Fed up with modern dating/“quick sex”

MINFJToothFairy said:
To be honest people who are pretending to be cool about it are bound to be seriously fucked up somewhere and in need of psychiatric assistance. But that's me being very J.
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Did their problems create their poor actions or did their poor actions create their problems. Hmmm.
 
Wyote said:
Did their problems create their poor actions or did their poor actions create their problems. Hmmm.
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Some are oblivious to it being a problem though. I call that blissful ignorance. Or sheer badassery. To each their own, I suppose.
 
MINFJToothFairy said:
Some are oblivious to it being a problem though. I call that blissful ignorance. Or sheer badassery. To each their own, I suppose.
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I operate on sheer ignorant badassery
 
Wyote said:
I operate on sheer ignorant badassery
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LOL

I operate on... my god, I don't actually know what I operate on. Hahahaha.

I think I'm sapiosexual and so that makes it very difficult for me to find a match at all. The friend zone is always such a tricky sticky place.
 
People say this ideal stuff, and yet, their actions based in human psychology and physiology are what has created this dynamic. Go ahead and try the slow approach--it has a low chance of success

I tried it with someone I was in love with, and the connection building process was so exhausting that by the time we got to hanky panky, I was nearly over it. People forget that sex is the differentiator of a romantic relationship. One can get emotional connection, support, friendship and experiences from other places. Sex releases oxytocin which produces the chemicals that help create the bond you're looking for

From a woman's perspective, I can see why they might be exhausted from the expectation of causal sex because, for the most part, women are the ones who chose who is having sex, and as mentioned, sex is emotional. I can tell you there is a similar exhaustion from men who put up with shit tests, games and the courting process. Then when sex happens, and men stop, women are SHOCKED that men sort of stop there. It's asinine.

I've dated an ENFP in a romantic relationship, casually dated a few others, and actually really get along with every ENFP I've ever met. I'm not surprised to hear these things, except they are not consistent with their actions. The ENFPs I have dated love to be constantly romanced. You have to keep pushing it with them. Which is fine, I score really high on type 7 and have strong Ne, so I can be up for that, but it doesn't seem to register with them that it's not infinitely sustainable. The ENFP I was dating went from loving me, being a strong parter, not being bored to someone demanding more emotions and sexual freedom. We literally would have sex 40 times a weekend. I'm not joking... 40x. And it was pretty good from both sides. Yet, here they are, wanting more?

Lastly, an ENFP I dated seemed want to always connect on emotions, but then would not like guys who were too lovey-dovey or too feminine. I'm sure there is an intersection that exists where one can balance emotional vulnerability and masculine vibes, but Jesus Christ, it's not rational to think one can toe that line forever. You can't win with them, so what you're left with is what you're experiencing...
 
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Wyote said:
There are lots of tricky sticky places, it's best to avoid those, sometimes they smell funny too
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Loooooooool. Does it smell like bleach, perhaps? Or sour apples? Or apple cider? Hahahhahaha
 
ClevelandINTP said:
People say this ideal stuff, and yet, their actions based in human psychology and physiology are what has created this dynamic. Go ahead and try the slow approach--it has a low chance of success

I tried it with someone I was in love with, and the connection building process was so exhausting that by the time we got to hanky panky, I was nearly over it. People forget that sex is the differentiator of a romantic relationship. One can get emotional connection, support, friendship and experiences from other places. Sex releases oxytocin which produces the chemicals that help create the bond you're looking for

From a woman's perspective, I can see why they might be exhausted from the expectation of causal sex because for the most women are the ones who chose who is having sex, and as mentioned, sex is emotional. I can tell you there is a similar exhaustion from men who put up with shit tests, games and the courting process. Then when sex happens, and men stop, women are SHOCKED that men sort of stop there. It's asinine.

I've dated an ENFP in a romantic relationship, casually dated a few others, and actually really get along with every ENFP I've ever met. I'm not surprised to hear these things, except they are not consistent with their actions. The ENFPs I have dated love to be constantly romanced. Like you have to keep pushing and pushing it with them. Which is fine, I score really high on type 7 and have strong Ne, so I can be up for that, but it doesn't seem to register with them that it's not infinitely sustainable. The ENFP I was dating went from loving me and wanted me in a soulmate, not being bored to then demanding more emotions and sexual freedom. We literally would have sex 40 times a weekend. I'm not joking... 40x. And it was pretty good from both sides. Yet, here they are, wanting more?

Lastly, an ENFP I dated seemed want to always connect on emotions, but then would not like guys who were too lovey-dovey or too feminine. I'm sure there is an intersection that exists where one can balance emotional vulnerability and masculine vibes, but Jesus Christ, it's not rational to think one can toe that line forever. You can't win with them, so what you're left with is what you're experiencing...
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Imagine if men and women weren't having this many difficulties procreating. We'd be multiplying faster than terminal cancer. This is nature's way of surviving. Think of the inability to find love as the nature's immune system fighting for itself.
 
MINFJToothFairy said:
Imagine if men and women weren't having this many difficulties procreating. We'd be multiplying faster than terminal cancer. This is nature's way of surviving. Think of the inability to find love as the nature's immune system fighting for itself.
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It's called protected sex, birth control, plan A B and C
 
Sex is healthy to have when done responsibly for many reasons. Physically, emotionally and others. One can enjoy and experience it without complexity
 
ClevelandINTP said:
It's called protected sex, birth control, plan A B and C
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Surely, birth control will have its limits if people were to want and have sex 40 times a day without fail. If it were a norm, I think there'd be so many more little clevelandINTPs in the planet.
 
ClevelandINTP said:
What a wonderful world that would be
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You have to make plenty more.

Seriously though, isn't procreation a threat to human survival in the bigger picture? Sure I want babies but it seems to me that nowadays people want love and babies for the self and not for the greater good of many.
 
ClevelandINTP said:
Sex is healthy to have when done responsibly for many reasons. Physically, emotionally and others. One can enjoy and experience it without complexity
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Sure. It is. I doubt OP is referring to people doing it responsibly however. At least not emotionally.
 
Dating is not what it used to be.. The apps themselves take away the initial excitement of finding the courage to open a dialogue with someone new. Overcoming that excitement is the first step to prove yourself as someone worthy. When there is excitement there is attraction of a different kind than that gained by looking at some display. By actually meeting the person you access so much metadata thanks to all of your senses and intuition.

One of the most important senses we use when we choose a suitable partner is our smell. There is plenty of studies supporting this. Also p-pills cause distortion in women’s judgement since they affect their ability to recognize the matching smell. The smell helps women to choose a partner whose genes match with their own. Thanks to evolution this was the prio one method to avoid miscarriages and other complications. You can read tons of stories of women who have lost their interest in their partner after they stopped taking their hormones even years after they met for the first time.

To go deeper people have to be able to use the whole spectrum of their senses. Also they need to find the courage to actually go out there and meet face to face instead of hiding behind the display.

Like minded people share common interests so do more what you actually enjoy doing. Perhaps something interesting comes up. ;)
 
MINFJToothFairy said:
You have to make plenty more.

Seriously though, isn't procreation a threat to human survival in the bigger picture? Sure I want babies but it seems to me that nowadays people want love and babies for the self and not for the greater good of many.
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Not always--there are countries that will be underpopulated at some point soon. Humans are wired to survive, and loving themselves is a form of survival which thereby promotes the survival of the species. Therefore, they are having babies for the greater good; they just might not have thought of it the way you articulated, yet. It is possible existential questions arise within someone after things happen
 
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MINFJToothFairy said:
Sure. It is. I doubt OP is referring to people doing it responsibly however. At least not emotionally.
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Sex releases oxytocin and builds attachment regardless. I have never met someone who has never formed any sort of emotional attachment in the process of sex. Even dudes that in are the 100s of partners will still have attachments formed at the macro and or micro level. Macro could also be applied to just the process, thrill of the hunt, novelty or the acts themselves
 
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