Straight INFJ Males

Rage, as a noun, is a most dangerous thing. Extreme rage can cause the unexplainable to happen. When that has occurred, we learn to control even our thoughts if we can. Over many years, rage is no longer allowed. It is not safe. It is not healthy.

I can become deeply immensed; immersed in a "right vs wrong" situation, but have learned a letter from an attorney is best dealt out than physical reactions or extreme anger. The "right vs wrong" brings me to the starting line more than anything else does, especially when it is personal, and if there are those testing me they would do well to not bother. I am above it, I have learned to take extreme measures to overcome any adrenaline in its wrong place, and have had all the pushing I care to deal with for a lifetime. Those that act physically or verbally abusive toward me are stupid in my mind, or have not learned the art of self-control. Maybe they simply are not able.
 
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You INFJ males, gay and straight, are lucky. You pick up on so much information about people of which I haven't a clue. I'm an INTP and I just don't get people, no matter how much I try. I've made some bad mistakes in life because of my obliviousness. There's an emotional sophistication to INFJ males that confers power that can really make things happen, and happen for the better. I just sit in the background, thinking, but never completely engaging or knowing what's really going on. One of my sons is INFJ and so is my brother-in-law. So, I get to observe INFJ male power in person. My other son is an INTJ, and just like me, although materially successful, emotionally, he hasn't got a clue. We try, but we're just "guys."
 
VH said:
As straight INFJ males, do you feel that you fit well into the male stereotype, and if not how so?
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Another str8 INFJ male. To answer the question, no not really. I get somewhat intimidated by other guys. Most of my friends are girls or gay guys. I feel like I can relate to them better because of the mutual sensitivity factor. I have a small amount of heterosexual males, but they are people I can have deep convos with and also have a bit of a sensitive side. Is anyone here tired of this male "macho" appearance we have to convey when we walk around in society? Like no one can screw with us and get out of our way. What kind of a way is that to go about life? Why not walk with a smile and smile/embrace other strangers, rather than put up such a front. I've never understood that.

One way in which I do sort of fit the male stereotype: I am a sport fanatic! I love playing and watching Football baseball even basketball, soccer or other things sometimes. Sportscenter and ESPN I check nearly everyday. It's something i've grown up with all my life and it's one of the few things I can immediately connect on with the "stereotypical" college male/frat guy haha. Other than that, I tend to be very quiet around these type of guys in group settings.

When it comes to things like using my sarcastic sense of humor, deeper conversations, going on adventures or long skype convos I usually turn to my friends who are girls or my gay friends. I just feel comfortable around them and that I'm not being judged. For example, not being called "gay" because I want to smell the flowers in the park. It would be interesting to see if any other straight INFJ male has these same sentiments.
 
VH said:
It's pretty clear that straight INFJ males are sensitive.

Do you ever have moments of rage?

If so, how does it feel and what tends to cause it in you?
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Do I ever have moments of rage? Definitely - although it is infrequent and rare.

How do I feel? Murderous.

What causes it? Massive departures from good manners, or extremely inconsiderate behaviour - when there is absolutely no good reason for it (including emotional overload/outburst) and when there is no regret, but only an unreasonable continuation of it.
 
VH said:
It's pretty clear that straight INFJ males are sensitive.

Do you ever have moments of rage?

If so, how does it feel and what tends to cause it in you?
Click to expand...

I do have moments of rage. Usually when I feel that I'm in a hopeless situation. I just get so frustrated with myself, and sometimes I take it out on other people ,which I always end up regretting and apologizing for.
When I see someone being continually put down, or if someone is unfairly accused of something, the rage just builds up inside me to the point where I feel I need to do or say something to bring everything to justice.
The problem is, as much as I feel I need to outwardly express my rage, I know that I'm going to feel bad about it later.
 
Ok, I can't resist posting now (after reading everything else). My first official post on the forum and it's under this topic... I'll try not to analyze that too much.

If being married and planning to have kids one day makes me straight, then yes, I am a straight INFJ male. Not to say there aren't many very sexually ambiguous moments which I chalk up to being a side effect of this personality type.

I am decidedly anti-war, have little to no interest in firearms, other than pondering why people would create and use such things. I do, however, like war movies and stores for the dramatic aspect of the stories, not necessarily the war - Band of Brothers, for instance, is my favorite among them and it's hardly a fast-paced action movie.

Being a male who likes classical music, reads classic literature, considers golf and bowling to be ideal sports (to play, not watch) while shunning the idea of watching other sports, being involved in Animal Rights, not eating meat or dairy (vegan), being proficient in the kitchen... and enjoying it, studying Buddhism and being poetically fluent tends to leave me open to a lot (and I mean A LOT) of criticism by most male stereotypes.

I definitely don't mix well with other males many times and a lot of activities I do involve myself in (and I do try to make a conscious effort to be involved since it doesn't always come naturally thanks to that "I") are dominated primarily by females.

So, on one hand I may act more effeminate than a stereotypical male but I prefer the company of women and have only a few, select male friends. Generally, I find men difficult to get along with. Ironically though, it's ENTP types of women I have the biggest clashes with.

On the rare occasion I "explode" on people, it's usually justified. People just usually don't see it coming since I can sit their patiently for days, weeks, months and even years waiting for a situation to change without showing any outward signs of emotion about it. At some point it gets too overwhelming and if you start mixing in an outside catalyst (like a sinus headache) and expose me to that situation... it's not pretty.

It's as if everything I observed, mentioned and tried to change or make people aware of suddenly explodes into an aggressive barrage of words, insults, criticism and actions. I'd say I can usually win an argument in this situation only because people are usually dumbfounded as to where it all "came from".

The worst part is, I can usually tell when its coming and try to avoid contact with people at that point. I've even warned my wife to leave me alone at times. But of course people still try talking/interacting with me.... and it all goes downhill from there.

And then I meditate...
 
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VH said:
New question...

Straight INFJ Males... are you cuddly?

As in, do you have an abnormal desire for cuddling and 'innocent' affection? Do females comment on how affectionate you are when you are in a relationship with them?
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Straight INFJ and male, signing in.

Oh my. You might say I've got a cuddly problem. I'm very cuddly, and I seek out that "innocent" affection in a relationship. I'm not sure what that means, but I feel extremely content and comfortable being physically close to someone, provided I'm comfortable enough with them. This has nothing to do with sexual activity, and I've forgone sex just to cuddle. I think this has gotten me into trouble.

As for the rage thing, I like to think I've got a very long fuse attached to a large amount of high-explosives. The only thing that will make me completely burst is repetitive intentional behavior that makes me uncomfortable or annoyed. For example, I was on a robotics team with a few good friends, one of which was sarcastic. all the time. Constant bad jokes, constant making fun of me and others for what is intended to be humorous, and overall immaturity. It took three days of this, and on the last day with no sleep and a hard building day he lays into me on the bus ride home. I just explode on him, I know where to hurt and I hit him hard. I felt absolutely terrible immediately afterward, and eventually apologized.

Another instance involved an ex-girlfriend who had a habit of forcing me to stay and talk. We would go somewhere alone, we'd be having fun, and we got to arguing. It escalated, and there was no particular issue that hit me but the general situation. I wanted to leave, badly. Thing is, I'm driving and I can't just leave her so I ask repeatedly to go, each request getting less and less polite. Eventually I end up striking the steering wheel multiple times, and shouting a bit. She was the only person to drive physical violence out of me, simply by ignoring my wish to leave.
 
VH said:
New question...

Straight INFJ Males... are you cuddly?

As in, do you have an abnormal desire for cuddling and 'innocent' affection? Do females comment on how affectionate you are when you are in a relationship with them?
Click to expand...

I can't say that I'm cuddly... with the exception of cats. Wherever I go cats seem to come out of the woodwork and end up walking all over me, "kneading" my arm or chest (a kind of funny thing they do with their paws), and then end up curled up on my lap purring. I never resist.
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VH said:
New question...

Straight INFJ Males... are you cuddly?

As in, do you have an abnormal desire for cuddling and 'innocent' affection? Do females comment on how affectionate you are when you are in a relationship with them?
Click to expand...

Oh yes. Cuddle monster. Define innocent? I personally feel that all of my affections for a significant other are innocent. :m075:
 
VH said:
As in a non-sexual nature... as opposed to foreplay, which I'm assuming INFJ guys also excel at. I get compliments on this all the time.
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Why do you spend so much energy into defining your type?....or would I not understand.

It would be nice to see you slow done for a second or two, maybe rest for a little and value yourself for who you are.....if.....just for a moment :P
 
DimensionX said:
Why do you spend so much energy into defining your type?....or would I not understand.
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Simple answer... some kind of neurosis? Long answer, I am not really sure why I'm so obsessed with splitting hairs at this point other than the subject of cognitive psychology fascinates me, and I feel like a fraud if I talk to people about it but can't define myself.

DimensionX said:
It would be nice to see you slow done for a second or two, maybe rest for a little and value yourself for who you are.....if.....just for a moment :P
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That might be part of the problem. I don't value myself much at all actually. Maybe I'm trying to find some measure of self worth by defining myself?
 
VH said:
As in a non-sexual nature... as opposed to foreplay, which I'm assuming INFJ guys also excel at. I get compliments on this all the time.
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Ok, but those lines blur very easily. What starts out as non-sexual can quickly turn sexual, especially when cuddles are involved. I've received compliments on my intimacy, course I think that when it comes to sexual intimacy you really need a large enough block of time for that "all the time in the world" feeling. Course I like to take my time in everything, feel like the world rushes too damn much as it is.
 
VH said:
Simple answer... some kind of neurosis? Long answer, I am not really sure why I'm so obsessed with splitting hairs at this point other than the subject of cognitive psychology fascinates me, and I feel like a fraud if I talk to people about it but can't define myself.



That might be part of the problem. I don't value myself much at all actually. Maybe I'm trying to find some measure of self worth by defining myself?
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I would just like to remind you that there is no such thing as an INFJ or an ENFJ or any other type.

They are useful approximations, not fact. You will never be able to say that you are a certain type with absolute certainty because they don't really exist.

This is the main realisation that will help you to truly understand this sort of thing.

I'm not presuming to say I know more about MBTI than you because I don't but this applies to NLP and other theories as well. It isn't meant to be true.

The human brain is far more complicated than any theory we currently have explaining how it works. The biggest trick is in accepting that there will be times it doesn't apply, recognising these situations and then using something else.

Don't believe MBTI, just use it when it's useful
 
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VH said:
New question...

Straight INFJ Males... are you cuddly?

As in, do you have an abnormal desire for cuddling and 'innocent' affection? Do females comment on how affectionate you are when you are in a relationship with them?
Click to expand...

OH god yes... This is one thing that always won be big brownie points in relationships, I LOOOOOOVE physical closeness, the smell of skin and hair, running my fingers through her hair, my thumb across her eyebrow gently, a soft caress with the back of my hand across the soft flesh on her chin, running my finger nails softly up her back then down to smooth it... soft kisses, deep kisses, back to soft kisses, "soul hug" that real tight one when you can feel another heart beating against your chest.

I like a LOT of cuddle time when there is free time. Just watching a movie, or laying in bed, I like twisting our legs together and looking like tree roots wrapped around each other, talking about silly things like fate and destiny...

yes, I am a cuddler.
 
I'm a cuddle slut =\ My gf is always asking things like "why are you so hug-y?" And I just say "how can you not be!? It's amazing!" heh.
 
Oh God. Cuddly?
I feel as a man looking at the exact opposite of his soul.

Disturbing.


Question, so VH, as I lately established that you are most certainley no INFJ, and after reading DimensionX's and PJ's fine suggestions, I must ask:

Why are you so obssessed with INFJ's?

I can only assume you want to own one.

INFJ's are useless for anything but relationships. Unless you're a NT that enjoys further proof of humanities utter hopelessness;)
 
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