Yeah that 'pretend disinterest' stuff I just roll my eyes at. The whole gameplaying for status in a relationship, and the fact that these ideas are out there in a big way, really triggers my cynicism and I end up just closing off from society and shutting down emotionally.
I read an article a few months ago addressing the issue of your gf not wanting to have sex with you (not an issue I had, but something I happened upon while browsing), and the 'solution' was to make sure that she noticed you texting other girls to trigger her jealousy and make you seem high-value.
Seriously,
what is the point?
There's no doubt that some people
are wired up this way, but I'm not sure that it correlates with 'attractiveness'.
Say for example subject was attracted to two different people at two different times, if a person is by all norms more attractive, is subject likely to act more stupidly? Or okay. I accept, perhaps rather than attractiveness, the phrase to to use should be: "being into someone". The more into someone subject is, the more stupid subject gets.
Don't trust those click bait articles. A lot of them are just humans looking to earn more revenue from the vulnerable.
(Yep. I'm cynic)
The tough conversations are tough because they are the most important.
Whenever we have those conversations we say things that are tough intentionally to get the blood moving. Here's why:
When you have a friend that is scared to do the hard thing, they are hiding behind a wall of protection, where they feel comfortable. To really get to the truth of the matter, it requires making them feel less comfortable in that space. Then their blood gets boiling and they usually lash out - this is a good thing.
Then we say "Good, use that feeling and tell me what the hell is really going on".
And then the flood gates open and the truth finally comes out.
We talk through it - mostly listening - then reassure our friend that we still love them, and tell them that we really were concerned.
We say "Are we cool know", and then hug it out. Then we say "Now let's go have a beer". And not only are we better friends, but whatever the original issue was, tends to get resolved.
That's compassion.
LOL woah. What are you, a gym instructor or something?
I never told him to make "Ultimatums". I told him to talk to her and figure out how she really feels about this potential relationship.
Come on, girls. If you tell a guy that you need time, what are you really saying?
I think this is the root of his actual OP.
That I need time. That's what I mean. Seesh I hate these girls and beauty mags that make everything look like a chess game. I just need time. (For me at least)
@sassafras honestly, the time she disappeared only started worrying me after she went off on me a bit about a character flaw she saw. I know it was her trying to help me become a better person and not her trying to be mean. Before that, it never worried me whatsoever. In fact, I found it sort of nice, because absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Ah, you are an overthinker. Wouldn't it be funny if after all the hulabaloo in this thread, you develop issues, and those issues are precisely what makes her dislike you?
In any case, what
@wiredandwound is saying is not without value because everything is uncertain. For example in my case, I was certain with my connection to INTP and it turns out I am correct except we have different interpretations of the connection: I, of love, and he, of best friendship. There is no certainty that this should also apply to your case but it is wise to take connections with some grain of salt. In other words, wait it out. As what
@sassafras has repeatedly said already. Nonetheless, be prepared if all she wanted was just an awesome online fubu, we can't do much.
TLDR, If I were to be as blunt and as cynic as the trend in this thread, I'd say:
Love??? Online? Already??? Seriously? You sure you aren't just hyperfantasizing about the good sex? Meh.
(But of course I don't know your truths, i.e. how truly intellectually and mentally intimate and connected you both are so I'm not one to judge. And because they say online is where you put your best foot forward, I wouldn't say all that. Even though I'm an overthinker and I like this forum as an overthinker because this is the one place that I can let my mind run free without fears of rejection)
Edit: it got posted before I completed my responses.
I'm 11th & 12th century.
