This all makes me sentimental about the arguments and debates I've had on these forums. I hope that wherever you are [MENTION=1871]muir[/MENTION] and [MENTION=5090]Apone[/MENTION], all is well in your world. Love you and miss you.
Debating can be too much fun, but I think that a lot of us here, including me, regardless of how detached we believe ourselves to be, are actually very passionate. It's hard not to be passionate when I feel deeply moved by something, when I'm feeling a whirlwind of emotion and a burning sense of drive and purpose, when I'm overwhelmed by the need to act and do what i 'believe' needs to be done. Not everyone understands this or respects this. Some times people are openly contemptuous. Nor do they have to be accepting in any way. It's up to me to deal with my emotional state and passion, not them. But it is something I recognize and know in myself, and it can make debating painful at times when I deeply feel for the subject matter, or when I feel that people are getting hurt and I could do something to stop the pain. I feel overwhelmed by the emotions of other people at times, completely paralyzed and catatonic to the point I forget who I am and I can't feel my self, and I just want to be alone, burying myself in the earth to drown out the painful waves of emotion.
For a long time I thought the world was completely insane and mankind were zombies. Something that really helped me during that time was connecting to like minded people, allowing myself to be encouraged, inspired and motivated by them to keep moving forward with my purpose whether anyone else cared or not. When things feel difficult or even insurmountable, there is nothing better than knowing that not only do other people care, but there are other people working towards the same goals. I am personally blown away by the extent of social and cultural progress we have had in the world this decade. The world becomes more and more my home, somewhere I want to live, something I have helped create.
I hate when arguments get personal. I can debate for hours with just about anyone and there are many people that would consider me argumentative or a devil's advocate. But on a different level, I can't handle personal arguments. I have never actually argued with any of my friends or colleagues or my sister. The only people I have ever argued with are my mum, and 2 of my ex boyfriends. I can't stand arguing. I feel that it's inappropriate and vulgar to raise my voice at someone I love. i don't like personal insults, attacks or judgements. They can paralyse and confuse me. I simply don't understand it, and when my loved ones talk to me this way I shut off from them and stop listening. when I feel angry or sad, I like to be alone. I try to control my anger but If I don't get the space I need, the anger feels like it implodes. There is nothing in this world I fear more than my own anger. I avoid talking to people when I feel this way. It always passes. But in the grip of it, I can be completely and utterly irrational...I don't say this lightly...in that consuming rage I feel I could destroy the whole world, I lose all sense of proportion. Of course I have never felt that way engaging on these forums lol, but in the distant past I did feel that intensity of emotion about certain topics that I have discussed
Over time I have learned to direct my passion into my work. I have stopped wanting or needing anyone else to care about my goals. I have learned to feel my anger without fear and let it turns into healthy and productive aggression. And most importantly when I feel that need to be alone and recharge I act on it without guilt. Looking after myself has become the upmost priority, regardless of how pressing the external world and it's demands seem
I don't think that my anger or the depth that I feel emotion, passion, and purpose is necessarily positive or negative or even because of my infj preferences. I think infj preferences, along with enneagram one, along with my natal chart map the picture more or less, but ultimately it's an idiosyncratic experience to the world that I know many people feel regardless of their mbti type. I know because I've met them through work, politics, volunteering, social gatherings etc.
When I first found the forums, I felt a sense of relief and peace. It was nice to connect with people who fundamentally understood some of my experience of the world, who communicated in a way I could relate to etc. Ofcourse, over time I have come to know there is as much similarity and variance within types as between types. My feelings about this forum has changed many times. At present, the only reason I visit this place is to see how my friends on here are doing. I love the people here. Overall I think it is a nice corner of the internet, even a safe haven. We certainly are, in my opinion, an erratic, paradoxical, and fascinating mix of personalities. There is inevitable clashes. But I find that in general people are incredibly supportive, intelligent, creative, funny, playful, kind, honest, wise, and generally gentle and interested in sharing and self development.
These sorts of situations arise inevitably, and they also blow over. I have hurt and angered people on here before, it's made me feel pretty bad. In a 'real' sense, I think it has to do with expressing and healing psychic and sometimes unconscious energy, because as many of you know, I believe in that sort of shit lol.
This forum I think is still a safe and dynamic place to communicate with people. But it does have its moods and cycles as well. Certain topics are particularly sensitive and divisive and other topics are particularly good at harmonising and create empathy and understanding. Some topics bring out the best and others the worst in some people. Obviously this has to do passion and attachment and natural inclination s and interests etc. Maybe we could do some research on it lol make a graph. I am sensitive to the feelings of the collective conscious, and it makes sense to me that all places of communication would respond to the underlying and overt psychic energy of the individuals who create and utilise it.
I also think that arguing with people here, even the nastier back and forths that escalated on private messages, at least for me, has been a good and healthy experience in hindsight. Good for learning personal boundaries and when to engage and when to let go. There were many times in the past I'd read a post by someone and my instinct would be to respond, but my common sense and my intuition would scream 'do not engage, do not fucking engage for the love of God just leave it alone'! Also I learned that I could completely disagree with someone and still find them helpful and even endearing. And vice versa. And it is interesting to say the least when passion and intuition clash with passion and intuition. Ni doms can be so annoying and self righteous. I know for a fact that I have realised this more and more about my self, and am able to laugh it off when I realise how carried away I get. Nothing like seeing your own behaviour reflected in another to dispel those blind spots
