Understanding the INFJ Doorslam

Ren said:
We all enjoy a good doorslam. :tongueout: (jk)
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Ren said:
I'm realizing now that the sudden and final quality of the doorslam moment echoes the "eureka moment" associated with Ni.

Like "Eureka! I totally need this person out of my life right now." ^^
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Great thread!

I have one more thought to add to the milieu. I have door slammed a few times and for me, there had been months (and sometimes years) in each relationship where I had fought and maneuvered and striven to do everything I could think of to "fix" it. With each, there came that "Eureka!" moment Ren referenced.

But for me, the "Eureka!" was the realization that no matter what I did, this wasn't getting any better. It came with the sudden and intense discovery that I was helpless to change things... it was essentially a loss of hope. Each time, that hopeless feeling was triggered by something the other party said or did and I had a flash of intuition that mentally slammed the door on improvement and therefore sealed in the label "toxic" beyond hope of recall.

So for me, the Fe is what keeps me hanging on, sometimes way too long, to a bad situation, but the Ni is what finally gets me to wise up to the idea things aren't getting any better.
 
Cyrus said:
But for me, the "Eureka!" was the realization that no matter what I did, this wasn't getting any better. It came with the sudden and intense discovery that I was helpless to change things... it was essentially a loss of hope.
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Cyrus said:
So for me, the Fe is what keeps me hanging on, sometimes way too long, to a bad situation, but the Ni is what finally gets me to wise up to the idea things aren't getting any better.
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Yuuuppp
 
Feels a bit one-sided. How much space and time is needed?

The reason I am asking is because I’d like to reach out to someone. I don’t know if it was an official doorslam, but it felt like it.

So who should reach out to who in these cases, and if I should reach out, what’s the best approach? What needs to be said to move things in the right direction
 
From my experience, it’s usually better for the INFJ to come forward because the hang ups are usually on their end. I’m more of an unconditional and unlimited chances person

Only issue is sometimes you have to nudge them or they won’t bother even if they want to
 
ClevelandINTP said:
I think most of it was confusion from lack of communication.

There were issues on both sides but I don’t think anything that couldn’t be cleared up with conversation.
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Many INFJs dislike confrontation, which is one reason for the door slam. If the issue was complicated, they might be worried that you are going to put them on the spot. Giving them space and then approaching them in a way that eases the tension might be the way forward, but it's hard to judge without some specifics.

ClevelandINTP said:
From my experience, it’s usually better for the INFJ to come forward because the hang ups are usually on their end. I
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Haha, INFJs are generally more neurotic than some types, less neurotic than others.
 
ClevelandINTP said:
Could I just say something like “I’m not going to put you on the spot for anything. Just wanted to reach out”
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If what happened was genuinely trivial, that's probably a sound approach.
 
Feels incredibly one-sided. I know things are relative, but this feels a bit much. How much space is needed, it’s been a month
 
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ClevelandINTP said:
Fair, but if one is able to be who they are free from judgement, and the other is not, that’s an imbalanced relationship on any level
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Good. You pissed them off enough to actually doorslam. Tough shit.
 
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