to initiate something, she's still the one initiating and you're just responding. If she says, "No," at least she gets the message that her actions are taken that way.
 
Fidicen said:
@Ren suggested that women do make moves but men just can't pick up on them. No. Looking at someone isn't a move. Laughing at someone's joke isn't a move. Nothing is a move that is so ambiguous that it could be interpreted as normal friendliness or innocent flirtation. A move is something by which you risk being rejected, or like @Gaze said, embarrassed; it's a clear indication of intention that doesn't leave room to pass it off as a joke or courtesy if you're rejected. There's some variation in different cultures regarding exactly what is a move, but eye contact isn't one, and I think that elevating such a thing to the status of a "move" devalues the contribution of those who actually have the guts to take a chance.
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I agree.

However, "taking a chance" or "pursuing women" isn't smart; it's also a waste of time. A man should only accept romantic offers from a woman that makes herself blatantly available to him.

There's no point in risking rejection, possibly committing sexual harassment, or being labelled a "creep" for expressing one's interest.

It's much better in the long-run to focus on self-improvement.
 
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Pin said:
I agree.

However, "taking a chance" or "pursuing women" isn't smart; it's also a waste of time. A man should only accept romantic offers from a woman that makes herself blatantly available to him.

There's no point in risking rejection, possibly committing sexual harassment, or being labelled a "creep" for expressing one's interest.

It's much better in the long-run to focus on self-improvement.
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Waaaaaaaattttttt!?!?

How many times, man? Rejection is not a real risk. This is real real simple.

1) If you are interested in a woman, ask her out.

If she says no, that does not reflect in any way upon your masculinity or worth as a human being.

Otherwise, you're just sort of waiting for women to make moves out of a misplaced sense of status.

That is game playing and and it's bullshit.
 
Deleted member 16771 said:
Waaaaaaaattttttt!?!?

How many times, man? Rejection is not a real risk. This is real real simple.

1) If you are interested in a woman, ask her out.

If she says no, that does not reflect in any way upon your masculinity or worth as a human being.

Otherwise, you're just sort of waiting for women to make moves out of a misplaced sense of status.

That is game playing and and it's bullshit.
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Yeeeeeeeaaaahhh, I’m gonna have to agree with our buddy here.

Sorry friend,@Pin.

If you continue this perspective, you’re possibly letting opportunities fly you by. Speaking as a woman and for millions of women out there, sometimes we aren’t going to do the approaching. We are equally as afraid of rejection like men are at times, even more so if we really like the person.

If you let a woman know through flirtation and body-language that you are interested in her, and she shows the same level of interest back but doesn’t do anything—she is possibly incredibly nervous and you will have to make the first move.

Don’t expect women to always do the approaching. That’s not how dating works. Gotta take it by the horns and bite the bullet. At the end of the day, if you get rejected, at least you tried and you move onto the next.
 
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