Things you most like and dislike about (being an) INFJ(s)

Sorn said:
Yes, we also have an extreme need for harmony.
But many of the "others" don't have that. We know that the world is so complex and
convoluted that you can't give simple answers. Now, unfortunately, in order to talk to
the so-called "normals," we have to adapt. Because they can't. We are able and have
the skills to do so. The others are stubborn and insist on their opinions. That's why I
think it's up to us to compromise here. I don't mean that we have to side with the lie.
We can only try with patience and repetition to lead the other on alternative ways.
But I also have to admit that I myself often lack this patience and tend to despair.
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This is one of my pet peeves that some people have to compromise who they are in order to adapt while the normies don't have to change much at all and one is expected to go the whole way while they don't put any effort at all to meet half way. Keeping harmony with them is not only difficult it is also incredibly exhausting never mind invalidating that one can't be their own person at times with there being pressure to just conform. I honestly hate it even if that meant burning bridges if it came to it as I rather at least have some small measure of freedom.
 
I dislike that I’ve healed serious emotional wounds on my own and that has made me less sympathetic to people who seem to always need a shoulder to cry on to heal. Perhaps if had needed that codependency to get over my hurts, I would be a better comforter. It could also have to do with being a male in society where we are expected to heal on our own, cause we are “real men” or something. I get confused when someone is crying a lot, am I supposed to let them be or hold them and for how long? I hate that I really want to say to them, “come on, your stronger than that shit.”
 
InfernoMink said:
I dislike that I’ve healed serious emotional wounds on my own and that has made me less sympathetic to people who seem to always need a shoulder to cry on to heal. Perhaps if had needed that codependency to get over my hurts, I would be a better comforter. It could also have to do with being a male in society where we are expected to heal on our own, cause we are “real men” or something. I get confused when someone is crying a lot, am I supposed to let them be or hold them and for how long? I hate that I really want to say to them, “come on, your stronger than that shit.”
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this is the exact reason i cannot cry even when i want to... even on hormones...
 
InfernoMink said:
It could also have to do with being a male in society where we are expected to heal on our own, cause we are “real men” or something. I get confused when someone is crying a lot, am I supposed to let them be or hold them and for how long? I hate that I really want to say to them, “come on, your stronger than that shit.”
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On a personal level, I absolutely hate this stigma.
Men have feelings too and they are just as valid as that of women / others.
As a result of it, I've seen a lot of men close to me in my life who are
absolutely incapable of releasing their emotions.

My best friend couldn't even cry when his mother died. Still hasn't.
And it's clear he's still holding on to it.
Unsurprisingly, he too is an INFJ.
 
We are forced to live in a society that does not accept us.
That hurts. We, of all people, are supposed to endure it.
We who, in my opinion, can feel emotionally much deeper than other people.
But do we have an alternative?
We can, as usual, retreat into our shell and whine to ourselves about how bad the world is.
We could say, let them do what they want.
But I can't do that either.
Always torn between "save the world" and "let them run to their doom".
 
yokai said:
On a personal level, I absolutely hate this stigma.
Men have feelings too and they are just as valid as that of women / others.
As a result of it, I've seen a lot of men close to me in my life who are
absolutely incapable of releasing their emotions.

My best friend couldn't even cry when his mother died. Still hasn't.
And it's clear he's still holding on to it.
Unsurprisingly, he too is an INFJ.
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We men do that to each other. “Don’t be a pussy”, “man up”, “get over it”, “grow a backbone”, “stop being a bitch.”
But what were we supposed to say? “Hey man come on let’s throw on some boxing gloves and you can take out your anger on me?” lol.
 
InfernoMink said:
We men do that to each other. “Don’t be a pussy”, “man up”, “get over it”, “grow a backbone”, “stop being a bitch.”
But what were we supposed to say? “Hey man come on let’s throw on some boxing gloves and you can take out your anger on me?” lol.
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That's a good damn question, and I honestly wish there was some sort of universal answer
that would really fix it overall. I've got some really hot takes on this subject and
related ones I may voice in some form later.

That aside. This particular video I've linked in a place or two on the forum speaks
to how important it is for men to support each other.
( Also it's a damn good song.)

 
InfernoMink said:
I dislike that I’ve healed serious emotional wounds on my own and that has made me less sympathetic to people who seem to always need a shoulder to cry on to heal. Perhaps if had needed that codependency to get over my hurts, I would be a better comforter. It could also have to do with being a male in society where we are expected to heal on our own, cause we are “real men” or something. I get confused when someone is crying a lot, am I supposed to let them be or hold them and for how long? I hate that I really want to say to them, “come on, your stronger than that shit.”
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Run across shit like that usually boomers talking down to people with real problems like war vets with life long ptsd with "man up" and "just get over it" ect. More than anything those with such lines of thinking are just empty shells who've never felt human emotions in perhaps decades if ever and they sure do make living in society that much harder.
 
SpaceAlien said:
I like having a rare percentage of 1.5
which makes me , and all of us rare.
And I deslike having much information that I cant share with anyone.
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You can do whatever you want, there are just consequences for it
 
Roses In The Vineyard said:
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I watched this last year and as you can see in this mini-synopsis, I meant to give this a full review for a film club im part of but then covid hit and I forgot about it.

Tread (2020) ...4/5... Documentary about Marvin Heemeyer who in 2004 fastened a bulldozer with steel and concrete and went on a destruction rampage of his small Colorado town and those he felt responsible for his "misery"...honestly I will be giving this a full review because I have some choice things to say about Marvin. The reason you might have not heard of this story was because that same day, Ronald Reagan died and that took over the newspapers and newscasts. It was interesting seeing how this rampage came to be.
 
InfernoMink said:
I watched this last year and as you can see in this mini-synopsis, I meant to give this a full review for a film club im part of but then covid hit and I forgot about it.

Tread (2020) ...4/5... Documentary about Marvin Heemeyer who in 2004 fastened a bulldozer with steel and concrete and went on a destruction rampage of his small Colorado town and those he felt responsible for his "misery"...honestly I will be giving this a full review because I have some choice things to say about Marvin. The reason you might have not heard of this story was because that same day, Ronald Reagan died and that took over the newspapers and newscasts. It was interesting seeing how this rampage came to be.
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Do mention me when you do? I'd be interested to hear your review and watch the film at some point, too. I've since added it to my watch list. :openmouth:
 
I hate:
Being sensitive to negativity
Feeling alone
Being misunderstood
Avoiding reality
Feeling overwhelmed
Feeling overstimulated
Not permitting touch
Rejecting my softness in favor of strength
Protecting myself from pain
Being awkward and self conscious
Feeling more than others
Ni going haywire when I need sleep
Being used and abused
Fearing rejection
Feeling superior
Feeling ostracized
Feeling invisible
Feeling lost
Feeling
Overthinking
Idealizing people
Being so hard on myself
Not feeling empathy for myself
Caring more for others than myself
Ignoring my needs
People pleasing
Simmering rage
Being subjective
Mothering everyone
Wanting love
*to name a few too many*

I love:
Having a vivid imagination
Having a big bleeding heart
Being kind
Doing the right thing
Telling the truth
Being a terrible liar
Going against the grain
Challenging falsehoods
Opening closed minds
Having a strong work ethic
Having a strong moral code
Equating sex with love
Seeking depth
Being dark
Being charming
Being calming
Being a confidant
Being trustworthy
Being mysterious
Sharing
Being compassionate
Being humorous
Being witty
Helping
Being conscientious
Learning
Growing
Pushing myself
Ni
Attracting cool people
Expressing sentiment
Being spiritual
Being modest
Being loyal
Being a badass
Alluring
Listening
Giving
 
The whole guy thing and showing emotions is hard. I think a partial solution is to have an inner circle where one can be vulnerable. Even so, I would be reticent to show very much emotion. But, I can certainly at least talk about how I am feeling and why.
 
o2b said:
The whole guy thing and showing emotions is hard. I think a partial solution is to have an inner circle where one can be vulnerable. Even so, I would be reticent to show very much emotion. But, I can certainly at least talk about how I am feeling and why.
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I honestly would prefer society not put so much pressure on men when it comes to this where in many instances even basic emotions are not allowed resulting in people having explosive anger issues, rage, depression, suicide, and the list goes on. Those who bypass and put this off eventually do end up paying the piper one way or another. It is like not paying one's bills and taxes that eventually there is a rude awakening.
 
I think it's about survival of the fittest.
This way of thinking is stuck in people.
Not only in men.
Even women feel more attracted to the leader,
and want to have their offspring from the strongest and most intelligent.
Only he can protect the family.
Good to the person whose partner has already evolutionarily arrived beyond this phase of development.
 
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