What are bad reasons for ending a marriage?

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What do you think are bad, invalid, or poor reasons for ending a friendship?


What do you think are bad, invalid, or poor reasons for ending a marriage?
 
A shiny new thread! Thank you Res!

I don't think there are bad reasons. I think we can hide behind bad excuses. If you make the drastic decision to end something, there is usually a reason. If you aren't particularily evolved, you may only have some poor excuse but that won't really be the reason. I think you are shortsighted if you end things because of apathy. Relationships are exhausting and require care and an investment of energy.
 
Sonyab said:
A shiny new thread! Thank you Res!

I don't think there are bad reasons. I think we can hide behind bad excuses. If you make the drastic decision to end something, there is usually a reason. If you aren't particularily evolved, you may only have some poor excuse but that won't really be the reason. I think you are shortsighted if you end things because of apathy. Relationships are exhausting and require care and an investment of energy.
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yeah, apathy seems to be a common excuse and often easily justified. I think one of the reasons is that people are caught up on the "in love" aspect of relationships, expecting to feel good and in love all the time, so that when they don't feel this way anymore, they call time of death rather than try to rehab a perfectly good relationship, which simply needs some time and true grit :D.
 
This is a surprisingly hard question to answer.

I will end a friendship if I find that my friend is constantly being an emotional vampire. If I find out they have used me in some way, I'll usually end it then also. It can be really hard for me to end friendships though, I'll keep coming back like a loyal little puppy, even if past experience says I should stay away. I can justify forgiving someone for just about anything, so I tend to continue considering a lot of people friends who might not really be that great of friends.

For ending marriages well...physical/emotional/sexual abuse, cheating*. Everything else seems way too subjective.

*Whatever couple in question dictates as "cheating" between them.
 
Res said:
yeah, apathy seems to be a common excuse and often easily justified. I think one of the reasons is that people are caught up on the "in love" aspect of relationships, expecting to feel good and in love all the time, so that when they don't feel this way anymore, they call time of death rather than try to rehab a perfectly good relationship, which simply needs some time and true grit :D.
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Time of Death LOL!

Yes I agree that a romanticized view of love can be a problem. It is however also tinged with a bit of selfishness IMO. Some people want the perks without the pain so to speak. It is all about compromise and a willingness to work at making things for a relationship to be successful. I don't advocate above and beyond but one or the other is a good measure of how much you should try to make something work. I also think that people jump into things way to fast. While it isn't as exciting, I don't think there is anything wrong with waiting and taking things at an easier pace.
 
Sonyab said:
Time of Death LOL!

Yes I agree that a romanticized view of love can be a problem. It is however also tinged with a bit of selfishness IMO. Some people want the perks without the pain so to speak. It is all about compromise and a willingness to work at making things for a relationship to be successful. I don't advocate above and beyond but one or the other is a good measure of how much you should try to make something work. I also think that people jump into things way to fast. While it isn't as exciting, I don't think there is anything wrong with waiting and taking things at an easier pace.
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Agree. Yeah, it is so easy to expect everything to happen now or immediately, no waiting. But recently, i appreciate, if the opportunity comes along, the chance to take things slow and move at a fairly slow or moderate pace. What's the rush?
 
I think in terms of what I call the 4 aspects of being; physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual. A physical connection is easy, nothing too difficult about the sex act! I also think forging an intellectual bond isn't too difficult. However forging an emotional and spiritual bond takes time. True intimacy IMO can't be found unless you are willing to make a solid connection on all 4 of these fronts.
 
u r thourough!!!

neptunesguns said:
This is a surprisingly hard question to answer.

*Whatever couple in question dictates as "cheating" between them.
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yes it was VERY hard to think of it, especially since i've never been in that position nor married
good point, btw, it is up to the parties to decide
 
imo, there are no real "bad reasons" to end a marriage/friendship. Just reasons and people who deem those reasons good or bad.
 
Bad reasons to end a marriage; refusing to acknowledge things that are important to your spouse because they are not important to you, because you cheated and fell "in love" with another person, because it was harder than you thought, because you misrepresented who you were while dating and can't face the challenge of exposing your true self in the marriage.

Bad reasons to end a friendship; because you don't think they're cool enough, because they are doing things you want to be doing, because they don't want to be romantic with you, because they don't wear deodorant.
 
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To me, one partner, or both, changing to the extent that they are a person irrecognizable from the person who entered the marriage, is sufficient reason to end a marriage. I guess this may sound liberal. I'm not a huge fan of the notion of marriage to begin with. Ultimately I see marriage as a legal agreement, in which the hypothetical someone who fails the marriage is fiscally penalized to compensate for the losses of the the other.

I'm a hopeless romantic, what can I say.
 
Res said:
What do you think are bad, invalid, or poor reasons for ending a friendship?

What do you think are bad, invalid, or poor reasons for ending a marriage?
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I was talking to my counselor about accepting people for who they are and implying that one should stay in a relationship (whether marriage or friendship) because it's important to accept them - warts and all.

He said it's very important to accept people for the way they are. That does not imply one should stay in the relationship if it's Toxic for either of them.

That said:

Poor reasons for ending relationships like friendships and marriage would be things like:

You had a bad fight and hearts were ripped open. Hearts mend very well under the right circumstances. Find out what those are for you.

Falling in love with another. These things happen. Some people don't have as much courage as others.

Not receiving roses on Valentine's day is a really stupid reason...

Not remembering anniversaries and bdays. Unless one makes those days a really creative and fun celebration - there's no reason to get bent if they're not remembered.

If their appearance has changed radically due to circumstances beyond their control. (If they turned into a slob - or - poured chemicals on their hair because they were too lazy to read the directions and it all fell out - well....there's some grounds for separation :wink:).
 
If they got cancer or some really bad disease. I think that would be a bad reason to leave. In both situations. I think most things can be mended but there are some things that just cant be fixed. Even if you accept them as they are there may be personality clashes that just cannot be over looked forever. These people should have never been let into my life. But my giving everyone a chance belief has made me put off getting rid of these people until the point of irritation is so strong that I cannot contain it any longer. And the way we part ways is too explosive to ever want to go back there again. I do not take being crossed kindly....
 
to prevent suicide.

if more people would stay married and end their lives as a result of it, our population would decrease rapidly, yay, something positive for all of mankind.
 
There are certainly reasons that I would consider wrong.

In my opinion, people entre into marriage far too quickly and easily sometimes. People seem to think that since the divorce option is available, then marriage can be taken less seriously. But marriage is a committment that you and another person are undertaking, and therefore it's not just about you anymore, and a lot of people I know need to realise that.

The obvious bad reason to end a marriage would be to gain half your partners posessions.
 
The form of the question bothers me. Wouldn't any frivolous reason be bad? Aren't there an infinite number of those?
 
Seraphim said:
Boredom is also a bad reason to end a friendship, IMO. Chances are if your'e bored with a friend it's because you've been friends for a very long time, which means they've been loyal for a long time. And you pay them back by ending the friendship?
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So what if they have been loyal, if they're boring, the friendship becomes negative and there's just no point anymore...
 
AlienSpectator said:
The form of the question bothers me. Wouldn't any frivolous reason be bad? Aren't there an infinite number of those?
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[MENTION=3710]AlienSpectator[/MENTION]

But what's a bad or frivolous reason to one person is not to another. It can be relative which is why i asked the question.
 
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