Things you most like and dislike about (being an) INFJ(s)

[Wyote]

– Ni dominance makes us weird. Secondary Fe makes us want to fit in. There is no peace in this.

– We are terrible listeners. This is the INFJ brain while someone else is talking:

lmaooo this is me

 

[Zola]

The whole lets all hate on Fi like it is the bogyman of the era gets pretty old especially when it circle jerks like it is reddit or 4chan ect. There are deep flaws with all the functions one way or another that do make for some horrendous real life experiences.

Right. Like I said, Te/Fi is not the only function that creates problems. Ti/Fe creates problems, too. Just different ones. Stubbornness is the real problem. The inability to be open to conflicting views -- whether they are fact-based or value-based

 

[John K]

Dislikes:

By far the biggest one: when I was a child of seven or eight, I thought that everyone saw the world like I did - except that this isn't something I could possibly reflect on until I was very much older of course. And it's just not true that they did. I found that I was an outsider at school among the other kids - disliked or at best tolerated, and always having to try and be something (someone) I was not in order to fit in. This knocked hell out of me, I was continuously stressed out as a result and couldn't understand why I was so unhappy. I was lucky that both my parents were NF types and home was a safe haven - also as I grew a bit older, I found that I was clever and could get some positive feedback from the adults around me by being clever, with a good dose of Fe to spice it up (again all this only seen with hindsight). It's only looking back now over 60 years later that I can see how being a seven year old proto-INFJ can go badly wrong in a class of predominantly ST types. Frankly it sucked big-time for me!

The next biggest dislike is Ni /Ti looping at 3am, particularly when things are going wrong, or there's a lot at stake - it would be really good if God provided an 'Off' switch. Oh yeah - then there's the loop replaying of past times I've messed up and hurt someone or got into some stupid conflict - these improve with age like a good wine, and I can roll out things from 50 years ago as though they happened yesterday and spin round the same old guilt trip over and again.

Like others have said here, I don't like the way society rejects many ways that we use Ni, and how that forces our Ti to usurp it all too often. I've probably spent a lot of my life acting as an ITFJ
​

Likes:

The sheer magic! As I got older, I realised that most people live in a world that seems to be dull and boring compared with my own - almost as though, metaphorically, I have my own Narnia to go to.

The way I can see how everything within and without is all part of an incredible inter-linked one-ness that's filled with glowing life and light.

I like seeing and knowing things intuitively that can't be fully expressed in words - I do enjoy translating these into words sometimes, or pictures, but it's never more than a perspective. It's a great feeling when I can get enough out for positive feedback on the inner insight from other people.

An interesting one: - I like context shifting, being able to hold different world views at the same time even if they contradict each other. There is an idea that INxJs become stubbornly committed to their inner visions and find it hard to see alternative viewpoints. I think this problem is caused because it takes a lot of mental energy for us to put a complex intuition together and it can't be easily unpicked to accommodate an awkward new bit of input. We respond by jumping to Fe and Ti, which immediately closes down tight on the issue - but this is an acquired response that can be unlearned fairly easily by switching off premature judgement. One way to deal with it is to sleep on something contradictory rather than responding immediately, and let Ni do it's job of synthesis in the 'dark'. Another way is to actually create a separate complex intuitive vision that includes the new information, without any initial judgement, and hold both visions at the same time, switching between them. We can do this any number of times and have many different worldviews once we've got the knack. It's a delightful and rewarding experience letting Ni loose on things like this without contaminating it with F or T judgements - of course they are needed eventually but they should be subservient to Ni not it's master - as I said above, Ti is all too ready to displace Ni given a chance.​

 

[Daustus]

Dislikes:

By far the biggest one: when I was a child of seven or eight, I thought that everyone saw the world like I did - except that this isn't something I could possibly reflect on until I was very much older of course. And it's just not true that they did. I found that I was an outsider at school among the other kids - disliked or at best tolerated, and always having to try and be something (someone) I was not in order to fit in. This knocked hell out of me, I was continuously stressed out as a result and couldn't understand why I was so unhappy. I was lucky that both my parents were NF types and home was a safe haven - also as I grew a bit older, I found that I was clever and could get some positive feedback from the adults around me by being clever, with a good dose of Fe to spice it up (again all this only seen with hindsight). It's only looking back now over 60 years later that I can see how being a seven year old proto-INFJ can go badly wrong in a class of predominantly ST types. Frankly it sucked big-time for me!

The next biggest dislike is Ni /Ti looping at 3am, particularly when things are going wrong, or there's a lot at stake - it would be really good if God provided an 'Off' switch. Oh yeah - then there's the loop replaying of past times I've messed up and hurt someone or got into some stupid conflict - these improve with age like a good wine, and I can roll out things from 50 years ago as though they happened yesterday and spin round the same old guilt trip over and again.

Like others have said here, I don't like the way society rejects many ways that we use Ni, and how that forces our Ti to usurp it all too often. I've probably spent a lot of my life acting as an ITFJ
​

Likes:

The sheer magic! As I got older, I realised that most people live in a world that seems to be dull and boring compared with my own - almost as though, metaphorically, I have my own Narnia to go to.

The way I can see how everything within and without is all part of an incredible inter-linked one-ness that's filled with glowing life and light.

I like seeing and knowing things intuitively that can't be fully expressed in words - I do enjoy translating these into words sometimes, or pictures, but it's never more than a perspective. It's a great feeling when I can get enough out for positive feedback on the inner insight from other people.

An interesting one: - I like context shifting, being able to hold different world views at the same time even if they contradict each other. There is an idea that INxJs become stubbornly committed to their inner visions and find it hard to see alternative viewpoints. I think this problem is caused because it takes a lot of mental energy for us to put a complex intuition together and it can't be easily unpicked to accommodate an awkward new bit of input. We respond by jumping to Fe and Ti, which immediately closes down tight on the issue - but this is an acquired response that can be unlearned fairly easily by switching off premature judgement. One way to deal with it is to sleep on something contradictory rather than responding immediately, and let Ni do it's job of synthesis in the 'dark'. Another way is to actually create a separate complex intuitive vision that includes the new information, without any initial judgement, and hold both visions at the same time, switching between them. We can do this any number of times and have many different worldviews once we've got the knack. It's a delightful and rewarding experience letting Ni loose on things like this without contaminating it with F or T judgements - of course they are needed eventually but they should be subservient to Ni not it's master - as I said above, Ti is all too ready to displace Ni given a chance.​

Aces again John. Being raised by STs did suck. Also I wish I had an off switch, that 3am Ni Ti loop is no joke. I'm starting to pace myself and try to sleep on decisions to give myself time to digest it.

 

[John K]

Aces again John. Being raised by STs did suck. Also I wish I had an off switch, that 3am Ni Ti loop is no joke. I'm starting to pace myself and try to sleep on decisions to give myself time to digest it.

Thanks Daustus - the feedback is really welcome . Working in a leadership role in an information systems career is a very good trigger for looping isn’t it? I loved the variety and the breadth of opportunities to see systems, people and organisations as a whole and to impact on them - but the price is a constant worrying stretch of overcrowded issues and might be’s.

I can forecast intent and behavior to see people as they exist. Warts and all. I see my warts too. I want to help fix people, but as I've matured I'm not sure people are broken or need fixing.

I tend to do this less with individuals, probably because of my childhood experiences with people. I do it at the level of organisations and societies as a whole and where they are headed.

What on earth to do with such insights? They can maybe help if you take on a senior leadership role or become a politician in government - but they can be a trap for the reason you give. Things can’t be forced, and people will follow the rails laid down for them by fate anyway. It takes huge skill, judgement and emotional stamina (dare I say hubris ) to go from seeing future outcomes, whether for individuals or society, to making effective interventions in the present that don’t do more damage than help, or which are simply ineffective - and which mess us up badly as well.

 

[QuirkyLemonFlower]

– We are terrible listeners. This is the INFJ brain while someone else is talking:

I'm so glad I'm not alone in this!!.....also will show this to husband just to get away it when I'm not actually listening and he gets upset lmao

 

[Asa]

I'm so glad I'm not alone in this!!.....also will show this to husband just to get away it when I'm not actually listening and he gets upset lmao

It's so embarrassing because I do care and I want to listen, but I also... ideas!

This is something MBTI people, specifically INFJs, have been discussing more recently and I was so relieved.

 

[Sorn]

An interesting one: - I like context shifting, being able to hold different world views at the same time even if they contradict each other.

So I think and argue again and again with myself. Unfortunately I have noticed that neither my wife nor my boss are able to follow my thoughts. I often playfully accept the arguments of an opponent as my own, only to jump back and forth in the arguments and evidence. My surroundings then think I am crazy, or they cannot rely on my opinion. But I think, that this way of thinking about opinions is the more fair way.

 

[QuirkyLemonFlower]

It's so embarrassing because I do care and I want to listen, but I also... ideas!

This is something MBTI people, specifically INFJs, have been discussing more recently and I was so relieved.

Same!!!

My listening skills only last to a certain amount of time and them my mind wanders....what's worse is my face shows it regardless of how much I hide

 

[John K]

It's so embarrassing because I do care and I want to listen, but I also... ideas!

This is something MBTI people, specifically INFJs, have been discussing more recently and I was so relieved.

Yes ideas, they grow from the seeds the other is saying and they grow into all sorts of interesting shapes that have nothing and everything to do with what they are talking about and oh it's just started raining which sounds a bit like your voice and what shall I do for my lunch have you thought about that and what you just said reminds me of something that happened when I was 10 .... oh yes it's just like foam on the sea and that photo I took caught it and I must go back there and see if I can get another - and did you know that you are talking about something my mum said a few years ago and she did this, but that wasn't the same really, but it nearly was, but if we look at it this way it gets even better, and are you going to be long because I want to tell you all about it ...... except you won't have a clue what I'm talking about, eh, what was that you said .....

This is just a parody of what goes on in my head LOL - you definitely aren't alone

So I think and argue again and again with myself. Unfortunately I have noticed that neither my wife nor my boss are able to follow my thoughts. I often playfully accept the arguments of an opponent as my own, only to jump back and forth in the arguments and evidence. My surroundings then think I am crazy, or they cannot rely on my opinion. But I think, that this way of thinking about opinions is the more fair way.

It's a balance between excess chaos and excess order isn't it. I find that suspending judgement brings insights that would have been blocked otherwise, but it can seem insincere can't it? I try and avoid that by having a home perspective which is my base camp, but even that I allow to flex and change as I experience and integrate new things. There's too much dogma in the world at the moment so I tend to err on the side of chaos personally - in the sense of allowing all my understandings, beliefs and feelings to be conditional, but it would take a lot more to shift some of them than others. I fear excess order more than anything else - people seem to become too old quickly when they latch onto something dogmatically.

 

[Sorn]

It's a balance between excess chaos and excess order isn't it.

This balancing act applies to the entire universe. Order is static. Chaos is indeterminate. We seem to be living on the borderline between both states. The fact that the universe would prefer to move in one of the two directions causes me great, even physical, discomfort. This is one of the things I can't stand at all either. This is also one of the reasons why I like to deal with completely different opinions and points of view. It is one of my greatest concerns to have a broad base of knowledge. That is then again something I love very much.

 

[Jonah Caan]

I like how easy and satisfying it is to be alone, how connected it feels to have instances of aha moments here and there
I dislike the effort it takes to drive, how hard it is to untangle a gardening hose, follow detailed instructions of any kind, do precise data entry, and some weird overwhelming sense of ennui and being drained when trying to normal for too long, feeling like I'm bad at 'life'

x

 

[Jonah Caan]

I'm not sure I'm in a healthy headspace right now. That being said...F it.

I can forecast intent and behavior to see people as they exist. Warts and all. I see my warts too. I want to help fix people, but as I've matured I'm not sure people are broken or need fixing. They're usually midway thru learning lessons or purposely avoiding what I perceive as a problem. I need to let people be. Give them objective feedback if and only if they want it. Let them sort it out. I'm dented and cracked and mundane as the next unicorn. Last thing I need to do it start poking around creating more problems.

This is pure wisdom; thank you for sharing this man.

I wish you better days and clarity; take care.

 

[Jonah Caan]

I like understanding people on a much deeper level than many others.

I like being introverted.

I love/dislike (hate is too strong a word) my level of empathy, it's too deep and I wish I had the strength to just switch off at times but it never works, I care too deeply and I need to stop doing that with everyone and let people be. I only do this with people I've not developed any kind of emotional connection with but even then the caring comes out.

I dislike over thinking and how I miss very detailed things because I'm over thinking everything under the sun and then my brains about to explode.

Don't end up disliking your empathy because of your lack of boundaries in relationships (something I'm still working on too).

Don't close your heart up because of other peoples' weakness; what else do we have then?

 

[Jonah Caan]

Most of the time I pack my hunches into questions.
I do not say: This is how it will happen if you continue as before. But rather like this:
What do you think happens when someone makes these and these decisions in his life?

I love this approach! Cannot wait to try it next time; thank you

 

[ESC2367]

What i do like... My mind happens to come up with pieces of music at any given moment...

What i do not like... I am often quiet due to the lack of know how to speak, Not being able to use the phone, being misunderstood, being taken advantage of from mean toxic people. The Brain decides it's always the best time to wait till i am comfortable in my bed to come up with lyrics only to be followed by thoughts of some random event that clearly is meant to make me wide awake out of either depression, frustration or embarrasment.

and lastly... i am kinda in the middle where i like and dislike... being a living lie detector. o and also seeing several futures of someone's life...

 

[yokai]

I despise the fact that my voice leaves me when I'm angry.
The written word is so much more comfortable when it comes to expressing emotional upset.

I dislike that to others, I often appear to be 'not on their side' because of the perpetual devil's advocate tendency
being able to see more than one angle in a situation and relate to all of them.

 

[Sorn]

I dislike that to others, I often appear to be 'not on their side' because of the perpetual devil's advocate tendency
being able to see more than one angle in a situation and relate to all of them.

I was just wondering, wouldn't it be a sensible tactic for us, if we agree with the interlocutor in
order to strengthen his self-confidence and the connection to us, but secretly are quite the
devil's advocate, who helps us to perceive things from another point of view as well. However,
could this still be seen as honest behavior? People do not believe us when we can represent
different views at the same moment. For us, this is our way of investigating and understanding things.
It would also be very exhausting for me to say to my interlocutor only what he wants to hear.
Of course, it depends again on whether the interlocutor only wants an emotional connection with us,
or whether he is also willing to look beyond his horizon.

 

[yokai]

Of course, it depends again on whether the interlocutor only wants an emotional connection with us,
or whether he is also willing to look beyond his horizon.

You're absolutely right in this, I think.
Much of the time others doubt my ability to see more sides to a situation than is presented,
and I often get blamed for making 'leaps' and sternly instructed that I must 'take things at face value'.
I struggle to explain to the individual(s) in question that it's simply not how my mind works,
and that to shut it off is denying a core part of how I function.

It bothers me, because it feels that unless I agree with them or see only their point of view
I'm somehow subpar or insufficient.

I say fuck 'em.

 

[Sorn]

It bothers me, because it feels that unless I agree with them or see only their point of view
I'm somehow subpar or insufficient.

I say fuck 'em.

Yes, we also have an extreme need for harmony.
But many of the "others" don't have that. We know that the world is so complex and
convoluted that you can't give simple answers. Now, unfortunately, in order to talk to
the so-called "normals," we have to adapt. Because they can't. We are able and have
the skills to do so. The others are stubborn and insist on their opinions. That's why I
think it's up to us to compromise here. I don't mean that we have to side with the lie.
We can only try with patience and repetition to lead the other on alternative ways.
But I also have to admit that I myself often lack this patience and tend to despair.