Faith or something of it

[Misty]

I grew up in the Church, but I was always compromising between my Christian beliefs and what I wanted to do. My faith, though somewhat real, was incredibly shallow.

I then, because of my schizoaffective disorder, started to become paranoid. Somewhere along the line, I concluded that if I did not say I was a Christian, I would be persecuted for my faith. I then became an atheist. My mind has always been preoccupied with the worst-case scenario. This continues today.

But I read Psychological Types, and that turned me into a pantheist because I saw the mind's complexity, and it utterly turned me away from naturalism.

Then, I had an encounter with a prophet who changed my life forever. Much of the experience was supernatural. At one point, he asked, "If you call yourself a Christian, you could be persecuted for your faith. Is it worth it?" I had never told anyone about why I was an atheist based on fear of persecution. In fact, I had to put much of my rationalization together after this event. But at that moment, like a super strong ego death, like dying to myself, like the most humbling experience of my life, based on everything he said to me up until that point, I said, "Yes, it's worth it." I faced my greatest fear, and I overcame it.

My faith has been what it is since that time. No more compromise. No more putting my desires for the flesh above Christ. I still sin, obviously, and I still have some vices, but my heart is sold out to Christ. Never been the same since.

This is a good thing. It’s a similar journey to my own, minus the atheist phase, which I totally understand how it happened for you. I’m glad to hear about your final transformation into a faith that is real, Twist.

 

[regrat]

I do not or cannot view God as other than abstract.

I had a hard time growing up because I had no one to tell me what to think or believe.

My mom took my brother and sister to church often but I was just afraid the whole time.

I was confused also because even if I knew bible stories I wasn't capable to looking into them myself.

I have never been an atheist but rather agnostic since nothing spiritual ever happened in my life accept a few things I cannot explain other than as miracles.

It is like this for me where I am alone. But I never doubt that something exists behind things, it is just hard to feel.

Faith is a strong belief as in trust in something that if you hope then it will come through.

Even when nothing seems to show you that there is something, deep down there is something inside you, to keep going.

Many times I could have given up because nothing was there but I had this sense that if I am here then that is the place I should be.

I look at myself as having perspective on what it means to be lonely. That does not make it so I doubt anything. I have learned from it.

This makes me feel I can help those around me, I just need to have less fear of what happened in childhood.

Some people often feel a great connection to what is beyond them and I have been working on doing that.

Whatever it was that was holding me back is gone now.

I just need to feel better in what I have experienced.

Feel the feels and all that.

Many things make me happy even if they were sad sometimes.

INFJ protestant theologian here:
Everyting you wrote here ask the Lord in a prayer. Confess your struggles, confess your weakness, your incapacity to feel it and ask Him to help you to feel it, to know Him..(Mt 7:7) The Lord will not hold your doubts against you, it is ok to have doubts and questions (Indifference is a problem). If you know the Bible only on the Sunday school level, maybe now is the time to upgrade on adult level, by reading the Bible, starting from the New Testament. Also, I reccomend joining the ALPHA course ( different churches worldwide organize it periodically). There you can hear experiences from different people.

 

[meowzician]

If you know the Bible only on the Sunday school level, maybe now is the time to upgrade on adult level

Now that's something I can get behind. I'm actually Jewish, so for example, I'm not going to be studying the New Testament. Still, I think it is a general principle that religions, especially older ones, have a kind of distilled wisdom, but you aren't going to be able to access it if you only practice your religion superficially. This is true regardless of whether one is Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, or Christian. You have tools for your personal growth right there at hand--but you have to actually use them.

 

[regrat]

Now that's something I can get behind. I'm actually Jewish, so for example, I'm not going to be studying the New Testament. Still, I think it is a general principle that religions, especially older ones, have a kind of distilled wisdom, but you aren't going to be able to access it if you only practice your religion superficially. This is true regardless of whether one is Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, or Christian. You have tools for your personal growth right there at hand--but you have to actually use them.

True! Atheist will say that religions causes wars and hatred. Religions don't causes problems, but people with ignorance or with superficial knowledge. People label themselves with certain religion without understanding. And there come warlords and politician who nowadays cannot just say: " Let's attack another country and rob their resources", so they pack their greed into a religion and motivate folks for the war.
And it would be good for the people to inform themselves about other religions in order to better understand and accept each other and to understand the society.

....
So, I suggest you to read at least the Gospel of Matthew, who wrote for Jews. (And in Romans it is written 1:16 - gospel came first for Jews).
I often use rabinic explanation, i.e. jewish perspective to understand the text. Also, I have read Koran in order to understand what is all about. Hope to read Talmud some day.

 

[meowzician]

So, I suggest you to read at least the Gospel of Matthew, who wrote for Jews. (And in Romans it is written 1:16 - gospel came first for Jews).
I often use rabinic explanation, i.e. jewish perspective to understand the text. Also, I have read Koran in order to understand what is all about. Hope to read Talmud some day.

My mother began reading the gospels to my brother and I when I was five. Remember that I was Christian the first 50 years of my life. I have not only read it, but studied it in depth.

I don't want to kill your enthusiasm. I absolutely love it that you enjoy studying other religions. Me too. But the Artscroll Babylonian Talmud is 73 volumes long. Heck, I'm Jewish, and that's intimidating even for me!!!

 

[regrat]

My mother began reading the gospels to my brother and I when I was five. Remember that I was Christian the first 50 years of my life. I have not only read it, but studied it in depth.

I don't want to kill your enthusiasm. I absolutely love it that you enjoy studying other religions. Me too. But the Artscroll Babylonian Talmud is 73 volumes long. Heck, I'm Jewish, and that's intimidating even for me!!!

Yes, I know Talmud is long. That's why I still didn't do it or started