What is wrong with INFJ men?

[INFJok]

WHOA What's going on in here????

 

[Paraoxysmal]

I've only known one male INFJ and he was really unhealthy so I don't know if this will help your thread.

This INFJ had a series of drug problems, he would do anything to make himself appear more macho but couldn't maintain it remotely. He was really struggling to blend with our S-type society. He was extremly clingy to an unhealthy point (I'm a male ENTP), he was extremely jealous and possesive with his friends and anyone he was interested in. I've only seen him interact with one female and he was overbearing with his clinginess and jealousy that she left him.

Like I said this is an extreme case but I think it's also profound because INFJs seem to be on extreme spectrums, atleast that is my silly ENTP perspective.

 

[Ajohns1117]

Is it just me or do other Infj males find this hasty generalization offensive. I'm an INFJ male and can identify with certain struggles the OP alluded to (to a much lesser extent), but my quirkiness does not amount to aspergers. I've been with my ESFP girlfriend for 7 years, (odd comb, but she's helped me grow so much, and vise versa) since we were in college, and her little brother has aspergers. He is incredibly talented, infinitely more logical than me, and incredibly gifted in analytical sciences. He is one of my favorite people, (and as an infj, I collect only the best ;~) ...but he is extremely hard to relate to and misses social ques. I score high on introversion, but can see through people and their intentions and subconscious processes, I cant do this with him, and obvious he can't do it with me. The causes for our social awkwardness, at times, is fundamentally different. But I'm gIad I can relate, because at times he just wants someone to be around him and hang out, even if a strong personal connection is impossible or fleeting, and something I crave. You encountered someone, an infj male, with marked symptoms of depression. I can see how depression could trigger antisocial behavior in an infj with heightened sensitivity and propensity to dream instead of do. I find making my dreams real the best way to avoid depression and remain level headed. We need to stick together and lift each other up, not label and tear down. I'm sure at least 1 infj male was hurt by relating to characteristics you descirbed, and took on the label socially inept and unable.

 

[ashishkk]

There's nothing wrong with INFJ males. They have the functions that they are supposed to have

You mean "malfunctions" ,right?

 

[dudemanbro]

I was a lot like this when I was a teenager. I thought I had aspergers. Heck maybe I still do. Daydreamed all day, romanticised, wasnt good with women at all, didnt understand the point of my life and was constantly in a state of existential despair.

But now I am fuckin happy and at peace with life and have goals and am able bodied to accomplish them. I can walk into a room of new random people, friends, coworkers, or someome judging me. I can confront them. I can confront reality and embrace it.

I refuse to be an "INFJ letdown," an "acid casualty," a "drone worker," all these things. I will not be classified and labelled. (Label-led)

I learned a new thing about Brian Wilson today though. Gotta say, I spent two weeks in bed and I thought that was bad. I got sick of it. But a matter of years? Such time wasted! But possible, I know the ugly face of depression. And that stint in bedridden, suicidal dread actually reallly refreshed my mind after I got up and started doing stuff again. Good times.....not. but looking back, I understand it better. And since then I really became a whole different person. And it was my self improvement motive that got me through it. I have learned and am learning all about love, how to be a man, how to live right, and what to do.

As long as I keep on this upward spiral, I will not ever go back to the idiocy of those freaking INFJ males. Just wanted to let you know that yeah, we're fucked up, but can get fixed.


And if anyone is really curious how I cured my depression in my own way, feel free to hit me up. I can be a psuedo-anonymous ear for you if nothing else. Just start a dialogue with me, or someone. You never know what will happen when you take a chance on a conversation with a stranger.

Whatever yall choose, go in good health.

 

[j654dgj7]

You mean "malfunctions" ,right?

No.

 

[Anomalous]

Being rare is what is 'wrong' with us. The beaten track doesn't lead our way.

 

[Ghoulia Yelps]

I was a lot like this when I was a teenager. I thought I had aspergers. Heck maybe I still do. Daydreamed all day, romanticised, wasnt good with women at all, didnt understand the point of my life and was constantly in a state of existential despair.

But now I am fuckin happy and at peace with life and have goals and am able bodied to accomplish them. I can walk into a room of new random people, friends, coworkers, or someome judging me. I can confront them. I can confront reality and embrace it.

I refuse to be an "INFJ letdown," an "acid casualty," a "drone worker," all these things. I will not be classified and labelled. (Label-led)

I learned a new thing about Brian Wilson today though. Gotta say, I spent two weeks in bed and I thought that was bad. I got sick of it. But a matter of years? Such time wasted! But possible, I know the ugly face of depression. And that stint in bedridden, suicidal dread actually reallly refreshed my mind after I got up and started doing stuff again. Good times.....not. but looking back, I understand it better. And since then I really became a whole different person. And it was my self improvement motive that got me through it. I have learned and am learning all about love, how to be a man, how to live right, and what to do.

As long as I keep on this upward spiral, I will not ever go back to the idiocy of those freaking INFJ males. Just wanted to let you know that yeah, we're fucked up, but can get fixed.


And if anyone is really curious how I cured my depression in my own way, feel free to hit me up. I can be a psuedo-anonymous ear for you if nothing else. Just start a dialogue with me, or someone. You never know what will happen when you take a chance on a conversation with a stranger.

Whatever yall choose, go in good health.

I adore Brian Wilson such a talent, but such a deep and tormented man. I relate to him as a musician and a perfectionist.
Peter Gabriel has similar periods of procrastination and depression, I think so does Bob Dylan. (INFP?) and my beloved Morrissey.
I understand the appeal of taking to your bed and blotting out the cares of the world. I have suffered with chronic fatigue myself, but have managed to drag myself out of it. I have very often thought about giving up music because I can't be what I strive to be, but that is behind me now, I do what I enjoy doing, and if I stop enjoying it, I stop doing it.
The guy who I speak about in the op is a musician as well, and a very introverted perfectionist.

 

[ashishkk]

No.

so you want to say that ,everything is normal with me?

 

[j654dgj7]

so you want to say that ,everything is normal with me?

Well, maybe not you ;-) jk

NF's have a different way of looking at the world than most people, but there's nothing wrong with that. Just because we're in the minority, it doesn't mean that we're in the wrong. What fun would the world be without different people and opinions?

Validation for everyone! Hooray! Merry Christmas!

 

[Free Mind]

 

[JGirl]

i don't think there's anything specifically wrong with INFJ men. i really don't care what type the person i'm with is. nor do i particularly care what type my friends or family are either.
it's only important for me to know my own type. this way i can better understand myself and my own actions, feelings, etc. but long ago learned that no one is ever going to be exactly the way their type says, and even if they are there is no guarantee they will deal with life the same as other INFJs.
it's a preoccupation i see on this site a lot, and it always makes me shake my head.

 

[Ryso89]

Another problem is their tendency to live in cloud cuckoo land. There is a condition known as Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder, this seems like the classic description of an unhealthy INFJ. A person with this condition constructs an elaborate fantasy world, then retreats into it, often for days on end. The daydreamer is very defensive about people calling bullshit on his dream world, and will cut these people out of his life, very brutally and unfairly.
These fantasies often replace the boring drudgery of real life, and become more important to him than reality. Very often, the dreamworld includes a fantasy other half, or Muse, who he is obsessed with. To him, she is an embodiment of the Virgin Mary, Tinkerbell and a Page 3 girl all rolled into one. She is so perfect and magical, he gets angry and dissatisfied with real relationships as real people are defective, they get sick, cry, get angry, piss, shit, all that. Because of this, the INFJ can't hold down a steady relationship, and will end up alone, or with a string of one night stands.

Yikes, this is a more than disturbingly accurate description of my adult life so far.

The "Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder" isn't a disorder at all, it is merely a side product of the personality, like many "disorders". It's generally a huge pain in the ass but I deal with it. I'm lucky to have a job where my daydreaming doesn't clash with the actual work tidbit.

I've lived in my various fantasy worlds since I was a child, but those worlds are channeled through my music now as an adult, and that is something extremely productive and fulfilling, to be able to nurture that aspect of the personality, to turn a seemingly dead end dream into action. It took me a long time to manifest things as they are now, and there were a lot of obstacles to overcome; mostly social. It was NOT easy, and trying to marry fantasy and reality is downright frustrating, and still a day-to-day fight.

I suppose the difference between a productive INFJ versus a "dead-beat" INFJ is simply putting the inherent creative wonder into action to manifest a positive and productive reality.

The dating qualms are a product of perfectionism. It can be brutal to deal with, trust me. I don't have any deep insight for that right now, because I've dated only very few people for very short periods of time, and the occasional one night stand deal is my current reality.