Conversation skills

[AUM]

I have thought about it some, and I realised that with friends, family, or at work. I rather enjoy mindless chitter-chatter and small talk then. The thing that drives me to like it is it lets me learn more about people, in direct and indirect ways. It just comes down to the fact that I am very nosy. It makes sense, but I find it rather odd that most infj's have an adversion to small talk.

However, and this is important, if I am not in the right mood. I will not ingage in conversation at all.

Yeah, I've seen this happen with my INFJ friend as well. I'm wanting to have a deep conversation with her and she usually avoids it, she has to be in a particular mood for her to engage in such discussion otherwise I tend to hit myself with brick walls trying to pursuit it.

Other than that, I don't have that many good conversations, and the majority of the times I'm on the background just hearing the chit chat of other people and if something sparks interest that's when I will usually jump into the discussion.

 

[IndigoSensor]

Yeah, I've seen this happen with my INFJ friend as well. I'm wanting to have a deep conversation with her and she usually avoids it, she has to be in a particular mood for her to engage in such discussion otherwise I tend to hit myself with brick walls trying to pursuit it.

Other than that, I don't have that many good conversations, and the majority of the times I'm on the background just hearing the chit chat of other people and if something sparks interest that's when I will usually jump into the discussion.

Deep conversations are rare for me, because as you said I have to be in the mood for them. However, if I really want to have a deep conversation (or any topic really) I can usually get it out of someone. I am rather good at directing a conversation topic without someone knowing what I am doing.

 

[Gaze]

For me, it is not the subject of the conversation or the intellectual level that is important but how well I connect with the other person.

I like deep conversations about my deepest feeling and the mysteries of life and stuff, but I can also enjoy small talk, gossip, fooling around. It is the soul or the energy of the conversation that defines a good conversation. The best conversations for me are the ones in wich me and my partner or on the same wavelength, I know what she is thinking and she knows what is on my mind. We appreciate each others input and opinions. It doesn't matter what we talk about or that we even talk at all. Just being in each others presence is enough.

unfortunately, this doesn't come around very often. Even worse, most of my conversations is with people who doesn't connect at all. They are only interested in telling there own story. They don't pay attention to me, they don't know what I'm feeling or what I want to tell them. They use me as talking pall, a walking diary. There are even people who, when they tell me a story and when I go with there story and give input that relates to there story, just ignore my input and go on with there story as if I hadn't said anything, like I'm just not there. comm'on, I don't understand!! What is the point of telling some'one a story and don't care about some sort of reply. Why don't they just open a blog or wright in there diary and don't bother me!

Someone I spoke with earlier today talked about the idea of people speaking in monologues, I think what you are describing is quite similar. I look at conversations as dialogues, not as alternating monologues. It seems that conversations today are more about getting your points out or having your voice heard. There's little back and forth, but a simple statement, restatement, or reassertion of ideas.