Corrupt A Wish

Granted, the rabbit jumps out of its hat, swings a bat, causing you to swerve the impala that you were driving and smash straight into a tree. You survive; your rabbit does not, and you spend the rest of the day trying to get bloody entrails out of your nice clean clothes.

I wish I could breathe underwater
 
Granted, but you become immovably trapped at an ocean sewage outlet off the Indian coast. You are doomed to spend the rest of your life breathing fetid sewage water and eating whatever solids come your way.


I wish I could teleport wherever I wished safely.
 
Your wish is granted, however teleporting is the only thing that IS safe. You may be alive, but you keep reappearing at the DMV and people are starting to get suspicious.

I wish I had a farm.

-Anna
 
Sure, you can have a farm.
A poisonous snake farm, where every cage is made of termite-infested wood.

I wish for eternal peace and happiness for everyone everywhere.
 
Apone said:
Sure, you can have a farm.
A poisonous snake farm, where every cage is made of termite-infested wood.

I wish for eternal peace and happiness for everyone everywhere.
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You are doomed to live in a world so boring and without conflict that new ideas have stopped. Eons pass and there is nothing to do but to try and remember how to read so you can read the decayed pages of Dr. Seuss and The Bible. On the flip side, everyone is so happy about it that they want to tell you how happy they are ... all day every day and there is no place to hide.


I wish I had a bag that had a never ending supply of money.

 
UBERROGO said:
I wish I had a bag that had a never ending supply of money.
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Every time you reach into the bag, you are actually reaching into the pockets of a psychotic drug lord who not only knows about the bag, but also knows who you are, where you live, and what terrifies you the most.

I wish for perfect health and happiness through all of my days until the day that I peacefully die in my sleep.
 
Apone said:
I wish for perfect health and happiness through all of my days until the day that I peacefully die in my sleep.
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Granted, now you are going to be that happy and annoying next-door duchebag, that everyone hates. Now have a nice day.

I wish to live in a beautiful fairytale land that is filled with ponies and fairies and majestical knights and princesses.
 
Granted, you've been transported to the world of Disney. Unfortunately, since are flora and fauna are living conscious beings, eating would mean killing an innocent life so you starve to death.

I wish I was the most powerful being in the Universe.
 
[MENTION=5667]Jacobi[/MENTION] you become the most powerful being in the universe only to realise Powerful Universe Beings don't have genitals.

I wish my house was clean and tidy!
 
UBERROGO said:
You've been classified as dirt and thrown into the garbage.

I wish I was a "high-energy" person.
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You have a hyperactive thyroid which causes uncontrollable sweating, heart tremors, and uncontrollable anxiety attacks. Your anxiety attacks are characterized by intense and painful diarrhea. Also you have a huge goiter on your neck.

I wish I was a rapper.
 
Granted, you are now Vanilla Ice...enough said.

I wish it would rain.
 
Vicarious said:
Granted, you are now Vanilla Ice...enough said.

I wish it would rain.
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Granted...but you realize it is Jacobi, the genital-less Supreme Being, taking a leak from on high....

I wish I could fly around in the sky like a bird or like Peter Pan.
 
You can, but you must intern ten years doing football commercials. After that, you lose your wings. You must then wait twenty years for them to grow back so you can fly.

I wish someone would give me affordable health insurance.
 
just me said:
You can, but you must intern ten years doing football commercials. After that, you lose your wings. You must then wait twenty years for them to grow back so you can fly.

I wish someone would give me affordable health insurance.
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You now have affordable health insurance… it was free with your North Korean citizenship.

I wish that I had more positive reps than anyone else on the forums.
 
Granted. You are now inhabiting the body of [MENTION=2578]Kgal[/MENTION] and live in Texas. (sorry Kgal, but Texas sucks)

I wish my car was fixed
 
Granted. Your car has been fixed but it had to be taken apart to do so.

I wish I had a tri tip steak cooked to perfection, in front of me.
 
Granted. However the cook sneezed on it and a pubic hair got blown on it with their snot.

I wish I had something fun to do this weekend
 
Stormy1 said:
Granted. However the cook sneezed on it and a pubic hair got blown on it with their snot.

I wish I had something fun to do this weekend
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Granted. You can go to Burning Man this weekend...unfortunately, it ended last week but, hey, you can still go! (should have wished a little sooner! ; - )

I wish I could go spear fishing sometime soon.
 
Granted. Too bad about that typhoon.

I wish I could watch a good movie.
 
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