@John K
The role reversal is disorienting and never felt "right" to me - i found myself fighting an unconscious resentment.
My condolences again about your father. You must have felt such a mix of emotions at his passing and funeral.
I’m so sorry, and understand why you’d feel unconscious resentment. Even during adulthood we expect our parents to have a certain role, even if we never ask them to play that role.
I haven’t been through this. My dad is still young and it is still funny when he acts childish. Childish for him is partying. Every time I text him he’s off to a party. He’s an introvert, so it is strange that he is so social, but I also know he has grown to dislike being in his own head.
It doesn’t seem like the circumstances are similar. My in-laws were abusive and my MIL is mentally ill. My SO feels a strong sense of duty to be there for them, but he does resent them, too, because they were never decent parents. The dynamic is edging on “normal family gatherings” now that we only see his dad in the nursing home, surrounded by staff. It still stresses my SO out and he acts more dysfunctional after he sees them. I told him to stop visiting his mother as often. She doesn’t remember him anymore, so the visits are of no benefit to her, while they are distressing to him.
It raises an interesting question: What do kids owe abusive parents in terms of elder care?
Regarding you wife:
I want to give you a hug when I read this, but Brits don’t really do hugs, do they? I’m so sorry. It must have been unimaginably stressful and scary. I hope she is living a happier and more balanced and peaceful life now, even though she struggles. A part of you must always be stressed out over this.
Regarding social interactions:
I’m more introverted. We used to host touring bands at our house and we also had a club in our basement for a while, plus touring, and shows (local or away). I played the host – making sure everyone was comfortable, felt wanted, had their needs met, etc. It was a social and extroverted role. I also had many jobs where I had to play similar roles with the public (shop girl, front desk, etc). I did find downtime to recover, but I got burned out often. I’m permanently worn out by all of it now. I can tolerate about two hours of social time now before I implode.
I don’t know if I feel inauthentic with the exception of knowing I am being mistaken for an extrovert. I can have a lot of trouble unscrambling how I feel, and/or don’t care how I feel and shove my feelings aside.
I’m still a weirdo with authority, too, and I’m so afraid of police. I am a goodie two shoes, too.
“Follow Your Dreams”:
Yesterday I saw an inspirational quote that read, “Follow Your Dreams, But Take Your Brain With You.”
Si:
I find your use of Si interesting. Si is in the “Shadowlands” of our stack, so I’m wondering how using Si causes you to fall out of balance. There is always push and pull. Did other functions suffer? How did you cope with the anxiety and irritability?
TBH, I find it so odd that you rely so heavily on Si at work, considering Si isn’t in our top four. I find it particularly interesting that you use Si more often than consciously using Se.
I think Ni is at the heart of mathematical creativity. A great mathematic theory is as beautiful on its own ground as any work of art and the insight that went into conceiving of it is probably closely related to how a great piece of music is created - the people who do the big ticket creating are a rare breed though.
I agree that “mathematic theory is as beautiful on its own ground as any work of art.” I’m not sure if Ni is always at the heart of great mathematic theorists, or that mathematicians are using Ni/Ti. To be a truly great mathematician, one must embrace both theory and practical arithmetic.
“As I get older I'm becoming less tolerant of this need to express my Ni verbally - it's mostly not verbal.”
Haha. As I grow older I have less and less desire to discuss all my Ni thoughts, or debate, talk philosophy, etc. I remember being younger and getting so excited when I found anyone who wanted to discuss deep and interesting topics. The older I get, the less special any of my thoughts seem to me, and I don’t feel like wasting other’s time rambling about them. This combined with my (seemingly) permanent socializing burnout keeps me quieter.
I’m jaded, too. The sensation of trying to discuss ideas with people who are not open to such ideas is awful, and so is the issue of (and I’m not saying this would happen here) men either using our discussions as a way to hit on me, or forming crushes on me because of our discussions. It isn’t worth it.
I don't feel special enough to waste my time opening my brain and pouring it on people's laps anymore.
“And I might well return to Si / Te as a complete change such as by going back to further family history research, or perhaps learning a new photographic computer app.”
Do you believe we can change our stacks?
