INFJ Shadow

Could be, JaneRose, but I think you need to really investigate that - especially if you're taking any types of medications. Sometimes the problem is medical, and we need to respect that side, too.
 
I have an ENFP sister, and she embodies the positive qualities of the INFJ shadow, so i'll agree with you there.

Also, i've noticed her shadow tends to be similar to the INFJ's positive qualities

Under extreme stress, fatigue or illness, the ENFP's shadow may appear - a negative form of ISTJ. Example characteristics are:

  • being pedantic about unimportant details
  • doing things to excess - e.g.: eating, drinking or exercising
  • being critical of others, and finding fault with almost everything
  • taking charge without consideration to others
The shadow is part of the unconscious that is often visible to others, onto whom the shadow is projected. The ENFP may therefore readily see these faults in others without recognising it in him/her self.
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Additionally, I've noticed that she can make negative assumptions about someone else's intentions. Another positive INFJ trait, however her assumptions are often incorrect.

Of course the taking charge thing, INFJ's can do it, but often as the result of the consideration of others.
 
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Jane, when I first read about this it was a big AHA moment for me and explained so much. When this shadow would rise up I would doubt everything about who I thought I was. I thought maybe my true self was a lie and this alternate personality was the real me. It was crushing.
But now after finding out about all this I can recognize the signs and control it much, much better.
 
Shadows are interesting. Especially so for me since I date an ESTP - my shadow. So whenever we get really stressed around one another we totally understand each other's stress language lol.
 
My shadow got me on the news, and a ride home in the back of a police car :m198:
 
^ You can't stop there. You have to fill us in if you start with stories like that. It's cruel to do otherwise :D
 
im not attached to being an enfp. i just want to be my true self, which i havnt been in a whilee... apparently my "true-self" is an enfp. haha i didnt think any1 was gonna respond!
 
arbygil said:
Heh. Oh, and it's funny when we start saying, "oh, I'm not like that" until we make things a little *clearer.*

Like excesses? They should include shopping for me. I will absolutely buy things I don't need, and I'll do it impulsively because it "looked cool in the picture" or "looked cool in the infomercial." It's one reason I got into heavy debt. :(

I'm almost totally blind to my shadow. When I'm in it, I've completely lost the plot and I don't realize I'm acting out. I'll know I'm upset about something, and I'll suddenly look around at all this junk I don't need...but I can't remember when things began going downhill. Blech.

Things that match my shadow (that aren't as clear cut, but now that I realize it...)


  • acting very impulsively, making decisions without thinking them through (i.e., shopping for things I don't need)
  • doing things to excess - e.g.: eating, drinking or exercising (add shopping)
  • being critical of others, and finding fault with almost everything ( within myself as well)- within myself is sooo key.I don't turn this on to many people, or if I do I don't notice it. But I get so self-critical it's shameful. All of a sudden I'm the slug without a brain.
  • being preoccupied about unimportant details and doing things that have no meaning (can we say, internet surfing...? All together now... Also? I frequently discover that it's easy to waste time. I do everything *but* the one thing I'm supposed to do, and I put things off because I don't "feel" like it. But I'm totally stressed out that I'm *not* doing what I need to do, too. Ahh, dichotomy...)
  • acting in a very materialistic and selfish way (I put shopping in here, too. Buying things for myself, not caring about the rest of the world's ills, being very internal and exclusive. "Hermit-habits.")
  • cutting corners, breaking the rules, and even contradicting the INFJ's own values (not getting to work on time, being passive aggressive, not following through or seeing things through...etc.).
I think what's amazing about all this is, we frequently think we're not in Shadow, when we very well could be. Or we might assume this is "someone else's problem" rather than our own. It's hard for an INFJ to get the help they need when they're in Shadow, though. It's easy to dance around the problem and make excuses for oneself.

Ugh. I think I need to start getting out of my own house and I need to go to the library to work on my writing. Give myself new perspective, and all that.:m080:
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This is sooo much the way I experience hypomania, or worse, mania. It can turn into what I call a "black mania" or dysphoric mania when self-loathing over my behavior begins to creep in and then come the black rages and more self-destructive behavior, ending relationships and if let go too long, getting suicidal.
 
anica said:
This is sooo much the way I experience hypomania, or worse, mania. It can turn into what I call a "black mania" or dysphoric mania when self-loathing over my behavior begins to creep in and then come the black rages and more self-destructive behavior, ending relationships and if let go too long, getting suicidal.
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I think you're dead on with the self loathing. When I think about it that should be a big red flag for me. Once I get into self loathing it's hard to get out because my stubborn nature pulls me in. It's physically hard on me too because I'm tired and dragging during those times.
 
awww, wow, that was put sooo well! i think ill become "me" again, and well now i dont think it matters about being "enfp" or "infj" or "estj" or whatever. and im really glad to understand as long as you are yourself, and u know who u really are u can get thru all sorts of stress!

thanks pristine girl :)
 
On a bad day i definately conform to the negative shadow features.excesses and contradictory actions,its awful!
 
One of my best friends is an ESTP(strange enough). I've noticed when we argue we seem to act like each other's normal self. I act more like him and he acts more like me.

I'd assume it'd be quite funny to watch honestly, although I can't say I enjoy it.
 
Soulful said:
Sometimes I've questioned my type. But that might be because I've lived much of my life in shadow. It's sucked. I often wondered why I felt like such a cold-hearted, uncaring, unemotive, selfish, critical jerk. It is definitely a Dr Jekyll and Hyde situation.

Are there people in your life who only see you / tend to know you as your shadow? For myself, I feel like most of my family (except my sister) tends to think of me in that way, especially my mom. I think they think it's who I am.
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everybody...
 
OMG!, I am not crazy!

This clears up a lot of thoughts I had been thinking back on and things I have done. I say this isn't like me,why am I doing this or acting this way.
 
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I'm currently taking meds for inattentive ADD..........I'm soooooo stressed out......my INTP(so precise) says it's not working......I took a lower dose this week due to my vacation...shouldn't have done that.............so I'll go back to my regular dose.....it's supposed to increase activity in your thinking areas of your brain....haaaaaaaaa:mf:
 
Zero said:
One of my best friends is an ESTP(strange enough). I've noticed when we argue we seem to act like each other's normal self. I act more like him and he acts more like me.

I'd assume it'd be quite funny to watch honestly, although I can't say I enjoy it.
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Yeah, that happens with me and my ESTP too. When we get stressed, we act like each other too.
 
Wow, all of these apply to me. I thought I was just a bad person, but I guess it's understandable that I'm not always going to have "good morals."
 
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