Why do younger men seek older women?

Gist said:
Somehow I think many of the perceptions had of older women are myths rather than truths. I think younger men are attracted to older women because they don't think the older woman would pressure them into a relationship. They like the novelty of dating someone outside their age range and experience, seeing it as slightly exotic. Older women, however, have perspective and more understanding of men because of previous experiences so they are not as likely to be annoyed by things younger women would be bothered about. Younger women will more likely want men their age to be an ideal, whereas older women will more likely expect a man to act like a man, and not hold it against him as much. Younger woman are taught to have a checklist to judge potential partners. Older women know better, and are more likely to see the possibilities than expect their partners to live up to some high standard. I think culture plays a role in this as well.
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Reminds me of that scene in the movie Up in the Air. Older women are more realistic. A 20 year old girl is looking for the perfect guy. A 40 year old woman is looking for a compatible mate. Big difference.
 
PintoBean said:
I haven't read all the responses to the OP, so excuse me if I am redundant. I honestly think it is because many "older" women actually are more attractive than they were when younger. At 39, I can say with complete confidence that I look better now than at say 29. I know what style of dress best flatters me, and I have learned more than a thing or two about makeup and hair. In my younger years, it was basically like "Ooh, tight and sparkly, I like!" I am still that way to an extent, but more discerning. Taupes are heavily involved, for example. Also, I have learned a lot more about diet and fitness. Long gone is the "freshman 15," hello Pilates, light weights and running. Antioxidants and the gym did not enter into the hectic schedule and mindset of my twenties And there's the confidence factor. I feel more confident socially and intellectually than I did as younger woman, and who doesn't find confidence attractive? And then there's the financial thing. I look comfortable, even a bit well-heeled when I want to. That's a lot of what attracts women to The Silver Fox. Same thing goes for men. Financial comfort/success is attractive and even sexy. Young women do get more over-all attention IMO, but I like the quality of attention I get now. When I get a "wow" look from a man, it's usually from the type of man I can actually picture having a conversation with.
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Totally agree. The 40 year old women in my neighborhood are really hot. When I think about it, I think the hottest female celebrities in my opinion are at least 40. Jennifer Lopez is way hotter than Taylor Swift in my opinion for example. And I think J Lo is also way hotter now than she was when she was a young Fly Girl on tv. To me, confidence, depth, wisdom, and strength are really sexy. I find that most young hot chicks are like empty shells. I am confident that my next girlfriend will be a woman, not a girl. We'll see.
 
Here is an example of a woman who is in her 40's and she only dates guys less than half her age. She used to be very popular amongst young guys who were into milf porn. Based on an interview I watched where she discusses her love life, she seems unapologetic and confident. She likes going home with young college and professional athletes. Why can old men date young females, but older women can't date younger dudes? Double standard?
 
dang said:
Here is an example of a woman who is in her 40's and she only dates guys less than half her age. She used to be very popular amongst young guys who were into milf porn. Based on an interview I watched where she discusses her love life, she seems unapologetic and confident. She likes going home with young college and professional athletes. Why can old men date young females, but older women can't date younger dudes? Double standard?
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Alright, you made your point about the double standard but you also made mine about questioning what most young guys want from an older woman. Milf porn? Does she star in it? It sounds like this woman is happy going home with different young dudes every night. If all I wanted was to hook up, I could do that with any younger guy but I don't want just a hook up.
 
Scientia said:
Alright, you made your point about the double standard but you also made mine about questioning what most young guys want from an older woman. Milf porn? Does she star in it? It sounds like this woman is happy going home with different young dudes every night. If all I wanted was to hook up, I could do that with any younger guy but I don't want just a hook up.
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It seems there's this perception today that the ultimate in feeling attractive as a woman, is how many people want to sleep with you, especially younger men. Quality of communication and relationship is not seen as a value anymore. It becomes more about being seen as hot and getting someone who is very attractive and wants to take advantage of that, than having something real with the chance for more. We think sex is the be all and end all of everything. People will often develop the physical and sexual aspects of themselves without paying as much attention to their emotional, intellectual, and social selves. And even with the social self, so much emphasis on charm, but even less on substance. I think this is why fewer people today are ready for long term or serious relationships. They have difficulty living beyond the momentary feel good aspects of being with someone. For me, I need to be able to talk with the person, have meaningful and fun conversations, and simply enjoy their company besides the physical aspects, but today, people are so focused on the physical that they can't seem to get past this. For many, it's the ultimate in relationship fulfillment. But many of us need that emotional and intellectual fulfillment; this actually makes the physical more satisfying.
 
Scientia said:
Alright, you made your point about the double standard but you also made mine about questioning what most young guys want from an older woman. Milf porn? Does she star in it? It sounds like this woman is happy going home with different young dudes every night. If all I wanted was to hook up, I could do that with any younger guy but I don't want just a hook up.
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Didn't you start that hooking up thread? A promiscuous infj is like an oxymoron. Just be friendly, and eventually a friend will become a guy you go out with. Then you can become a couple. Then you can live together, get engaged, get married, get pregnant, give birth to triplets, and live happily ever after with your mate and your combined 10 children. Then you can get your own reality show and get rich and retire. And then the 12 of you can move to a tropical island with coconuts. How's that for a life plan? Just do it.
 
Gist said:
It seems there's this perception today that the ultimate in feeling attractive as a woman, is how many people want to sleep with you, especially younger men. Quality of communication and relationship is not seen as a value anymore. It becomes more about being seen as hot and getting someone who is very attractive and wants to take advantage of that, than having something real with the chance for more. We think sex is the be all and end all of everything. People will often develop the physical and sexual aspects of themselves without paying as much attention to their emotional, intellectual, and social selves. And even with the social self, so much emphasis on charm, but even less on substance. I think this is why fewer people today are ready for long term or serious relationships. They have difficulty living beyond the momentary feel good aspects of being with someone. For me, I need to be able to talk with the person, have meaningful and fun conversations, and simply enjoy their company besides the physical aspects, but today, people are so focused on the physical that they can't seem to get past this. For many, it's the ultimate in relationship fulfillment. But many of us need that emotional and intellectual fulfillment; this actually makes the physical more satisfying.
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Nailed it. People tend to focus way more on persona than self, superficial over depth. Which means dating is easy, but they are not ready for marriage. I am like the opposite. I hate dating, but actually being in a relationship is not difficult for me if I am with the right person. By the way, your post applies to LA more than it applies to anywhere else. LA is not the ideal place for a single infj. But you can't beat the weather. It is funny. The last three females I have hung out with were all born in France. Really random. My ex was Norwegian. Maybe I should avoid American women from now on. Maybe the Guess Who were right all along. "Good bye American Woman. Bye Bye."
 
Gist said:
For me, I need to be able to talk with the person, have meaningful and fun conversations, and simply enjoy their company besides the physical aspects, but today, people are so focused on the physical that they can't seem to get past this. For many, it's the ultimate in relationship fulfillment. But many of us need that emotional and intellectual fulfillment; this actually makes the physical more satisfying.
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This is true for me, too.
 
dang said:
Didn't you start that hooking up thread? A promiscuous infj is like an oxymoron. Just be friendly, and eventually a friend will become a guy you go out with. Then you can become a couple. Then you can live together, get engaged, get married, get pregnant, give birth to triplets, and live happily ever after with your mate and your combined 10 children. Then you can get your own reality show and get rich and retire. And then the 12 of you can move to a tropical island with coconuts. How's that for a life plan? Just do it.
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Yes, I started the hooking up thread because I don't know if not hooking up is really as unusual as everyone irl tells me it is. And... What? Whatever you are on is melting your brain at an alarming rate.
 
Scientia said:
Yes, I started the hooking up thread because I don't know if not hooking up is really as unusual as everyone irl tells me it is.
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I'm a 37 year old weirdo and I've never hooked up in my life and it's not for lack of opportunity.
 
Gist said:
It seems there's this perception today that the ultimate in feeling attractive as a woman, is how many people want to sleep with you, especially younger men. Quality of communication and relationship is not seen as a value anymore. It becomes more about being seen as hot and getting someone who is very attractive and wants to take advantage of that, than having something real with the chance for more. We think sex is the be all and end all of everything. People will often develop the physical and sexual aspects of themselves without paying as much attention to their emotional, intellectual, and social selves. And even with the social self, so much emphasis on charm, but even less on substance. I think this is why fewer people today are ready for long term or serious relationships. They have difficulty living beyond the momentary feel good aspects of being with someone. For me, I need to be able to talk with the person, have meaningful and fun conversations, and simply enjoy their company besides the physical aspects, but today, people are so focused on the physical that they can't seem to get past this. For many, it's the ultimate in relationship fulfillment. But many of us need that emotional and intellectual fulfillment; this actually makes the physical more satisfying.
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What a great post [MENTION=1669]Gist[/MENTION]

[MENTION=12050]Scientia[/MENTION] - I hope you knew my 'Mrs Robinson' comment was just a very gentle joke ? Let's face it INFJs are just different, we are looking for something real. We can laugh, flirt and have fun etc, but really we are very serious and we want something romantic and totally genuine. When I met my ex I was swept away to find someone I thought I could open up to, and who did so with me. For me it was a head, heart and soul 'connection' I wouldn't have settled for anything less.

I've tried to lighten up over the years and I appreciate relationships vary and change, and the best ones shouldn't (I don't think) be consumed too much by expectations of perfection or seriousness, there has to be fun, laughter and compromises. I think you can find that with a younger or older partner, if you find that level of connection. I guess if I really did, the rest wouldn't matter, but I don't see that as being very likely to happen with a younger woman.

However if they had chocolate, I may be willing to put aside my misgivings and think about it. No I will be strong - no chocolate....
 
[MENTION=2179]James[/MENTION] - I wasn't offended by your comment but it shows me how sensitive and aware you are that you were worried about that. I am open to almost any age, culture, or background if I believe that person will be open to being with me and we would make each other happy. The rest of it is just wrapping. I would need to know before trusting him that he really wants a relationship. Chocolate only sweetens the deal.
 
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Scientia said:
Yes, I started the hooking up thread because I don't know if not hooking up is really as unusual as everyone irl tells me it is. And... What? Whatever you are on is melting your brain at an alarming rate.
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I am on spring water. Does that cause brain melting? I thought spring water was a healthy alternative to soda. Maybe I should start drinking fruit juice again.
 
I've been seeing a guy who is 8 years younger than me for several months now. While I must admit that the age difference bothers me mostly because of societal standards (which are BS in my opinion but still ingrained), I should also say that he is more mature than some of the guys I've dated in the past who were in their 40s. The only downside is that he lacks life experience but I am sure that a few years from now that will change.

Also, as other posters have said, some women look better the older they get and the added confidence that comes with age is also attractive. Many of my academic friends are now dating or married to younger men.
 
Artemisia said:
I've been seeing a guy who is 8 years younger than me for several months now. While I must admit that the age difference bothers me mostly because of societal standards (which are BS in my opinion but still ingrained), I should also say that he is more mature than some of the guys I've dated in the past who were in their 40s. The only downside is that he lacks life experience but I am sure that a few years from now that will change.

Also, as other posters have said, some women look better the older they get and the added confidence that comes with age is also attractive. Many of my academic friends are now dating or married to younger men.
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Do you think that younger men (i.e., ten years or less) are worth your time in an intellectual sense?
 
Maybe because older women wont get pregnant?
 
the said:
Maybe because older women wont get pregnant?
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It depends what you mean by "older". I am 33 so I've got several years left to get pregnant. Women can get pregnant until they hit menopause so if by older you mean, say, over 50 then that is different.
 
Scientia said:
Do you think that younger men (i.e., ten years or less) are worth your time in an intellectual sense?
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Honestly, I've dated guys who were over 40 and they were less mature than the guys in their mid-late 20s. Perhaps there was a reason these guys were single after 40 (Peter Pan syndrome? Momma's boys?) or it was just bad luck but I find that I have more in common with guys who are, say, 7 years younger than me that those who are over 40.

I think my mom put it best when I told her that I had broken up with yet another man over age 40. She said to me "Artemisia, men of that age have already been through all the romantic emotions. They come with emotional baggage. Younger men don't have that sort of baggage". I think she is wise.
 
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