Straight INFJ Males

I don't think I've commented on this thread yet so here goes....

I am a straight, INFJ male. I've never had women comment on my sensitivities, and have never had a difficult time attracting women and maintaining relationships; they seem to like my sensitivites. Most of the comments have been from a few men for liking certain music or talking about feelings openly. I've been called gay, twinkle toes, Peter Pan, but only by a few and I call them out on it when I hear them. They can tell I'm serious and usually retract or apologize. I usually find ways to assert my masculinity in my own way to connect with guys, and women too, to show them that I do have a backbone and I'm not afraid to use it. It is just relatively low on my to-do list that I often don't bother most of the time. I like who I am, it gives me a unique view of the world and other people.
 
I'm straight and single :0( sad face is cuz every one woman I meet thinks I'm the perfect guy but for some reason not a single one wants me. Or I should I myself to find every little thing wrong about a woman mentally and think in my head there's no way haha! My ideal woman would be a nerdy/rocker/biker/tattooed/nurse. All those in one!! That is extremely classy but dresses alittle on the scandalous side
 
Delicio said:
every one woman I meet thinks I'm the perfect guy but for some reason not a single one wants me.
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They want you to make the first move, brudda.
 
I have no problem my self attracting women. But when I open my mouth they quickly find out I'm not the arragant ass hole they thought I'd be.
 
Delicio said:
I have no problem my self attracting women. But when I open my mouth they quickly find out I'm not the arragant ass hole they thought I'd be.
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Women don't want assholes. They want confidence. They only seem to gravitate to the asshole types because they're the most straight forward and don't really care, vs regular guys who actually have feelings and fear rejection.
 
Delicio said:
every one woman I meet thinks I'm the perfect guy but for some reason not a single one wants me.
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bordering on assumptive. Who are you to know how the women feel?
 
niffer said:
The same way everyone is enough of an authority on women to know that women want confidence and not assholes.
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well, that's dumb. It's fallacious thinking. I mean, i get what he's getting at, i think, but just because a few women say they like you does not mean every woman that knows you well wants you.
 
Thread's heading off course! Quick!

>.>


Some INFJs are homosexual, but not all homosexuals are INFJ.
 
[MENTION=2240]rawr[/MENTION]
Jimmers said:
They can tell I'm serious and usually retract or apologize. I usually find ways to assert my masculinity in my own way to connect with guys, and women too, to show them that I do have a backbone and I'm not afraid to use it
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It means that sometimes I try to overcompensate.
 
Jimmers said:
@rawr


It means that sometimes I try to overcompensate.
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i guess what im asking is what qualities do you feel show masculinity, or do you overcompensate with? What traits take you from appearing somewhat of an effeminate male to a (more) more masculine one?
 
rawr said:
i guess what im asking is what qualities do you feel show masculinity, or do you overcompensate with? What traits take you from appearing somewhat of an effeminate male to a (more) more masculine one?
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Well sometimes I adopt an ISTPish persona (TiSe) and that usually does it for me. It's usually just a quick or temporary fix if the situation calls for it, especially when I'm with a group of guys. My vocabulary becomes borderline profane. Sometimes the rawness of my actions suprise me and I feel good, but the euphoria wears off quickly and I fall into my comfortable self again.
 
Sorry I should have explained the comment I made better. I've just been told by female friends that I have been very interested in that I seem to be perfect and all they ever wanted but they never seem to want to go past the friend zone. I ment it in that sence. I didn't mean all women in general that's just being arragant and stupid to think that.
 
A bit late... but here it goes...
INFJ Male
I'm straight, and altought in highschool I never had a relationship because I am a Christian, I had never been described as gay by anyone.
I don't seem to have problems attracting girls. I heard that INFJ traits are considered somehow feminine, which I honestly don't believe so. In fact, I consider INFJ to be very masculine.
Nothing wonder me more than remembering my INFJ father thinking deeply about something. Just speechless... Until this day, I honestly searched to find someone which seems more masculine and deep than my father, but I didn't find anyone. I was learned by him what it means to have integrity, honour, physical courage and, most important, moral courage.
So, I had a strong fatherly model, to which I am greatly thankful.
 
Horatio said:
Thread's heading off course! Quick!

>.>


Some INFJs are homosexual, but not all homosexuals are INFJ.
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I read that as All INFJs are homosexuals but not all homosexuals are INFJs....uh....but that was wrong...yea....wrong!
 
My father is an INFJ and has no homosexual tendencies at all, but growing up people thought he was gay because he loved songwriting, rainbows, flowers, and butterflies. He's very deeply connected to God and His creations, but people misinterpreted a few of his passions (wrongly labeled as strictly feminine) to mean he liked boys.
He also happens to love his motorcycles, fishing, off-roading, and shooting. (:
 
Hello all. I am new to this forum. I am no MBTI pro so I apologize for some mistake I may commit.

First I'd like to say it's so good to finally read about myself. I am a straight INFJ male...I've ALWAYS, I mean always, been an introverted kind of guy...And I always knew that didn't mean I didn't like being around people and talking to people...I just felt it was always so demanding, I was always so nervous to talk with other people...there was always this poisoning shyness that betrayed me in a way that hours, days and months later I always wished I would've said many things I didn't say at times...
Also, I was always, and still I am, so preocupied with my social status and my appearance, and I always want people to know that my intentions are good and I want them to like me (extraverted feeling working, I guess?).

About my introverted intuition, I never really knew I had it...I mean, I've always been very good at summarizing things...at getting to the core ideas of things...I always got bored with people who give long explanations, when for me the essential could be said in 3, 4 words with no need for details. Also, I always believe I know someone is good or bad, although I can't justify when someone asks me why...well, actually I can but they wouldn't understand because I would say things like: "I don't like him because of the way he looks at me, because I don't like his smile, etc" which would make little sense to other people. Also, I think I am really good at metaphors and my friends always say I exaggerate because I used them literally all the time. I think I am good at metaphors because I can clearly see the patterns of behavior between 2 completely different things and it becomes a great tool to writing, which I think I am good at.

Sorry for the long intro.
Now, talking about girls...
I am 23 years old. I've never, ever, had someone who I consider my girlfriend.
Please don't call me arrogant, but the impression I have is that very few people can satisfy me completely. And the mini-relationships I had were clearly not satisfying because I was with the wrong people either because of sexual needs, because they were very very intelligent and I only looked at that and got fooled or because they had problems and I wanted to solve them...I was so drained in all of the 3 relationships I had, you can't imagine what it felt like...In total, there were 3 different relationships, and they always disapointted me in the end, and I was so hurt...My friends didn't understand how I could possibly be so hurt, once I didn't call them my "girlfriends" but nevertheless it hurt so much I almost got into depressions myself....It felt as if I wanted to help them so bad, because somehow they all had personality problems, but they didn't want to be helped. And I got mistreated by them. They lied, they were not ethic and I always demanded that from girls BECAUSE I always gave that.

Nevertheless, I think they liked me and considered me fun, caring and masculine. The problem was that sometimes I wasn't willing to commit, sometimes they had other guys in view, and sometimes other things happened. Also, there was one relationship in which I was so obsessed with a girl I absorbed her tastes and started acting like her. I know that seems strange.
I know it seems like a paradox what I have just described but I think it summarizes what I feel about in relationships: I REALLY need to identify with someone. I really need to feel they have the same core values I have. I really need to be appreciated and complimented. I really need them to be someone who cares about society and who cares about how society perceives them. I need them to be intelligent and to have dreams of their own. I really hate to have to explain some joke I make and I really hate to have shallow conversations about some celebrity breaking her nail in the shower.

I will list my "problems" so you can visualize it better:

1. I am too demanding
2. I get obsessed with girls I will potentially be involved with because I want so bad to please them
3. I really get pissed off when they don't share my values.
4. I hate when they don't care about something I want to show them.
5. I hate to have to talk about things I really don't care.
6. I am the worst person in the world to end relationships...I tend to make them eternal...I don't want to hurt someone by ending it, so I tend to delay it...It feels so wrong.

I hope this was useful for you to understand and INFJ straight male. I would really like to know someone like me :)
 
Hello! First time poster here :). Reading this thread really provided some nice insights into my own life and personality. I hope this long post will make others understand us (or themselves better). And to MFMG1990, you are not alone, but you are rare. Which is not always bad ;)

I've recently discovered that my personality type is INFJ. Initally I was convinced that I am INTJ, but something always bothered me (I am an analytical person, but often rely on intuition when making decisions based on my "moments of clarity"). It's great to find this thread ahd realize how rare my personality type is. In the past I've often encountered problems because I assumed people shared my visions and feelings, but am starting to grasp how unique the point of view of an INFJ is.

I'm a straight male. Some guys before me already described parts of my history. I had a nice childhood, didn't have too much fun in high school but enjoyed university. I have learned how to act like an extrovert to the point that a close friend couldn't believe that I am an introvert when I told her. I think this happened mostly because of the need to appear masculine when I was younger. It often helps me land a business/date/benefit/etc. but leaves me drained and self-questioning afterwards (what's the point if you're not yourself?). So the macho/feminine prinicples in me are often in a kind of conflict, but I'm learning to balance them better as I get older.

I had one long relationship (with a girl). She was in a bad situation and I helped her out a lot. It took us 2 years to build a nice life together but when we actually started living it it went south relatively soon. We broke up after three years and a bit of change mostly because of (I think) her becoming colder and colder. I really put my walls down for her and was really nice and caring, and I guess it was too much for her. We almost never talk now and it bothers me because I don't know why she is so distant. I've been single for almost 2 years now and it's not going so well for me. It's easy for me to meet and approach girls, a lot of them like me. The problem is that now I have insanely high standards and am probably expecting a bit too much (looking for a soulmate). I also prefer that women make advances on me but yeah, I'm not that hot of a commodity :) (rarely when it does happen, it's usually not a girl I like). I had a few one night stands but it's not my cup of tea - I don't really see the point of sex if there's no emotions involved. Oh, and it's almost impossible for me to end a relationship. I rather emotionally blackmail the other person to do it (I hate that about myself).

I'm an engineer, working a low paying job at an NGO which is really fulfilling (i fight for my idea) and I think it's the thing holding my life together right now. I'm having some money problems but things are moving in the right direction so it's not hard to persevere. I've always had great work relationships. I do my job well and usually get promoted soon. If it's not for me, I don't hesitate to quit and try something else. I think that my personality might be more suited to a professional than a romantic setting (but maybe that's just my current situation talking). I love giving advice to people and genuinely want others to succeed. I usually mean well and don't have bad intentions even though sometimes bad stuff happens as consequence of my actions. I often feel like the smartest person in the room and sometimes manipulate people (but never to their harm).

To summarize (TLDR :)): INFJ Males have a bit of a conflict between their male/female inner self (yin/yang or what ever you want to call it), are usually good with girls on in short term but long-term relationships can be a problem. They really care about their ideas. I guess our lives really do revolve around them :)
 
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Now, imagine the middle part says "INFJ"
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xyprym said:
To summarize (TLDR :)): INFJ Males have a bit of a conflict between their male/female inner self (yin/yang or what ever you want to call it), are usually good with girls on in short term but long-term relationships can be a problem. They really care about their ideas. I guess our lives really do revolve around them :)
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Well said! I feel that we have a very intimate connection with the feminine side and others who judge us in the moment we are expressing this side of ourselves may categorize us inappropriately.

At the same time we have a very strong masculine aspect, though it comes with time and venturing into the underworld of our psyches.

Our masculinity is in a sense an internal power that impregnates our core that allows us to wield it this power. This is why we need moral fiber and integrity as this power allows us to cut precisely into peoples souls and used inappropriately can carve into bone. But, with integrity and wisdom can be used as a scalpel to remove cancer from others psyches.

Our struggle within is due to facing the pure form of the yin and the yang and by understanding the boundary between the two we understand the nature of human reality. Outer struggles pale in comparison with the battles we have seen within. We are the shamans who reside at the edge of the village and take our rightful seat at the right hand of the chief. Sadly, in our society these days our seat is occupied by another chief that desires nothing more than to grasp the power of the big chief.
 
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