[INFJ] Opening up, too much?

Deleted member 16771 said:
April, you are loved, but what I say next is a bit challenging:

You're viewing it as a strength, but that also means you're unwilling to change. If you're getting all this feedback that it's a bit much for most people, then at what point does that 'self-love' simply become antisocial?
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I can see how you'd think that, but it doesn't mean I am unwilling to change. The "self love" was about my ability to understand most situations and being on both sides of the fence on a lot of things, being "contradictory". That is the part I see as a strength, because it enables me to be so very understanding. So very able to emapthize and sympathize and to connect. Edit: I so wish there was a better way to explain this... ugh I feel I'm not explaining it in the best light..

However, the other part, the part which you pointed out in the quote I am now replying to, me overwhelming people.. now THAT is what I am getting the feedback about, and that... I totally do not see as a positive... you're very right, I need to work on it, and it screams desperation and insecurity, which I am trying hard to overcome. I hope you know that I have made leaps and bounds!! :) I hear what people say, even if they do not say it, and I try my best to listen. Which again is why I'm not all the time in people's inboxes asking why they haven't responded to me and every time I find myself wondering... I just redirect my thoughts to a more mature and healthier way of thinking, like "they are just busy, and I am not their first priority, in fact its presumptuous to even think that they would reply to me when I want them to anyways. I hope this clarified what I meant and the difference between the two aspects of me that we are referring to. :)
 
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Aneirin said:
Mostly that I know on a rational level that if somebody isn't responding the way I want them to there isn't anything I can do about it. Instead I will reach out regularly and then wait for them to respond. . rather than just letting it go.
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I used to do that. But I think the few years I have spent on this forum and around the more confident people... have taught me that I don't have to do that. It isn't the type of friendship I want anyway, so why pursue that? If I have to beg now, what will it be like later? Nah, I'm good, thanks. :) I really do have this forum to thank... a few of the more confident people like @Wyote and @Deleted member 16771 you too, lol. And @BritNi and @sassafras and a couple others... in different ways... yeah they have taught me so much and I have grown so much as a result of their interactions.. it's truly something to behold.
 
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Wyote said:
Why tho



Your energy definitely is a strength, and it is beautiful. But is it effective?
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Nope. LOL. But nah I don't actually think me overwhelming people is a strength. I'm not trying for a persistence award lol. But did you see the part where I clarified what I meant was my strength? It's that contradiction-like thing that I fail to explain so miserably... the thing that allows me to see many sides and at times unable to pick sides... ya know like when you don't want the predator to starve but you don't want the prey to die??? Lol that was a joke, and a lame attempt at sort of trying to cover up the fact that I do have trouble picking sides sometimes. But on the other hand... I can pick a side with a fierceness too. It literally just depends. I hate being so complicated for reasons of being misunderstood, but I still think that is one of my strengths and it allows me to see so much more than I could if I weren't this way.
 
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April said:
Nope. LOL. But nah I don't actually think me overwhelming people is a strength. I'm not trying for a persistence award lol. But did you see the part where I clarified what I meant was my strength? It's that contradiction-like thing that I fail to explain so miserably... the thing that allows me to see many sides and at times unable to pick sides... ya know like when you don't want the predator to starve but you don't want the prey to die??? Lol that was a joke, and a lame attempt at sort of trying to cover up the fact that I do have trouble picking sides sometimes. But on the other hand... I can pick a side with a fierceness too. It literally just depends. I hate being so complicated or reasons of being misunderstood, but I still think that is one of my strengths and it allows me to see so much more than I could i I weren't this way.
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I wouldn't know anything about any of those difficulties. Nope.

My point though, was not that overwhelming people was a strength, it was that you direct a lot of energy toward peopling, which may not be the most effective use of that energy.
 
Wyote said:
I wouldn't know anything about any of those difficulties. Nope.

My point though, was not that overwhelming people was a strength, it was that you direct a lot of energy toward peopling, which may not be the most effective use of that energy.
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Yeah... you're right about that. Do you think it's because I withdraw so much in real life? That I people so much on here? I mean it makes sense.
 
April said:
Do you think it's because I withdraw so much in real life? That I people so much on here? I mean it makes sense.
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Probably if you have a lot of "pent up" energy from a lack of outputting any of it into the real world, it's going to get spilled somewhere.
I can't say for certain how you are in person, but if you do feel super withdrawn then that is going to create some dissonance between your natural self and what you are holding back.
So it sounds like infjs.com gets your spillover. Whereas a lot of people use this place as either a place to learn (lulz yea right) or just side engagement or straight up tomfoolery.
 
I think , no I know... I am feeling a bit sad after this. I don't know why... but I know it's kinda there? It shouldn't be. This is good. This is helpful. I don't know why I feel this way. Do I feel more misunderstood? I think so. I feel also maybe a bit upset that I can never explain what I mean and end up talking in circles and all over the place. And that it makes me look crazy and unorganized. There! I think that is it... that is why I am sad. That feeling of being so all over the place and unorganized in my wording, talking in cirlces and being long winded about nothing to arrive at a point that @Wyote or @Deleted member 16771 could arrive at in 3.2 seconds. :/
 
Wyote said:
Probably if you have a lot of "pent up" energy from a lack of outputting any of it into the real world, it's going to get spilled somewhere.
I can't say for certain how you are in person, but if you do feel super withdrawn then that is going to create some dissonance between your natural self and what you are holding back.
So it sounds like infjs.com gets your spillover. Whereas a lot of people use this place as either a place to learn (lulz yea right) or just side engagement or straight up tomfoolery.
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That sounds horrific though! Spillovers? This place means so much to me. It's so hard to think of it as I'm using it for spillover. I mean. My cup always runneth over. I don't know how to feel about this. I have learned so much from here, though. It wasn't my intention but... there are plenty of people who I have learned from.
 
April said:
I think , no I know... I am feeling a bit sad after this. I don't know why... but I know it's kinda there? It shouldn't be. This is good. This is helpful. I don't know why I feel this way. Do I feel more misunderstood? I think so. I feel also maybe a bit upset that I can never explain what I mean and end up talking in circles and all over the place. And that it makes me look crazy and unorganized. There! I think that is it... that is why I am sad. That feeling of being so all over the place and unorganized in my wording, talking in cirlces and being long winded about nothing to arrive at a point that @Wyote or @Deleted member 16771 could arrive at in 3.2 seconds. :/
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It's all relative. You say a lot of super insightful shit that has solid lines of logic. I am a potato in a lot of areas.
 
April said:
That sounds horrific though! Spillovers? This place means so much to me. It's so hard to think of it as I'm using it for spillover. I mean. My cup always runneth over. I don't know how to feel about this. I have learned so much from here, though. It wasn't my intention but... there are plenty of people who I have learned from.
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I didn't mean it as a negative. I was just trying to describe your form of engagement and why it may look like you are more extroverted.
Spillover is great, engagement is great. But the thing you are coming to realize, which is a painful realization, is that you haven't been as effective with using your energy as you could be.
But we all could be better. With a lot of things. Shit's hard though.
 
Wyote said:
I didn't mean it as a negative. I was just trying to describe your form of engagement and why it may look like you are more extroverted.
Spillover is great, engagement is great. But the thing you are coming to realize, which is a painful realization, is that you haven't been as effective with using your energy as you could be.
But we all could be better. With a lot of things. Shit's hard though.
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Yes. Oh, thank you @Wyote It is painful... actually, I had tears and had no clue why or where they coming from, until I talked myself in that circle to arrive at the point of what it felt like... then I realized, and then you worded it so beautifully, as a beautiful potato often does. <3
 
April said:
Yes. Oh, thank you @Wyote It is painful... actually, I had tears and had no clue why or where they coming from, until I talked myself in that circle to arrive at the point of what it felt like... then I realized, and then you worded it so beautifully, as a beautiful potato often does. <3
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You're welcome. That'll be $49.95 k thx bai
 
@Ren I can't forget about you, I learned so much from you too! You are the very first friend I made here, and the very first person I overwhelmed... :tearsofjoy::sweatsmile::sweatsmile:

Really, sorry about that. I really feel for you cause I knew so little about myself those few years ago. But i hope you can see I have grown. I'm not where I want to be, but I am not where I was.

But you were and are ever so gracious, mon ami. Thank you, Ren <3
 
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