Straight INFJ Males

Cool.

I think I have more inner perspective and reflection than most guys I know or that at least have ever talked about it. Most guys seem to be one tracked in mind. Eat, sleep, find sex, repeat. I on the other hand am constantly contemplating the nature of consciousness and existence and find few people of which to speak with this about. My "guy" friends (I am straight though there is nothing wrong with being gay) just don't seem to care about these things. Actually women dont really seem to either for the most part...
 
Now I may be a habitual limerant and sufferer of Capgrass Delusion, but I must ask your ass: "Are you my girlfriend?" [He doesn't know]
 
(Note after writing/reviewing: I see that I wandered around a bit, so if you don't like parsing through oddly put observations of the INFJ gay-man/straight-man commonality and dichotomy you may want to pass on this post-and I encourage you to do so Joe-cool style-as my narratives can work people's last nerve... btw, the hip-hop paragraph came up thanks to Stan Marsh.)
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Like the gentleman who posted previously, I have not read the entire 18 pages. I did note the gentleman who commented that he was feminine in the subtleties… Or nuance… I probably didn't get it right but… That gentleman is beyond brave, and that makes him most likely a more psychologically macho (a gross word all around, but to make a point) sound individual that his homophobic acquaintances.

I just landed here and I'm already teeming with love for you folk.

I am a 52-year-old gay man and have been out the closet since I was 16, in a small town, in Oklahoma (1978, to save you on the math). My first good group of gay friends was in Fort Worth Texas and they all were stationed at Carswell Air Force Base. I ended up going into the military, because they were standup guys. I envied them so much. I wanted to be as cool headed and socially savvy as they were. It's kind of like: small town Oklahoma plus military equals Bradley Manning, but… I was preparing for the Communist invasion in the 1980s. It was a bull-pucky mission to finance the military-industrial complex, but I felt a real bond and largely with straight guys.

I was kicked out for being gay,… same common story… with a few things I can puff up and make interesting… but can't we all? My straight, barrack's roommate, buddy stood up for me with all his might. He even suggested I move here near him, when I was down and out in Albany NY over a decade later.

Since then my friends have always been largely straight. Usually singular friends in my life. Aside from my husband, that is. And younger. This is the furthest thing from sexual, in fact when their friends make gay jokes "on" each other, I laugh hysterically because the thought of them ... It just doesn't jibe in my head. These guys go way back and are still in my life, far away in many cases.

I'm pretty sure it's my issue, my need for no sexual tension, my assumption that there would be and should be around other gay men… Which you must understand hyperbole could not express the extent to which I realize that it is wrong wrong wrong... But hey, that's how I find comfort, what makes me happy Is a nice nonsports loving straight guy… And, yeah, one who needs some emotional support. Hooray. I love those guys.

One might do a psychological analysis of my discharge in the mid-80s, the pandemic and its effect on my choices in friendship… given the number of friends my age, mid-twenties, who I saw die en masse. But, that's kind of like analyzing why somebody is gay as well - excluding the possibility of a sociopolitical homosexual - who exist - further proving many points towards equality. Don't ask me to list them, I'm speaking figuratively. C.Y.A. always.

Joey says finish, like a new neighbor sitting down at your dinner table and commandeering the conversation. I'll hush now.

Oh, Joey does suggest I mention my obsession with hip-hop. But I'm not so sure that's strange for a middle-aged gay white man. I'm a very curious fellow, know nothing of that culture, and how the heck else am I going to learn without listening to hip-hop. It's a very safe way to experience something I will never experience in person. Xenophobia is bred by fear. Peace.
 
I just discovered this forum today. I've become pretty obsessed with the Meyers-Briggs thing lately. The description of INFJ is scarily accurate, and my wife is ENFJ and that description was also dead on. I don't know how the military and weapons thing got started in this thread, but for me it is strangely appropriate. I'm a very sensitive person but I've always been fascinated with weapons and used to draw all kinds of military vehicles and guns as a kid. I've read a ton of books about World War II and books written by snipers and Hagakure which is about the code of the samurai. I have a samurai sword in my music studio. I abhor violence but I'm very drawn to the telling of stories which contain violence, and the power of weapons. Is this a common dichotomy in INFJs?
 
Im a Infj and Im not gay but i have been bi-curious in the past. But im not attracted to males. I am naturally attracted to women. But I have had family members tell me i have "gay" tendencies. But Infjs period are extremely sentimental. I care too much about everything. Or if i cry i cry hard you know...i dont think these make me femanistic but rather...more in tune emotionally. I could definately see how the two would get mixed though.

But to answer the post...its hard being a Infj Straight Male. One of my X's told me I was like a women in a mans body. She was exxagerating but she said sexually it was like i knew everything to do. Which hit me real hard. Like wtf. But...I understand what she was saying. Sexually i plz her first than me. Emotionally Im clingy, Im possesive, im always asking about "HER" feelings. So i think i sometimes care too much and it looks like...im the female in the relationship. So yeah. But its who i am. Im still a man and can be a duece. But im just in tuned and care deeply for the woman im with. This post kinda helped me not be ashamed of that :)
 
Hey all! Can't believe I've never heard of MBTI until recently.

Straight INFJ Male here.

This is how I'm viewed by my friends:
Males: I'm so gay.
Females: I'm such a girl.
 
When I was in the 8th grade, I was sitting down on a chair during sewing class (mandatory class 8th grade boys and girls had to take), and this INFJ friend of mine who was walking by came up really close behind me all of a sudden and whispered, "You have a mole." >_> This mole is right above my butt (my pants were a little low). This guy was known as a little bit pervy. Nevertheless, we had some interesting discussions, particularly on religion, and I started liking him. I told him I liked him at the end of the year. He told me he thought he was too young to date and besides he liked someone else. Two years later after I had long gotten over him and had gotten involved with other boys and he with other girls, he asked me out. After like a month of deep discussions yet no intimacy or real dates lol eventually he became an ultra hermit and decided to spend his entire summer reading higher level chemistry textbooks without telling me, so we had unspokenly broke up. :D He eventually moved to Asia to get a uni education over there, and he cut contact with all of his high school friends. The only friend from highschool that he's kept in contact with has been another INFJ who was his close friend. I ended up dating this guy briefly as well even though I had basically never talked to him before. I just thought he seemed quiet and nice and so I had the urge to ask him out at the end of high school. At one point during the short time we went out, he randomly stuck a finger up my butt. He also bought me a giant shamu whale stuffed toy from Seaworld; it was several feet long. I never felt that emotionally close to him and decided it could not be and we should end it, but then he asked me to prom and I said ok. Finally, I hurt him and it ended. This sums up my romantic experience with INFJ males.
 
niffer said:
When I was in the 8th grade, I was sitting down on a chair during sewing class (mandatory class 8th grade boys and girls had to take), and this INFJ friend of mine who was walking by came up really close behind me all of a sudden and whispered, "You have a mole." >_> This mole is right above my butt (my pants were a little low). This guy was known as a little bit pervy. Nevertheless, we had some interesting discussions, particularly on religion, and I started liking him. I told him I liked him at the end of the year. He told me he thought he was too young to date and besides he liked someone else. Two years later after I had long gotten over him and had gotten involved with other boys and he with other girls, he asked me out. After like a month of deep discussions yet no intimacy or real dates lol eventually he became an ultra hermit and decided to spend his entire summer reading higher level chemistry textbooks without telling me, so we had unspokenly broke up. :D He eventually moved to Asia to get a uni education over there, and he cut contact with all of his high school friends. The only friend from highschool that he's kept in contact with has been another INFJ who was his close friend. I ended up dating this guy briefly as well even though I had basically never talked to him before. I just thought he seemed quiet and nice and so I had the urge to ask him out at the end of high school. At one point during the short time we went out, he randomly stuck a finger up my butt. He also bought me a giant shamu whale stuffed toy from Seaworld; it was several feet long. I never felt that emotionally close to him and decided it could not be and we should end it, but then he asked me to prom and I said ok. Finally, I hurt him and it ended. This sums up my romantic experience with INFJ males.
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Impressive, especially the pattern of fascination with some body parts. Aren't INFJs supposed to be looking at the spiritual side? Or maybe it's where the soul resides, according to some beliefs...

Anyway, looks like I don't fit the average again. But I will still register here, just in case. Straight, possibly INFJ male here, married to an INFP. It seems that I tend to shift personality. Aquarius by zodiac, dragon / rabbit by the Chinese horoscope. I was a bit of a shut-in until I graduated, and was too shy with girls, a couple of times mistaken for a gay. I suppose it is also a commonality that I appreciate aesthetics and elegance in general: whether it's elegantly designed machinery, weaponry, some art, clothes, human body, organisational structure, or even software.

Otherwise, I am pragmatic and rational, although I can get psycho if a boundary has been crossed.
 
SoulPatcher said:
Impressive, especially the pattern of fascination with some body parts. Aren't INFJs supposed to be looking at the spiritual side? Or maybe it's where the soul resides, according to some beliefs...

Anyway, looks like I don't fit the average again. But I will still register here, just in case. Straight, possibly INFJ male here, married to an INFP. It seems that I tend to shift personality. Aquarius by zodiac, dragon / rabbit by the Chinese horoscope. I was a bit of a shut-in until I graduated, and was too shy with girls, a couple of times mistaken for a gay. I suppose it is also a commonality that I appreciate aesthetics and elegance in general: whether it's elegantly designed machinery, weaponry, some art, clothes, human body, organisational structure, or even software.

Otherwise, I am pragmatic and rational, although I can get psycho if a boundary has been crossed.
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The soul resides in the butt?
 
Indrid Cold said:
I have a samurai sword in my music studio. I abhor violence but I'm very drawn to the telling of stories which contain violence, and the power of weapons. Is this a common dichotomy in INFJs?
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Nah, it's just more of a dude thing. But cool that you've joined the forum! We need more dudes around ...
 
The only person who ever had a problem (at least outwardly) with me being in tune with my feelings and being able to cry and all that nonsense was my ex who moved to the US from Russia....but I'm pretty sure it was cultural. They have very defined ideals of the roles and ways that men and women should act there. I just wasn't "manly" enough for her because I could express my emotions openly...screw her.
 
Skarekrow said:
The only person who ever had a problem (at least outwardly) with me being in tune with my feelings and being able to cry and all that nonsense was my ex who moved to the US from Russia....but I'm pretty sure it was cultural. They have very defined ideals of the roles and ways that men and women should act there. I just wasn't "manly" enough for her because I could express my emotions openly...screw her.
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As someone who lived in Moscow until the age of 15, I can attest it's true. Not 100%, but somewhere around 99%. The mainstream lives by XIX century ideals. And that's funny, generally they are very individualistic but not in the gender roles.

So no need to fret about it.
 
Sup ladies?
h4DB1A2A3


oh, um, right...

Straight IXFJ checking in.

(I've not been in a relationship, so no fun stories to tell...)
 
Puerto Rican, straight, INFJ, male.

I support the OP with his idea and all that it entails.

Btw, how's the group idea going?
 
Straight INFJ male, hooked up for the past 2.5 years with the most awesome INFP woman ever created.
 
Hey all, bi INFJ male.

I've only ever had relationships with girls and within those relationships I always played the role that was needed at the time, though throughout them I was always open with how I felt and tried to keep an open dialogue of what was on our minds and what was bothering us.

However it always ends the same way. The girl wants someone more "manly" and so they cheat and end up becoming some sick perverted things to fall more in line with the stereotypical role of the local woman around where I live almost as an act of defiance against being different.

I refuse to change who I am for the convenience though.

Maybe it's because I'm bi but I honesty don't see much difference at all between the gay and straight guys on here.
 
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