"weird" INFJ

@Ren That's okay, you did reply, that's what matters!

You make some great points, and I think you may be on to something here. :p

I think that the uncertainty comes from a lack of experience with relationships. If people don't say that they are interested in me, I must not be interesting. I see myself as interesting, and that I have so much love to give, and that the right person could not be happier with me. But I still have low self esteem. I have never been a beauty queen. I was obese most of my life, still am a little. I never had that many guys lining up toget with me because of that. I knew if they could get post that, or even like it, then they could see I was worth it. Maybe that is why I overcompensate with personality...

Edited bc I accidentally posted only part of my answer.

I find it very hard to explain but, all these things are me. I'm so complicated, and contradictive. It's hard to know what I think, because I think so many things. I do have low self esteem, but on the other hand if someone could get past my looks, they would find a beautiful person bc I know I am different than most. Im just unsure of what others see in me, not what I see in myself. Maybe that is the INFJ in me. People are shallow mostly, in my experience. And that's why I'm unsure of myself. I care too much about what they see.

Now, if I looked like a model, and had guys and girls lined up to get with me, maybe my opinions would change. But idk if they would. Would I not then get tired of the shallow people then too? Lol see... I don't know anything for sure and the more I think about it, I'm just glad I don't look like a model bc it weeds out the people who are only interested in looks. But I do want to feel beautiful. Maybe that's another reason I stay in a bad relationship. He tells me all the time how beautiful I am and he can't keep his hands off me. Lol.
 
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@Ren thank you for the kind words, from the bottom of my heart. As an unhealthy INFJ it seems I am too self absorbed. Well, I'll be honest. I'm scared that's the way I come across on here. I want nothing more than to fix that about myself. I see so much "I", "me" etc in what I post and it makes me very uneasy.. :(
 
April said:
@Ren thank you for the kind words, from the bottom of my heart. As an unhealthy INFJ it seems I am too self absorbed. Well, I'll be honest. I'm scared that's the way I come across on here. I want nothing more than to fix that about myself. I see so much "I", "me" etc in what I post and it makes me very uneasy.. :(
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Don't thank me @April, I really feel for you and I completely relate to the "I see so much I" bit. I'm also a pro when it comes to beating myself up for just, well, wanting to take care of myself basically. If really wish you could be completely comfortable with the idea that you can use "I" and "me" as much as you want here, and the people will never ever infer from that that you're narcissistic or self-involved. If they do, they're just as**les or insecure themselves. You're already feeling strongly inside, it's unfair that you should feel bad about feeling bad on top of that.

I'll answer your other message, of course, but I have a few things to do right now so I'd rather wait a bit and give it the time I want to give it :)
 
:) Thanks @Ren it means so much! I look forward to hearing from you again, even though this thread has been hijacked. :/
 
April said:
People are shallow mostly, in my experience. And that's why I'm unsure of myself. I care too much about what they see.
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It's because of the way this society works, but once you see behind it, that ought to go away. Everyone is in some way unsure of themselves, it is rather rare that someone isn't. I take comfort in that.

April said:
Now, if I looked like a model, and had guys and girls lined up to get with me, maybe my opinions would change.
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Nope. You'd probably still be the same person underneath, and only use your looks to assimilate and disappear in the crowd. But you'd have other problems, yes.
 
April said:
@Ren That's okay, you did reply, that's what matters!

You make some great points, and I think you may be on to something here. :p

I think that the uncertainty comes from a lack of experience with relationships. If people don't say that they are interested in me, I must not be interesting. I see myself as interesting, and that I have so much love to give, and that the right person could not be happier with me. But I still have low self esteem. I have never been a beauty queen. I was obese most of my life, still am a little. I never had that many guys lining up toget with me because of that. I knew if they could get post that, or even like it, then they could see I was worth it. Maybe that is why I overcompensate with personality...

Edited bc I accidentally posted only part of my answer.

I find it very hard to explain but, all these things are me. I'm so complicated, and contradictive. It's hard to know what I think, because I think so many things. I do have low self esteem, but on the other hand if someone could get past my looks, they would find a beautiful person bc I know I am different than most. Im just unsure of what others see in me, not what I see in myself. Maybe that is the INFJ in me. People are shallow mostly, in my experience. And that's why I'm unsure of myself. I care too much about what they see.

Now, if I looked like a model, and had guys and girls lined up to get with me, maybe my opinions would change. But idk if they would. Would I not then get tired of the shallow people then too? Lol see... I don't know anything for sure and the more I think about it, I'm just glad I don't look like a model bc it weeds out the people who are only interested in looks. But I do want to feel beautiful. Maybe that's another reason I stay in a bad relationship. He tells me all the time how beautiful I am and he can't keep his hands off me. Lol.
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To begin with, I'll give you an example from my life to illustrate why this idea of having an actress's physique is a fake antidote.

I'm 30, and I don't think I have felt insecure about my look (not that I look like an actor.) I have been in two serious long-term relationships. Both times, I have been broken up with. I have never really felt adequate for either of them, always craving for reassurance, for love, then getting afraid of too much intimacy because deep down I feel like "I don't deserve it", "I am obviously going to be rejected eventually", etc. I probably began a dozen potential relationships, 10 of which didn't work out because I appeared too emotionally needy and the person fecked off in the early stages because I seemed weak. I have played out in my head countless times how any of these 10 potential relationships could have been great. Today I'm single, and I can't exactly say I have made a lot of progress on the relationship front! And yet, like I said, I've never really felt any complex regarding my physique. The issue of low self-esteem runs deeper.

So you can see that @Ginny is very right when she says that you'd remain the same person underneath. I of course don't want to suggest that the complex you're feeling is not real, I understand that it must be hard, very hard, but it can be vanquished. It's only a layer - maybe a thick layer, but it's not the deep stuff. The deep stuff is your worth, it sounds very cheesy, but it's true. Can I ask you how old you are, and how long you've been in this relationship which you describe as 'bad'? If you'd rather do it somewhere else than on this thread, that's no problem at all. :)
 
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Ren said:
@MistyWrites do you find that INFJs 4w5 are more likely to write, or not necesarily at all? I'm planning on reading more of your poetry over the weekend.
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Mhm.. :) I do. I write fiction mainly, suspense etc. But poetry is my emotional outlet, otherwise I would likely implode. I am a photographer though, and in college majored in architecture too for 2 years, so I think 4w5's, particularly of my variant are looking for ways to express their individualism, deep well of intense emotions, and themselves in general. This often results in writers, for INFP's also... just ask @ruji ( resident INFP detector ) :)
 
MistyWrites said:
Mhm.. :) I do. I write fiction mainly, suspense etc. But poetry is my emotional outlet, otherwise I would likely implode. I am a photographer though, and in college majored in architecture too for 2 years, so I think 4w5's, particularly of my variant are looking for ways to express their individualism, deep well of intense emotions, and themselves in general. This often results in writers, for INFP's also... just ask @ruji ( resident INFP detector ) :)
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I like how we're somehow managing to keep this connected to the 'Weird INFJ' thread! It's awesome if you are a professional photographer and can make a living out of it. I wish I could live off my writing, but I'm not sure this will ever happen. My 'serious' writing is quite symbolic and abstruse.

I definitely use Ni, Fe and Ti, so I think that rules out INFP for me. My Se is less obvious. Apparently I am an unhealthy Se user, = self-destructive when I'm stressed. But other than that, I don't think my Se is particularly developed.
 
Ren said:
I like how we're somehow managing to keep this connected to the 'Weird INFJ' thread! It's awesome if you are a professional photographer and can make a living out of it. I wish I could live off my writing, but I'm not sure this will ever happen. My 'serious' writing is quite symbolic and abstruse.

I definitely use Ni, Fe and Ti, so I think that rules out INFP for me. My Se is less obvious. Apparently I am an unhealthy Se user, = self-destructive when I'm stressed. But other than that, I don't think my Se is particularly developed.
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Hmm.. Interesting. I'm sure I am an INFJ, and while I always test "above average health" on ennetype tests, I think I am a turbulent INFJ.. but not in a bad way, just in an explosive intensity type way.. ha.. Which some may consider bad or weird, but I don't care about that. I have insecurities as we all do, but I am strong, and I know my worth.. I rather like to swim in my differences than be ashamed of them, but as a 4w5 that is often typical of us as "the individualist".

I must say my writing too is equal 1st place with photography, but it takes so long to break through. Not quite conducive to paying bills.. ;) Symbolic? Full of metaphors? I relate.. Epic is the term that comes to mind. Like there is so much in my head and I cannot make it big enough on paper.. if that made sense? What do you write when you write seriously? Poetry mainly? Prose?
 
acd said:
You can have good boundaries and still be social and have positive relationships.

By boundaries I mean having a good sense of self and what is good for you and not letting others take advantage of you or not taking advantage of others. Boundaries are a good thing. It's the lack of boundaries that creates problems. I think being hyper defensive to the point if being offensive is over compensation for not being sure of personal boundaries.
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bingo
 
Icedream said:
First off, I've been on the forum for a while, I just don't post very often, so this isn't an introduction for me. I only say what I feel needs to be said and when. Yes, I've come to a surety of my type through about three years of studying.

My apologies. What would you like to know about me?
It's not so much being "weird" that bothers me, it's being shunned.
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I am also confident in my INFJness, write in short sentences and consider myself to be somewhat weird :)
 
@Ren I just turned 32. I have been in two long term relationships as well. This particular one, we have been together over 4 years.

I get what you guys are saying, it makes a lot of sense. This feeling of inadequacy that you described, it sounds a lot like me, so I think you are right. If I was beautiful to others, the inadequacy would probably still be there. I would love to have more discussions with you on here. How do we do that, is there a personal messaging feature? Seems like I remember someone mentioning something like that... :)
 
MistyWrites said:
Hmm.. Interesting. I'm sure I am an INFJ, and while I always test "above average health" on ennetype tests, I think I am a turbulent INFJ.. but not in a bad way, just in an explosive intensity type way.. ha.. Which some may consider bad or weird, but I don't care about that. I have insecurities as we all do, but I am strong, and I know my worth.. I rather like to swim in my differences than be ashamed of them, but as a 4w5 that is often typical of us as "the individualist".

I must say my writing too is equal 1st place with photography, but it takes so long to break through. Not quite conducive to paying bills.. ;) Symbolic? Full of metaphors? I relate.. Epic is the term that comes to mind. Like there is so much in my head and I cannot make it big enough on paper.. if that made sense? What do you write when you write seriously? Poetry mainly? Prose?
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Good morning from Geneva @MistyWrites and thanks for this inspiring post. I enjoy how you describe the ease with which you can swim in your differences. I think I wish I did, and would often project that I do, but something tells me I'm not completely comfortable with it. I still care too much about what people think, although I believe that I have improved with time.

About the writing, actually I would not call what I write epic, but rather... intense? I'm not particularly good at metaphor, but I'm drawn to it for a specific purpose, which is at bottom that most of my writing is inspired by insights, usually abstract insights that pop up in my head during the day and that I jot down into a notepad. Sometimes I can sort of visualise the insight in my head but I can't quite explain it in words, or not accurately anyway, and that's how I end up resorting to metaphor to express it. Sometimes, the insight first appears as a metaphor and I manage to make more 'literal' sense of it much later. I initially fell in love with philosophy because it seemed to provide tools to do just that.

One example ties in with a discussion I'm having with @Wyote on another thread, which is the question of existence and what it means to exist. (My writing is mostly philosophical). I think I am trying to reconcile the idea of human being as open to change with their being open to it always from a particular standpoint, a 'ground' that informs how openness to change itself is apprehended. In my head, I have good idea of what I want to explore on this, but I'm frustrated that English doesn't seem to have an adjective that means both 'open' and 'grounded'. So I use the metaphor of the well. That's an example. I'm working on a collection of aphorisms and a novel, on that theme but from different angles and perspectives.

Yes, the idea of there being so much in your head that cannot be made big enough on paper makes a lot of sense ;) But maybe this feeling of always having more in you than what comes out is paradoxically what drives you to continue writing? I like the form of your poetry, by the way, the rhythm, the cadence flow very nicely, it's a sensory pleasure in itself.
 
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