Unhealthy INFJ

I have yet to meet someone I clearly can identify as INFJ in real life, although I've met INFPs, ENFP's, and ENFJs. I do try to listen well to constructive criticism, and this is what i've heard. One of the best lectures I ever heard on the MBTI, after listing all the neat things about NF's, said that we have one huge flaw: LAZINESS. It seems we are prone to make excuses for why things don't get done, and we don't take responsibility for our own moods. Now I really do have difficulty managing the practical things in life. It is true that I'm sick and on disability. But in the back of my mind is always this possibility: are the dishes unwashed because I feel nauseous and tired, or because I'm lazy? I bet you that an SJ who feels sick still manages to get the dishes washed.

How do I act under stress? I become a poor example of an ESTP. When I used to post at the Dove Cove INFJ list, they called this the INFJ "Gripp." I want to go out and party. All the colors and textures in the mall scream "BUY ME!" I'll compose music on my piano. I'll buy a ton of flowers and candles that I don't need. I'll pack a few clothes, take my credit card, and say, "I have no idea where I'm driving, but boy am I having fun."
 
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Depends on the stress or pressure, If someone is creating it to get effect I react badly (not in their favour anyway hehe). Otherwise I love it, can be addictive. It was the opposite when i was younger.
 
Honestly

I've not experienced an unhealthy INFJ irl.

BUT LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT UNHEALTHY ISTJS LIKE OMIGAWD
 
Ummm... I get impulsive, wreckless, obsessive. I also go through periods where I become a shut in, barely communicate with anyone, sleep all day, stay up all night. Watch a ton of movies in isolation, cut. I go through manic, high energy periods where I am non-stop cleaning, cooking, organizing. I have also thrown myself headlong into several bullshit unrequited "love" relationships. There is a lot of avoiding. Avoiding reality, bills, hygiene, people, cleaning... avoiding living.
 
Zero Angel said:
Generally the worst INFJ traits one could have are:

- Judgmental of everyone
- Hypocritical -- has a stated value system upon which he may judge others, but does not follow it.
- Manipulative of others (everything has an ulterior motive)
- Plays the victim role a lot
- Way way way touchy, ready to go on the offensive at any time
- Muted. Nothing comes out.- Overly subjective. Makes predictions about people, but a lot of them are polluted by the INFJ's emotional state.
- Too people pleasing. This extends beyond the INFJs wish for the greater good (health and happiness for all) and is simply done because the INFJ doesn’t want to anger anyone -- therefore he will become locked into pleasing the wrong people. This contributes to the INFJs negative state.- Fearful. Is ineffective because he cannot take action out of fear of rocking the boat. May also incite anxiety in others due to his own anxious state.
- Egotistical. Takes offense at anything which may threaten said INFJ's ego (such accepting another person’s help because it will make the INFJ feel inferior)
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I can relate to pretty much everything in this post. (bolded the ones I could most relate to)


It depends on the type of stress/pressure - Sometimes I flip out... I hand through a door or wall has happened more than once -and/or I become very depressed and closed off (I hate showing my emotions to others). On the other hand I think I operate pretty well when under environmental; stress, threats, and pressures. I also have trust issues that I don't think are fixable; I tend to think that I'm the only one I can ever really trust/depend on.
 
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when im under alot of stress i seem to be on edge i get mad really fast for no reason i push every one away
 
firefighter-frankie said:
when im under alot of stress i seem to be on edge i get mad really fast for no reason i push every one away
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This, although it is usually brought on by emotional stress. When I have a lot of work to do, such as school projects, as long as I stay busy, my mind tends to push my emotions into the background, at least temporarily.
 
Quinlan said:
What's the most negative example of an INFJ you've encountered?
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Self destructive, emotionally abusive, dependent on others for approval, lacks emotional independence, attracted towards the negative, limited focus, biased, advocates double standards, physically aggressive, plays the victim (blaming others for their problems rather than seeking solutions). This is an example based on my INFJ sister who has severe depression, suspected by psychologists to have BPD, and has been in and out of mental hospitals. She's four years older than myself.

Though I love my sister (as a younger sister), I wouldn't live with her. I don't think I would survive very long.
 
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Zero Angel said:
Generally the worst INFJ traits one could have are:

- Judgemental of everyone
- Hypocritical -- has a stated value system upon which he may judge others, but does not follow it.
- Manipulative of others (everything has an alterior motive)
- Plays the victim role a lot
- Way way way touchy, ready to go on the offensive at any time
- Muted. Nothering comes out.
- Overly subjective. Makes predictions about people, but a lot of them are polluted by the INFJ's emotional state.
- Too people pleasing. This extends beyond the INFJs wish for the greater good (health and happiness for all) and is simply done because the INFJ doesnt want to anger anyone -- therefore he will become locked into pleasing the wrong people. This contributes to the INFJs negative state.
- Fearful. Is ineffective because he cannot take action out of fear of rocking the boat. May also incite anxiety in others due to his own anxious state.
- Egotistical. Takes offense at anything which may threaten said INFJ's ego (such accepting another persons help because it will make the INFJ feel inferior)

A great deal of these are traits that I have observed in myself and my father when we are undergoing any kind of emotional bullshit -- as well as some are extrapolated from other sources.

Some of the passive unhealthy traits do not manifest in the more assertive INFJs, and some of the judgemental traits do not manifest themselves in the more passive ones. But this is generally the spectrum I've noticed.
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+1
 
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Matariki said:
Self destructive, emotionally abusive, dependent on others for approval, lacks emotional independence, attracted towards the negative, limited focus, biased, advocates double standards, physically aggressive, plays the victim (blaming others for their problems rather than seeking solutions). This is an example based on my INFJ sister who has severe depression, suspected by psychologists to have BPD, and has been in and out of mental hospitals. She's four years older than myself.
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I definitely don't think that INFJs are compatible with most people, and this is at least partially because they don't really stand up for themselves and thereby attain a sense of peace that allows them to relate to others effectively. They make it difficult on themselves to achieve a sense of Self, because many of them keep upholding the views of their community.

Ironically, this is precisely because they fail to be "subjective". They fail to check how they themselves feel and allow others to bully them. I actually have an INTP friend I was emotionally dependent on for a while, and I've had to back away. I wonder how long I'd be able to get to a point when I would be healthy enough to let go of that friendship.

I think INFJs who have a religious devotion tend to be less lacking in emotional independence, in the sense that they are relying on their God or Higher Power to sustain them.
 
I actually have an INFJ friend whom I used to hang out with. A lot of times, he seems people pleasing yet often upholding idealistic moral/religious standards. (No doubt, I also held similar views.) I really didn't know how to hang out with him, because he was so indecisive. He seemed very uncomfortable with himself, and vice versa. He was a good mirror for me, because he was very intellectual/analytical, and I saw that this was sometimes "irrelevant" to others.

Incidentally, I don't think intellect and overanalysis - while unhealthy - is nevertheless a part of the INFJ, and I have learned to accept this part of myself. A great many people don't enjoy the intellectual or analytical things I say, but some do. And I've learned to seek out the healthy friendships where dialogue is comfortable and friendly rather than clinging to friends who aren't going to give me the positive feedback that I enjoy.

Of course, if you think about it, many types of people are hypocritical in some sense, so I wouldn't necessarily feel too bad about this... though I have had to let go of my own standards of inward/outward perfection.
 
Saru Inc said:
Honestly

I've not experienced an unhealthy INFJ irl.

BUT LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT UNHEALTHY ISTJS LIKE OMIGAWD
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Interesting. I have a roommate who I type as ISTJ. Your statement is exactly my sentiment.

I do think there are unhealthy INFJs, and I have been one of them. I know an ENFJ who I find a bit blunt for my taste, but congenial enough. I can't think of an ENFJ who would find me objectionable, so I can see why you may not have experienced an unhealthy INFJ. In fact, one person - whom I typed as ESFJ or ENFJ - seems to look to me as some kind of pillar of self-actualization and seems impressed with my career goals in the humanities.
 
Your statement implies a strong admiration for INFJs (or Introverts in general), as evidenced by your frequent association with them (despite the negative connotation of such terms as "hermit" and "anal"). Your fascination with INFJs probably has more to do with the difference in how INFJs use Intuition (linearly as opposed to globally). Incidentally, it could be argued that my past associations with ENFPs have been unhealthy because of the neurotic NF-NF connection, magnified by the complement of the I-E and J-P polarities. While ENFPs may indeed have a way of invading my emotional space, but I've noticed that I have the same "ability" toward them - and not even consciously. For example, I was able to talk to an ENFP friend for hours after a social event is over. I wonder about the meaning of such an ability for these two types to provide attention to others in a focused way for long periods of time, although I prefer to give this attention to INFJs, INFPs, NTs, and ESTs with whom there is an obvious personal boundary line that is easily drawn. That unhealthy INFJs are particular/anal may have less to do with a state of psychological health and more to do with an intolerance for many kinds of social stimuli. I know that there are activities that I prefer over others. This is a mere Introversion stance. Paradoxically, this particularity/picky-ness seems to explain that I can get along very well with ENTPs, ESTJs, etc, because some of these types are also enjoy focused one on one interaction quite a bit. So perhaps the careful selection of friends can actually be a strength when the INFJ is considering his/her own preference for one-on-one interaction.
 
purplecrayons said:
Ummm... I get impulsive, reckless, obsessive. I also go through periods where I become a shut in, barely communicate with anyone, sleep all day, stay up all night. Watch a ton of movies in isolation, cut. I go through manic, high energy periods where I am non-stop cleaning, cooking, organizing. I have also thrown myself headlong into several bullshit unrequited "love" relationships. There is a lot of avoiding. Avoiding reality, bills, hygiene, people, cleaning... avoiding living.
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Well dang, sounds like you and I have some things in common except I stopped cutting and haven't tried the unrequited "love" relationships...well, I mean I'm usually the one who is in love by myself but I think you mean going with people you aren't in love with to numb yourself or, at the very least, to provide some momentary pleasurable distraction. O, and I call the "shut in" thing when I "drop off the planet" but it's the same concept. I hope you have someone in your life (that you don't avoid) who welcomes you with open arms even when you have been avoiding hygiene lol. Come and give me a hug stinky!! If I didn't have to work I swear I'd be one smelly shut in myself lol. Hang in there sweetie. You're not alone even when you're alone :wink:
 
I like what @Zero Angel said in response to this question. I can relate to a lot of that.

Currently my most negative trait is a kind of social phobia which, to some extent, is robbing me of valuable. practical, and/or, necessary human interaction.

I don't know if it's an INFJ thing but sometimes I give so much of myself that I eventually end us resenting the receiver for either not giving anything back in return or for not appreciating my sacrifice. I think it's connected to a warped picture of other people's needs and my place in life. Sometimes, beneath the veil of selflessness, I may be trying to get some inconspicuous need of my own met. Perhaps I want to be needed or I want to secure my position as a hero of sorts in a persons life. I'm probably a control freak on some level.
 
knight in battle said:
That unhealthy INFJs are particular/anal may have less to do with a state of psychological health and more to do with an intolerance for many kinds of social stimuli.
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Yeah, I guess I probably wouldn't even get to know what INFJs are like when they are in an unhealthy state.. (because they are such hermits)

I do admire INFJs. Those traits I mentioned are more just the socially unacceptable traits of INFJs, whether healthy or unhealthy. I would think a more integrated INFJ would have these downplayed.
 
yeah niffer i think those qualities are a problem and have to be integrated properly but basically they are part of being who i am in my healthy state for me. (i know that probably sounds terrible. but for example batshit goes with creativity and anal goes with getting things done.)

i think unhealthy infj is kind of worse actually. for me closer to what GracieRuth mentioned. extraverting too much. delighting in sensory information to the exclusion of any other thing. becoming selfishly careless about he feelings of others. not taking care of property or self. attacking the self, doing self-destructive things.

and then getting further into extremes of unhealth there is the infj dark side. passionate fury and rage, tendency to become possessed with hatred. destructively pulling apart the personalities of others. feeling a certainty in own rightness and unable to compromise or perceive other perspectives. yummy things like that.
 
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